31.5.14
BBQ at Linda and Ians this afternoon after a day of walking the dogs and pulling up bits of bindweed in the garden, very slowly of course. Plenty of recorded programmes on TV watched. And a visit to Sainsburys to get provisions for the BBQ.
My Jenni set off on her cruise so plenty of Snapchats from her, being silly, and making me laugh. Im very envious. I remember that lovely feeling when you first set sail. Your lovely holiday in front of you. Dreams of sun and warmth, fun and frolics. So much to see and do. I can't wait for my holiday.
The BBQ was lovely. I made a tiramisu to take round, and i took round a camembert for baking and some nice bread for a starter.
Then we chatted for hours again.
When i got home, there was some flowers on my doorstep from my friend Maria. She was on her way to a dinner and dance and thought id like them. How lovely of her.
There was also 4 squares of chocolate left over from the tiramisu. I was looking forward to them. A nice cup of tea and some chocky.
Sam ate them!!! Swine!
So i think its time for me to hit my pillows.
Goodnight y'all.
Saturday 31 May 2014
Friday 30 May 2014
30.5.14
Oooh get me!
My pulse is not so tachy any more!
Its been between 80 and 88. The drugs doooo work.
So today i decided to be normal Jilly Bean (not that i ever was normal).
Linda and I went to one of our regular haunts. Mollies Den. A warehouse full of crap!
Whats some peoples crap is another persons treasure. Second hand, clothes, books, furniture, ornament, records, jewellery, in fact everything. Some overpriced tat, but you can get a bargain now and again.
When i moved into my new house 1st june 2013 - very nearly a year ago, i was very interested in making my house a home. I suppose i like to think I'm into design, my own personal taste which if others don't like it, then they don't have taste! Well, since I've been incapacitated with a tachycardia, and even before that when i had the indigestion, sore mouth, and so on and so forth, i haven't been interested in the least bit of going to Mollies.
So today, the prodigal returned!
I didn't know how long i was gonna be able to cope, but i did well. I bought a few candlesticks, my 'antique' of choice.
To market, to market to buy a fat hog
Home again, home again, jiggety jog.
To market, to market, to buy a plum bun,
Home again, home again, market is done.
It's a childrens rhyme from The Classic Mother Goose, edited by Armand Eisen.
Oooh get me!
My pulse is not so tachy any more!
Its been between 80 and 88. The drugs doooo work.
So today i decided to be normal Jilly Bean (not that i ever was normal).
Linda and I went to one of our regular haunts. Mollies Den. A warehouse full of crap!
Whats some peoples crap is another persons treasure. Second hand, clothes, books, furniture, ornament, records, jewellery, in fact everything. Some overpriced tat, but you can get a bargain now and again.
When i moved into my new house 1st june 2013 - very nearly a year ago, i was very interested in making my house a home. I suppose i like to think I'm into design, my own personal taste which if others don't like it, then they don't have taste! Well, since I've been incapacitated with a tachycardia, and even before that when i had the indigestion, sore mouth, and so on and so forth, i haven't been interested in the least bit of going to Mollies.
So today, the prodigal returned!
I didn't know how long i was gonna be able to cope, but i did well. I bought a few candlesticks, my 'antique' of choice.
Obviously i still need to get candles and fiddle about. Maybe add something or take something away. But overall, I'm happy.
So anyway, i ambled round Mollies, had a cuppa and shared a piece of cherry and coconut cake with Linda. We had such a lovely time. I almost felt back to normal. It was so nice to go out and do something rather than stay in and moan! Thank goodness for Linda.
Then home again, home again, jiggity jig. That line comes from a poem, but i can't remember for the life of me which one.
Thank goodness for Google.
To market, to market to buy a fat pig
Home again, home again, jiggety jig. To market, to market to buy a fat hog
Home again, home again, jiggety jog.
To market, to market, to buy a plum bun,
Home again, home again, market is done.
It's a childrens rhyme from The Classic Mother Goose, edited by Armand Eisen.
Im definitely feeling more normal. It seems a shame to ruin it on wednesday and pump me full of that toxic rubbish. Hands up who thinks i should stop chemo now!
4 more days till dd day - don't do it day!
I was hoping tomorrow my son was gonna move house, and i was gonna go and help. When i say help, i was gonna sit and supervise and drink cups of tea. But now, as normal, the solicitors have taken too long, and so has the building society and their mortgage, that its been put back a week, so needless to say, next week i will be incapacitated and unable to boss people about.
You'd think Halifax building society would be able to organise a mortgage without any problems these days, wouldn't you? I mean, its not like its something alien to them. A few years ago, they were throwing mortgages around like nobodies business. Now they agree you can have one, but they make you sweat about it, and don't deliver it in time.
And the solicitors complain about the vendors solicitors, and the vendors, vendors solicitors. They bitch and say, 'I've been emailing but they just don't get back to me!'
In reality, they all meet up socially and have a good laugh.
'I purchased a brand new TT the other day because business is so good.'
'I had a 4 week holiday in Malaysia. 5* hotel, all water sports thrown in, business is booming.'
'We brought a 4 bedroom house in Sandbanks! I should be able to retire by the time I'm 32!'
I think this attitude is why the receptionists are such miserable buggers. They're jealous. They're the ones that do the work and they get paid a pittance and don't even have their own office.
'We're off to Sheffield for half term to stay with Uncle Stan and Aunty Jean. The kids love it there.'
'That'll be nice, a change is as good as a rest! We're off to the static caravan at Sandy Balls. The kids love it there.'
'We're having a 'staycation'. The park on monday, the dentist on tuesday, park on wednesday, school uniform shop on thursday, park on friday and then having a rest on saturday and sunday.'
Im sorry for my ramblings. If i didn't know better id say id had a tipple.
Anyway, its way past my bedtime, even if i did snooze all through Come dine with me!
See you in the morning.
Thursday 29 May 2014
29.5.14
Good morning
Just thinking of getting up and feasting on a wonderful breakfast. Im NBM from 8am, so need it to be near to that time as possible. Thank goodness I'm not on steroids, i would probably have to have a straight jacket on to stop me munching anything in sight! Maybe even a padded cell.
Luckily I'm allowed clear fluids, so i shall be having the odd cup of Bovril now and again if i get hungry, and of course, water. Yummy!
Most people can cope with 4 hours of eating nothing, but when you sometimes feel nauseous and digestive biscuits help with that, it makes life a bit miserable. I shall be taking a banana and some biscuits to eat as soon as i get in the car, if i need them, of course.
Oooooh had a reply from Chris's social worker.
Apparently its not her fault, its the finance departments fault! Which is true to a degree. I think it could have been made easier for Chris if she had explained it better, and tried to set his mind at rest. But hey, what do i know!
I have informed her how stressed my son is and so hopefully she will leave him alone for a while now!!
CT scan. Uneventful!
I found a parking spot straight away. I was taken into the scan suite as soon as i got there, 15 minutes early. Scan suite!!! It sounds like the honeymoon suite, but no flowers and champagne.
I was cannulated, a practice scan done, dye injected, proper scan.
And breath normally.
Cannula removed, a cup of tea prescribed, and a banana.
Appointment was at 12, i was walking to my car by 5 past!
If only chemo was so quick and easy.
Had a visit from Miss Linzi. She even brought her own cup of Options Hot Chocolate! And some lovely white tulips with one red one.
Good morning
Just thinking of getting up and feasting on a wonderful breakfast. Im NBM from 8am, so need it to be near to that time as possible. Thank goodness I'm not on steroids, i would probably have to have a straight jacket on to stop me munching anything in sight! Maybe even a padded cell.
Luckily I'm allowed clear fluids, so i shall be having the odd cup of Bovril now and again if i get hungry, and of course, water. Yummy!
Most people can cope with 4 hours of eating nothing, but when you sometimes feel nauseous and digestive biscuits help with that, it makes life a bit miserable. I shall be taking a banana and some biscuits to eat as soon as i get in the car, if i need them, of course.
Oooooh had a reply from Chris's social worker.
Apparently its not her fault, its the finance departments fault! Which is true to a degree. I think it could have been made easier for Chris if she had explained it better, and tried to set his mind at rest. But hey, what do i know!
I have informed her how stressed my son is and so hopefully she will leave him alone for a while now!!
CT scan. Uneventful!
I found a parking spot straight away. I was taken into the scan suite as soon as i got there, 15 minutes early. Scan suite!!! It sounds like the honeymoon suite, but no flowers and champagne.
I was cannulated, a practice scan done, dye injected, proper scan.
And breath normally.
Cannula removed, a cup of tea prescribed, and a banana.
Appointment was at 12, i was walking to my car by 5 past!
If only chemo was so quick and easy.
Had a visit from Miss Linzi. She even brought her own cup of Options Hot Chocolate! And some lovely white tulips with one red one.
Aint they purdy?
Then a quick doze, unintentional, before Mary arrived.
We had decided on fish and chips but before that i had to bid on a lamp on Ebay that i had my heart set on. I won it. So happy! Little things please little minds.
Off to the chippy for cod and chips.
I put salt and vinegar on them, but only a very little salt for health reasons. Could hardly taste them, but nice anyway.
Then a walk round the garden where Mary astounded me with her knowledge of birds and their tweetings. There were swifts flying above us, and the sounds of my blackbird with the white tail feather, and a robin. I wish i had her knowledge. I should use my time off work to teach myself the sounds of birds, and distinguishing different birds. I love birds of prey and i always think they're buzzards cos they're so common. But id like to be able to recognise them all.
I love kingfishers and i know their distinctive sound, so I'm part of the way there.
We chatted and chatted and then Mary managed to escape! She's so lovely. We've arranged a weekend away in october for her birthday in London, staying with her daughter Hannah, and seeing my son Joe. I can't wait. Something to look forward to.
So after a nice day I'm gonna cuddle up in bed. TTFN.
Wednesday 28 May 2014
28.5.14
NEWS FLASH
I have lost 3lbs. Not had steroids for 10 days and i have lost 3lbs of ugly fat. I can't wait to see what i weigh next week. Then its back to steroids again.
I decided to do my pulse when i woke up this morning, before i got out of bed, before i spoke, and before i turned the TV on. It was 82bpm. I went downstairs for a cuppa, came back up and it was 112bpm. Doesn't look like the ramipril, the ace inhibitor, is working yet.
Ive just taken my first beta blocker so it will be interesting to see what happens next.
Will it block my beets, cos my aces certainly aren't inhibited!
The girls went to the groomers. They were in need of a wash and brush up. Ruby had a few matts and her beard was getting a bit out of control. Something that doesn't happen to me at the mo!
Ruby decided to come in and pee on the floor. She's been funny since she's been home. If she sees an animal on TV she goes berserk. So funny to watch her.
So. The excitement of the day was changing the bed. Otherwise, a few chores, and bit of goggle boxing.
Tomorrow, however, is CT scan time. Another flipping cannula. Do you think they'll get it in first time?
Im thinking there might be something exciting to report tomorrow about the scan. I won't get any results until next wednesday, unless Dr Jack wants to ring me early with some exciting news. But you know what they say, 'No news is good news!'
So i shall leave you in peace to watch Britains Got Talent.
Chat tomorrow.
NEWS FLASH
I have lost 3lbs. Not had steroids for 10 days and i have lost 3lbs of ugly fat. I can't wait to see what i weigh next week. Then its back to steroids again.
I decided to do my pulse when i woke up this morning, before i got out of bed, before i spoke, and before i turned the TV on. It was 82bpm. I went downstairs for a cuppa, came back up and it was 112bpm. Doesn't look like the ramipril, the ace inhibitor, is working yet.
Ive just taken my first beta blocker so it will be interesting to see what happens next.
Will it block my beets, cos my aces certainly aren't inhibited!
The girls went to the groomers. They were in need of a wash and brush up. Ruby had a few matts and her beard was getting a bit out of control. Something that doesn't happen to me at the mo!
Its taken 10 years off of Dottie, don't ya think? She's absolutely shattered and won't leave me side, whether i like it or not!
So. The excitement of the day was changing the bed. Otherwise, a few chores, and bit of goggle boxing.
Tomorrow, however, is CT scan time. Another flipping cannula. Do you think they'll get it in first time?
Im thinking there might be something exciting to report tomorrow about the scan. I won't get any results until next wednesday, unless Dr Jack wants to ring me early with some exciting news. But you know what they say, 'No news is good news!'
So i shall leave you in peace to watch Britains Got Talent.
Chat tomorrow.
Tuesday 27 May 2014
27.5.14
What a day full of stress.
Chris, my beloved oldest son is so stressed he couldn't get out of bed cos his neck was so sore. He's gone off to A&E. No chance of getting a GP appointment. He's trying to buy a house (hoping to move in the next week or so), doing a PhD, worrying about his mumma, Dorset social services hounding him for bank statements and stuff, and considering they've mucked up big style over the last year or so, I'm surprised they have the nerve to ask him for anything, and finally Wiltshire social services who are equally as useless as Dorset, are relentless asking for more and more forms, documents, information etc. Just as he gives them what they ask, they ask for something else.
I have the social workers name and number and I've been trying to contact her all day, but of course she doesn't get back to me. Cant say I'm surprised. I expect nothing less from these people. If i told you the whole story (if i could remember it all) you'd be shocked.
Dr Jacks secretary rang me to say chemo number 9 will be on wednesday instead of tuesday. Another day further on. Apparently they have no spaces on the tuesday.
Spoke to the GP and have a prescription for beta blockers to start tomorrow. She said the ramipril doesn't necessarily work straight away. Hence me still feeling out of puff and pulse racing.
I also have a new blood form to collect to test my thyroid and kidneys. My heart will definitely have to work harder next tuesday when i have my pre chemo bloods. I doubt i'll have any blood left in my veins after they've finished with me.
The CT department have booked me in for this thursday at 12 for my lung CT. NBM from 8am except clear fluids. Another cannula and dye! Im starting to look like a pin cushion. They're normally round and squidgy too!
The MRI have tried to book me in for the same day at 8.10am!!!! But they can't do it the same day as CT, so 'how about the 4th?' Chemo day. They're gonna get back to me after they've done some juggling! Very skilled staff!
OMG you don't know how much i wish it were July!!!
Oh yes. There was something else. I called in at pharmacy from hell number 1 (the first one to be unhelpful). I stood at the prescription side of the till, leaning on the counter so i didn't fall over, and the nice lady chatted with the customer at the retail counter. Apparently the customers sister is running the Race for Life so she was very proud and telling her all about it......... whilst i stood waiting. She took the script from me and asked (i really wanna put aksed!) me to sign it. I asked which box i needed to tick as i don't have my glasses on me, and i explained I'm having chemo. Straight away, no pauses, no threats of fines, no pushing me up against the tubigrip, she ticked the medical exempt box! So easy!
I waited for the script to be filled whilst the pharmacist continued to chat about her feet. Apparently she can't wear shoes at the mo, what an awful shame.
Then my drug of choice was handed over.
In my day they used to say with a smile, 'Take one tablet with food in the morning.' Or as i once heard, (not to me, i might add) 'Insert one pessary into your vagina at night time and hopefully in a few days your discharge should stop!'
It was nice the whole shop got an intimate view into the life of the young lady with the red face!
Id really like to go on Room 101. But if Frank Skinner doesn't drop my stuff in Room 101 there would be hell to pay.
I would put in useless unhelpful pharmacists/shopworkers, religious door knockers, rats, calories, social workers, and of course door to door charity collectors. I could carry on here and have an endless list of Room 101 exhibits, but i don't want to bore you, and i don't want to cause a riot. I can hear you all at the end of your laptops shouting out your own choices!
Otherwise, an uneventful day!!!
So i shall publish my blog now so that i have the evening free to enjoy Coronation Street and Happy Valley this evening! I live life on the edge.
What a day full of stress.
Chris, my beloved oldest son is so stressed he couldn't get out of bed cos his neck was so sore. He's gone off to A&E. No chance of getting a GP appointment. He's trying to buy a house (hoping to move in the next week or so), doing a PhD, worrying about his mumma, Dorset social services hounding him for bank statements and stuff, and considering they've mucked up big style over the last year or so, I'm surprised they have the nerve to ask him for anything, and finally Wiltshire social services who are equally as useless as Dorset, are relentless asking for more and more forms, documents, information etc. Just as he gives them what they ask, they ask for something else.
I have the social workers name and number and I've been trying to contact her all day, but of course she doesn't get back to me. Cant say I'm surprised. I expect nothing less from these people. If i told you the whole story (if i could remember it all) you'd be shocked.
Dr Jacks secretary rang me to say chemo number 9 will be on wednesday instead of tuesday. Another day further on. Apparently they have no spaces on the tuesday.
Spoke to the GP and have a prescription for beta blockers to start tomorrow. She said the ramipril doesn't necessarily work straight away. Hence me still feeling out of puff and pulse racing.
I also have a new blood form to collect to test my thyroid and kidneys. My heart will definitely have to work harder next tuesday when i have my pre chemo bloods. I doubt i'll have any blood left in my veins after they've finished with me.
The CT department have booked me in for this thursday at 12 for my lung CT. NBM from 8am except clear fluids. Another cannula and dye! Im starting to look like a pin cushion. They're normally round and squidgy too!
The MRI have tried to book me in for the same day at 8.10am!!!! But they can't do it the same day as CT, so 'how about the 4th?' Chemo day. They're gonna get back to me after they've done some juggling! Very skilled staff!
OMG you don't know how much i wish it were July!!!
Oh yes. There was something else. I called in at pharmacy from hell number 1 (the first one to be unhelpful). I stood at the prescription side of the till, leaning on the counter so i didn't fall over, and the nice lady chatted with the customer at the retail counter. Apparently the customers sister is running the Race for Life so she was very proud and telling her all about it......... whilst i stood waiting. She took the script from me and asked (i really wanna put aksed!) me to sign it. I asked which box i needed to tick as i don't have my glasses on me, and i explained I'm having chemo. Straight away, no pauses, no threats of fines, no pushing me up against the tubigrip, she ticked the medical exempt box! So easy!
I waited for the script to be filled whilst the pharmacist continued to chat about her feet. Apparently she can't wear shoes at the mo, what an awful shame.
Then my drug of choice was handed over.
In my day they used to say with a smile, 'Take one tablet with food in the morning.' Or as i once heard, (not to me, i might add) 'Insert one pessary into your vagina at night time and hopefully in a few days your discharge should stop!'
It was nice the whole shop got an intimate view into the life of the young lady with the red face!
Id really like to go on Room 101. But if Frank Skinner doesn't drop my stuff in Room 101 there would be hell to pay.
I would put in useless unhelpful pharmacists/shopworkers, religious door knockers, rats, calories, social workers, and of course door to door charity collectors. I could carry on here and have an endless list of Room 101 exhibits, but i don't want to bore you, and i don't want to cause a riot. I can hear you all at the end of your laptops shouting out your own choices!
Otherwise, an uneventful day!!!
So i shall publish my blog now so that i have the evening free to enjoy Coronation Street and Happy Valley this evening! I live life on the edge.
Monday 26 May 2014
26.5.14
Another good 'un.
I like lazing around in the morning. I get my breakfast and go back to bed with the girlies.
But today i had dessert to make for lunch at Lindas. I did say in yesterdays blog i would take a photo and post it on here.
Guess who forgot????
I got to Lindas for about 12 lunchtime. We chatted a while. Not just me and Linda. Her daughter Kerrie and hubby, Ian. We covered so many topics!
Lunch was served about 1 ish. Salad, breaded camembert and mozzarella, potato salad, olives, and probably other things, but............. forgotten! I really enjoyed it tho, i remember that bit.
Then dessert.
It was a strawberry pavlova with cream and strawberry sauce, and it was delish.
But no photo!
We retired to the summerhouse about 2 ish, and we continued talking about almost everything until about 5 ish. I had a lovely day. Its the first time I've been invited out for months!
When i got home, Jenni and Linda (her mum) called round. Had a cuppa with them and painted their nails for them ready for their holiday on saturday.
So an evening of fun and laughter.
So all in all, a very good day.
I am now in bed and my eyes are getting heavy, so i think its time for me to get a bit of shut eye.
OMG. I fell asleep whilst watching tv, and I've just woken up, almost panic stricken, thinking i should have done something!
Another night terror, but not as terrifying as before. More a night worry.
Even fully awake, I'm still wondering what it is i should have done! It is so convincing.
2nd time lucky!
Nighty night.
Another good 'un.
I like lazing around in the morning. I get my breakfast and go back to bed with the girlies.
But today i had dessert to make for lunch at Lindas. I did say in yesterdays blog i would take a photo and post it on here.
Guess who forgot????
I got to Lindas for about 12 lunchtime. We chatted a while. Not just me and Linda. Her daughter Kerrie and hubby, Ian. We covered so many topics!
Lunch was served about 1 ish. Salad, breaded camembert and mozzarella, potato salad, olives, and probably other things, but............. forgotten! I really enjoyed it tho, i remember that bit.
Then dessert.
It was a strawberry pavlova with cream and strawberry sauce, and it was delish.
But no photo!
We retired to the summerhouse about 2 ish, and we continued talking about almost everything until about 5 ish. I had a lovely day. Its the first time I've been invited out for months!
When i got home, Jenni and Linda (her mum) called round. Had a cuppa with them and painted their nails for them ready for their holiday on saturday.
So an evening of fun and laughter.
So all in all, a very good day.
I am now in bed and my eyes are getting heavy, so i think its time for me to get a bit of shut eye.
OMG. I fell asleep whilst watching tv, and I've just woken up, almost panic stricken, thinking i should have done something!
Another night terror, but not as terrifying as before. More a night worry.
Even fully awake, I'm still wondering what it is i should have done! It is so convincing.
2nd time lucky!
Nighty night.
Sunday 25 May 2014
25.5.14
Sunny day.
Walked the dogs, for an hour!!! I met a dog walking friend and his dog at the park, so we chatted more than walking, but a whole hour!!! I must be feeling better.
Its difficult to say, but i think the shortness of breath, my dicky ticker, is slightly better being on these tablets. Lets hope so.
The rest of the sunny day has been wasted, sitting inside, playing silly computer games, watching TV and not doing the few small jobs i was supposed to.
I did a very small amount of weeding. In fact i feel a fraud even mentioning it. I pulled up, and snapped a few bindweed tendrils.
Ive had a kookie thought! Knowing how rapid bindweed grows, how prolific it is.......... are you getting where I'm going with this?
Transplant it onto my bonce. I would be swishing my curls about in no time. I may have the occasional bout of greenfly or a dose of powdery mildew, but in my desperate bald state, beggars can't be choosers.
Oh i did go to Tesco to get some provisions.
Why oh why did you not sit in the sunshine, i hear you say.
Ive never been a great one for sunbathing, but I'm a little unstable. I feel if i do anything 'different' i could make myself feel ill.
Not only that, i have been banished from the sun for ever and ever amen.
Apparently, chemo makes your skin more sensitive which can cause your skin to blister. I believe this because a few weeks back i sat in Lindas garden, fully clothed (thank god) and with a wide brimmed hat on. I was only there for half an hour. When i got home i noticed my chest was bright red.
Secondly, being that the skin is sensitive, it can cause pigmentation, light or dark, and more than likely it will be permanent. I don't wanna look like a giraffe.
Thirdly, chemo makes you more at risk of a secondary cancer, and we really don't wanna be getting skin cancer.
To be fair, in the grand scheme of things, I'm not too bothered about sitting in the shade. I like the warmth but can't cope with it too hot.
Is it acceptable to swim in the pool with a wide brimmed hat?
But tomorrow is another day.
Ive been invited to Lindas for lunch. I can't wait. She did say what we were having, but as is my normal now, I've forgotten. Its like christmas every day for me!!
Im doing dessert. I can't say what it is in case she reads this, but if i remember (yeah whatever!!) i will take a photo of it tomorrow and post it on here.
So after a busy day doing nothing, i shall skip the light fandango up the stairs and hope by the time i get to the top, I'm not short of breath.
TTFN
Sunny day.
Walked the dogs, for an hour!!! I met a dog walking friend and his dog at the park, so we chatted more than walking, but a whole hour!!! I must be feeling better.
Its difficult to say, but i think the shortness of breath, my dicky ticker, is slightly better being on these tablets. Lets hope so.
The rest of the sunny day has been wasted, sitting inside, playing silly computer games, watching TV and not doing the few small jobs i was supposed to.
I did a very small amount of weeding. In fact i feel a fraud even mentioning it. I pulled up, and snapped a few bindweed tendrils.
Ive had a kookie thought! Knowing how rapid bindweed grows, how prolific it is.......... are you getting where I'm going with this?
Transplant it onto my bonce. I would be swishing my curls about in no time. I may have the occasional bout of greenfly or a dose of powdery mildew, but in my desperate bald state, beggars can't be choosers.
Oh i did go to Tesco to get some provisions.
Why oh why did you not sit in the sunshine, i hear you say.
Ive never been a great one for sunbathing, but I'm a little unstable. I feel if i do anything 'different' i could make myself feel ill.
Not only that, i have been banished from the sun for ever and ever amen.
Apparently, chemo makes your skin more sensitive which can cause your skin to blister. I believe this because a few weeks back i sat in Lindas garden, fully clothed (thank god) and with a wide brimmed hat on. I was only there for half an hour. When i got home i noticed my chest was bright red.
Secondly, being that the skin is sensitive, it can cause pigmentation, light or dark, and more than likely it will be permanent. I don't wanna look like a giraffe.
Thirdly, chemo makes you more at risk of a secondary cancer, and we really don't wanna be getting skin cancer.
To be fair, in the grand scheme of things, I'm not too bothered about sitting in the shade. I like the warmth but can't cope with it too hot.
Is it acceptable to swim in the pool with a wide brimmed hat?
But tomorrow is another day.
Ive been invited to Lindas for lunch. I can't wait. She did say what we were having, but as is my normal now, I've forgotten. Its like christmas every day for me!!
Im doing dessert. I can't say what it is in case she reads this, but if i remember (yeah whatever!!) i will take a photo of it tomorrow and post it on here.
So after a busy day doing nothing, i shall skip the light fandango up the stairs and hope by the time i get to the top, I'm not short of breath.
TTFN
Saturday 24 May 2014
24.5.14
Midnight ish!
God love us and save us!
I am in a state of shock.
My last blog told tales of my new heart tablets which could possibly cause dizziness and cos I'm such a wuss i don't want anything nausea related.
I told you how it wasn't too bad. Just a mild delayed reaction when i move my head.
I then mentioned counting sheep etc. Do you remember?
Well i cuddled up in bed, focusing on the window. I do this at night because sometimes my vertigo makes me a bit woozy.
I knew it wouldn't take long, but i dozed off.
Ive mentioned before that sometimes at night i will semi wake up feeling theres something i should have done. Usually in my confusion, i get up, put my dressing gown on and attempt to figure out what it is that i should have done.
I then wake up properly and tell myself to pull myself together and go back to sleep, and stop being a twat.
I only thought the other day, i haven't done that for a while.
Well, ill try and explain what just happened! Its not gonna be easy.
I woke up and realised something wasn't right, so i jumped out of bed (remember, don't move too quick cos of dizziness) and something told me i shouldn't do that so i was gonna die! I really can't recall what it was that i shouldn't have done, but i was extremely aware i was in trouble. So much so that i ran to the bathroom, put my dressing gown on and rang Sam, who was downstairs.
Obviously my panic-stricken voice made him aware of my state. He rushed upstairs, full of concern, to find me sat on the bed, shaking. Almost another rigor! I was almost hysterical. I sobbed and sobbed. He gave me a hug, he's brilliant at hugs.
'Sam i haven't done something and I'm gonna die! What haven't i done? Is it the tablets?'
Or words to that effect!
His response?????
'Wouldn't it have been better to dial 999 if you're gonna die?'
To be fair he looked really worried until he realised his mother is a twat!
Then the penny dropped......i am a twat!
We both laughed at the same time.
But i really really spooked myself. I can't tell you the fear i felt. Even to think back to it now, i can't fully remember what it was about but it was horrid.
It was something i shouldn't have done that would end badly if i did it, and id just done it.
I dread to think what my pulse is doing.
In short, i suppose i had a nightmare, or maybe theres another term for it. A night terror. I may google it today. I have plenty of relaxation time to do it in!
Woken to the sound of pitter patter on my window. Yes its raining again. I don't mind the rain when I'm indoors. I find it comforting, and today is a day where a bit of comfort fits me like a fur stole.
I keep thinking back to Linda and my last chemo. Its upsetting. Yesterday when i told her it had been put forward a week, she reminded me she was away. My response was, never mind, it'll be fine. Thinking of myself initially. In fact, to be fair, not thinking of anything properly. Then it sank in. She won't be there, the final, what we've worked together for.
For me, thats more than disappointing, far far more. I couldn't have done it without her. I know I've said it before, but i owe her big style.
For her, she's gutted. I can't even find a suitable analogy. She's put so much effort into me and my health.
Ive been trying to think of ways to bring it forward. Maybe if the next 4 were a day early each time? Maybe she could be there on Skype for the last 10 minutes and see me ring the bell?
So, a day of relaxing (deja vu) in front of the tv (more deja vu). I ambled the garden a few times, Ive looked at the garage and imagined myself painting it, and thats about it.
I don't know when these tablets work and i should be able to do a bit more? Soon i hope.
Sam has just made me a wonderful hot chicken and bacon salad. Oh it was divine.
Thats me done for the day.
Hoping for a better nights sleep!!! I shall give myself a good talking too before bed.
Sweet dreams.
Midnight ish!
God love us and save us!
I am in a state of shock.
My last blog told tales of my new heart tablets which could possibly cause dizziness and cos I'm such a wuss i don't want anything nausea related.
I told you how it wasn't too bad. Just a mild delayed reaction when i move my head.
I then mentioned counting sheep etc. Do you remember?
Well i cuddled up in bed, focusing on the window. I do this at night because sometimes my vertigo makes me a bit woozy.
I knew it wouldn't take long, but i dozed off.
Ive mentioned before that sometimes at night i will semi wake up feeling theres something i should have done. Usually in my confusion, i get up, put my dressing gown on and attempt to figure out what it is that i should have done.
I then wake up properly and tell myself to pull myself together and go back to sleep, and stop being a twat.
I only thought the other day, i haven't done that for a while.
Well, ill try and explain what just happened! Its not gonna be easy.
I woke up and realised something wasn't right, so i jumped out of bed (remember, don't move too quick cos of dizziness) and something told me i shouldn't do that so i was gonna die! I really can't recall what it was that i shouldn't have done, but i was extremely aware i was in trouble. So much so that i ran to the bathroom, put my dressing gown on and rang Sam, who was downstairs.
Obviously my panic-stricken voice made him aware of my state. He rushed upstairs, full of concern, to find me sat on the bed, shaking. Almost another rigor! I was almost hysterical. I sobbed and sobbed. He gave me a hug, he's brilliant at hugs.
'Sam i haven't done something and I'm gonna die! What haven't i done? Is it the tablets?'
Or words to that effect!
His response?????
'Wouldn't it have been better to dial 999 if you're gonna die?'
To be fair he looked really worried until he realised his mother is a twat!
Then the penny dropped......i am a twat!
We both laughed at the same time.
But i really really spooked myself. I can't tell you the fear i felt. Even to think back to it now, i can't fully remember what it was about but it was horrid.
It was something i shouldn't have done that would end badly if i did it, and id just done it.
I dread to think what my pulse is doing.
In short, i suppose i had a nightmare, or maybe theres another term for it. A night terror. I may google it today. I have plenty of relaxation time to do it in!
Woken to the sound of pitter patter on my window. Yes its raining again. I don't mind the rain when I'm indoors. I find it comforting, and today is a day where a bit of comfort fits me like a fur stole.
I keep thinking back to Linda and my last chemo. Its upsetting. Yesterday when i told her it had been put forward a week, she reminded me she was away. My response was, never mind, it'll be fine. Thinking of myself initially. In fact, to be fair, not thinking of anything properly. Then it sank in. She won't be there, the final, what we've worked together for.
For me, thats more than disappointing, far far more. I couldn't have done it without her. I know I've said it before, but i owe her big style.
For her, she's gutted. I can't even find a suitable analogy. She's put so much effort into me and my health.
Ive been trying to think of ways to bring it forward. Maybe if the next 4 were a day early each time? Maybe she could be there on Skype for the last 10 minutes and see me ring the bell?
So, a day of relaxing (deja vu) in front of the tv (more deja vu). I ambled the garden a few times, Ive looked at the garage and imagined myself painting it, and thats about it.
I don't know when these tablets work and i should be able to do a bit more? Soon i hope.
Sam has just made me a wonderful hot chicken and bacon salad. Oh it was divine.
Thats me done for the day.
Hoping for a better nights sleep!!! I shall give myself a good talking too before bed.
Sweet dreams.
Friday 23 May 2014
23.5.14
A wonderful nights sleep, but not a good start to the morning.
Don't click on the x at the top of the page after that statement. It could be entertaining!
So Lyn has taken the dogs out for a walk on this wet blustery day.
I continue to laze in bed like a queen.
Thoughts of preparation of the girls brekky. Today they will mainly be eating sardines and minced chicken.
On their return, i drag myself dramatically out of bed, bid goodbye and thank you to Lyn and head to the kitchen for a gourmet delight.
It is 8.30 am. I hear a vibrating sound emanating from upstairs. My mobile phone! It can't be anything important at this time of the day. With a over pumping enlarged ventricle, dashing up the stairs isn't an option.
Im expecting a call from Dr Jack, but I'm sure he won't have managed to speak to the cardiologist at this time of the morning. So i am sure its nothing important.
On return to my comfy safe haven i listen to a voicemail.
'Can you call Sara, Dr C's secretary, on 01202 55255.'
Dr C is the cardiologist.
Thats not a proper number. Only 5 digits.
I ring the number that was left on my phone which was PGH. I explain the problem and I'm put through to Dr C's secretary.
'Hello, this is Sue, Dr C's secretary. Im on leave until 3rd June. Leave a message.'
I hang up the phone, and in my stress, which isn't good when you have an enlarged left ventricle, i shout, 'FFS.' Not the abbreviation though!!!!
Then i realise, i hadn't hung up!!!!
OOOHHHHH NNNOOOOOOO.
I rang PGH again and get put through to Sara, eventually.
Its a problem of mine, i cannot tell a story in a simple fashion. I have to go all round the houses!
So my first 10 minutes with Sara were explaining how i didn't get the number, and rang PGH, and put through to Sue, etc etc etc.
Followed by a 10 minute apology for Sue on her return from annual leave, in case she has on her voicemail, me blaspheming!
I can feel my right ventricle joining forces with my left!
And onto my next subject!
I have asked my Sam to go to the doctors surgery to get my prescription for my new heart pills!
He has just rung me from the chemist to ask which box to tick on the back of the script. I told him to tell the chemist I'm on chemo, that makes you exempt from prescription charges.
He has already told them that but they are being 'jobsworths'. So i spoke to them and they asked which box to tick. I said i have no idea, I'm having chemo. You've got more idea than me.
'You do realise you can be fined £1000 if you tick the wrong box and they find out!'
Really?
Do you think they would fine someone on Statutary Sick Pay who's undergoing chemo £1000 if she ticks maternity rather than medical exemption?
I said this to her and she replied, 'probably not!'
She then informs me its the 'medical exemption' box. So she knew all along!
After hanging up the phone, she then tells Sam we/me could be fined £1000 for fraud! She's relentless. She's gonna break him down one way or another. Maybe if she grabs his arm and twists it behind his back, and presses him up against the bandages and plasters shelf, or maybe the diabetic jam shelf, maybe he'll own up to not having a mother on chemo, and that he's gonna sell the heart tablets on the black market. She will then be held up as a hero and be on Pride of Britain this year.
A little power in the wrong hands just shows how our country is going downhill rapidly. Gone are the days when people were helpful when you were incapacitated. Its now all about self gratification and making life difficult for people!
Well done West Parley Pharmacy. You get a gold medal for being unhelpful.
The remainder of the day has been spent relaxing.
Lyn called round for a cuppa so i told her all my news and she told me all about her holiday in Mehico.
Then Dr Jack rang.
To cut a long story short, theres a whizzo drug that will protect my heart from the doxorubicin but it won't be available till the end of the week, and as he's away for the week, so he's cancelled it till the following week and instead i will be having a CT scan of my lungs.
I must say i was secretly hoping he was gonna cancel a cycle of chemo. But no! He obviously wants me to keep visiting him every fortnight for my dashing company and lithe figure.
I can't say I'm thrilled about missing a week cos it puts out my 'day counting'. D Day is now 15th july (all being well), but worse still, Linda is on holiday for that week. I can't say how bad that is.
She's been there through all of it with me, and the pinnacle of the whole thing, she's away. She's gutted, and so am i. We've talked so much about number 12, the emotion, the excitement, the victory, the end.
Nothing more to say.
As requested by Dr Jack, Ive done a 'test' of getting my pulse to over 120bpm and then check how long it takes to 'cool down'. To get my pulse up (to 132) i climbed the stairs, twice!!!
Ive done all my pulse readings and emailed it to Dr Jack. It wasn't easy cos i kept losing count!!! Yes thats right. I can't even count now!
I have taken my new tablet which will help my heart to beat properly by opening my blood vessels. Its all very technical.
I was filled with trepidation. I was told my blood pressure can drop so i could go dizzy and maybe even pass out! So i have to take it easy till I'm used to them.
I am sat like a statue not wishing to move in case of dizziness. Sam has made my dinner. He nearly had to eat it for me! But all seems well so far.
I have managed!
Im aware if i move quickly my head takes a little while to catch up, but all in all, its ok. I will live to see another day!
I was hoping i would have a fairly instant reaction, the shortness of breath and the tachycardia would cease. Silly of me really.
Maybe tomorrow i will notice a difference.
So now I'm off to count sheep. Difficult with my most recent inability of counting, but also difficult with my head waving from side to side as the dear little things hurdle the fences, what with the dizziness, and all that.
I feel theres a joke there somewhere about being woolly like my brain.
A wonderful nights sleep, but not a good start to the morning.
Don't click on the x at the top of the page after that statement. It could be entertaining!
So Lyn has taken the dogs out for a walk on this wet blustery day.
I continue to laze in bed like a queen.
Thoughts of preparation of the girls brekky. Today they will mainly be eating sardines and minced chicken.
On their return, i drag myself dramatically out of bed, bid goodbye and thank you to Lyn and head to the kitchen for a gourmet delight.
It is 8.30 am. I hear a vibrating sound emanating from upstairs. My mobile phone! It can't be anything important at this time of the day. With a over pumping enlarged ventricle, dashing up the stairs isn't an option.
Im expecting a call from Dr Jack, but I'm sure he won't have managed to speak to the cardiologist at this time of the morning. So i am sure its nothing important.
On return to my comfy safe haven i listen to a voicemail.
'Can you call Sara, Dr C's secretary, on 01202 55255.'
Dr C is the cardiologist.
Thats not a proper number. Only 5 digits.
I ring the number that was left on my phone which was PGH. I explain the problem and I'm put through to Dr C's secretary.
'Hello, this is Sue, Dr C's secretary. Im on leave until 3rd June. Leave a message.'
I hang up the phone, and in my stress, which isn't good when you have an enlarged left ventricle, i shout, 'FFS.' Not the abbreviation though!!!!
Then i realise, i hadn't hung up!!!!
OOOHHHHH NNNOOOOOOO.
I rang PGH again and get put through to Sara, eventually.
Its a problem of mine, i cannot tell a story in a simple fashion. I have to go all round the houses!
So my first 10 minutes with Sara were explaining how i didn't get the number, and rang PGH, and put through to Sue, etc etc etc.
Followed by a 10 minute apology for Sue on her return from annual leave, in case she has on her voicemail, me blaspheming!
I can feel my right ventricle joining forces with my left!
And onto my next subject!
I have asked my Sam to go to the doctors surgery to get my prescription for my new heart pills!
He has just rung me from the chemist to ask which box to tick on the back of the script. I told him to tell the chemist I'm on chemo, that makes you exempt from prescription charges.
He has already told them that but they are being 'jobsworths'. So i spoke to them and they asked which box to tick. I said i have no idea, I'm having chemo. You've got more idea than me.
'You do realise you can be fined £1000 if you tick the wrong box and they find out!'
Really?
Do you think they would fine someone on Statutary Sick Pay who's undergoing chemo £1000 if she ticks maternity rather than medical exemption?
I said this to her and she replied, 'probably not!'
She then informs me its the 'medical exemption' box. So she knew all along!
After hanging up the phone, she then tells Sam we/me could be fined £1000 for fraud! She's relentless. She's gonna break him down one way or another. Maybe if she grabs his arm and twists it behind his back, and presses him up against the bandages and plasters shelf, or maybe the diabetic jam shelf, maybe he'll own up to not having a mother on chemo, and that he's gonna sell the heart tablets on the black market. She will then be held up as a hero and be on Pride of Britain this year.
A little power in the wrong hands just shows how our country is going downhill rapidly. Gone are the days when people were helpful when you were incapacitated. Its now all about self gratification and making life difficult for people!
Well done West Parley Pharmacy. You get a gold medal for being unhelpful.
The remainder of the day has been spent relaxing.
Lyn called round for a cuppa so i told her all my news and she told me all about her holiday in Mehico.
Then Dr Jack rang.
To cut a long story short, theres a whizzo drug that will protect my heart from the doxorubicin but it won't be available till the end of the week, and as he's away for the week, so he's cancelled it till the following week and instead i will be having a CT scan of my lungs.
I must say i was secretly hoping he was gonna cancel a cycle of chemo. But no! He obviously wants me to keep visiting him every fortnight for my dashing company and lithe figure.
I can't say I'm thrilled about missing a week cos it puts out my 'day counting'. D Day is now 15th july (all being well), but worse still, Linda is on holiday for that week. I can't say how bad that is.
She's been there through all of it with me, and the pinnacle of the whole thing, she's away. She's gutted, and so am i. We've talked so much about number 12, the emotion, the excitement, the victory, the end.
Nothing more to say.
As requested by Dr Jack, Ive done a 'test' of getting my pulse to over 120bpm and then check how long it takes to 'cool down'. To get my pulse up (to 132) i climbed the stairs, twice!!!
Ive done all my pulse readings and emailed it to Dr Jack. It wasn't easy cos i kept losing count!!! Yes thats right. I can't even count now!
I have taken my new tablet which will help my heart to beat properly by opening my blood vessels. Its all very technical.
I was filled with trepidation. I was told my blood pressure can drop so i could go dizzy and maybe even pass out! So i have to take it easy till I'm used to them.
I am sat like a statue not wishing to move in case of dizziness. Sam has made my dinner. He nearly had to eat it for me! But all seems well so far.
I have managed!
Im aware if i move quickly my head takes a little while to catch up, but all in all, its ok. I will live to see another day!
I was hoping i would have a fairly instant reaction, the shortness of breath and the tachycardia would cease. Silly of me really.
Maybe tomorrow i will notice a difference.
So now I'm off to count sheep. Difficult with my most recent inability of counting, but also difficult with my head waving from side to side as the dear little things hurdle the fences, what with the dizziness, and all that.
I feel theres a joke there somewhere about being woolly like my brain.
Thursday 22 May 2014
22.5.14
Ratty man's been.
One of the traps under the kitchen cupboards had gone off last thursday.
It took ratty man quite a while to ascertain it was a juvenile rat. Where there are super rats these days, there are also super mice, and this 'animal' was either a large mouse or a small rat.
Diagnosis - Juvenile rat. I wonder if it was the tagging device on his ankle that makes it a juvenile? A rat with an ASBO!
So he's been removed - i presume its a he. If it were a she, she would have cleaned up the droppings under the cupboards! More traps set, more bait in the drains, and a request for a camera to be inserted to check for access for rats.
Im so pleased its not a mouse. I don't like killing anything, but any animal who can make my kitchen stink like a gents toilet (or even worse!!), and can run across my ceiling and make it sound like a herd of bison, deserves to be dispatched. Its my house, not yours!!
Well i had an awful night!
Here she goes, moaning again!
The rain was sooooo bad last night that a car alarm went off at 1.15am ish. Not sure if it was mine, or the car over the road. Either way, it woke me, and my arm was niggling so i couldn't go back to sleep. I feel like I've been awake all night, but I'm sure thats not the case. And today of all days, when i have many plans.
Im waiting for a visitor. Tracy an old school friend.
Look at these corkers. And she brought some lemon muffins.
Ratty man's been.
One of the traps under the kitchen cupboards had gone off last thursday.
It took ratty man quite a while to ascertain it was a juvenile rat. Where there are super rats these days, there are also super mice, and this 'animal' was either a large mouse or a small rat.
Diagnosis - Juvenile rat. I wonder if it was the tagging device on his ankle that makes it a juvenile? A rat with an ASBO!
So he's been removed - i presume its a he. If it were a she, she would have cleaned up the droppings under the cupboards! More traps set, more bait in the drains, and a request for a camera to be inserted to check for access for rats.
Im so pleased its not a mouse. I don't like killing anything, but any animal who can make my kitchen stink like a gents toilet (or even worse!!), and can run across my ceiling and make it sound like a herd of bison, deserves to be dispatched. Its my house, not yours!!
Well i had an awful night!
Here she goes, moaning again!
The rain was sooooo bad last night that a car alarm went off at 1.15am ish. Not sure if it was mine, or the car over the road. Either way, it woke me, and my arm was niggling so i couldn't go back to sleep. I feel like I've been awake all night, but I'm sure thats not the case. And today of all days, when i have many plans.
Im waiting for a visitor. Tracy an old school friend.
Look at these corkers. And she brought some lemon muffins.
Again, gassing non stop. Lovely to see her. She's so bright and breezy and always cheers me up.
On your marks, get set, go.
Lung function tests with Deben. He's a sweetie. They aren't much different from my last ones, so thats good news.
Lunch at the boat house in Poole Park with Linda. Its obligatory these days. If we go out for an appointment, somewhere, food is involved. We shared a cheese and red onion sandwich and fish finger and tartar sauce sandwich and thick cut chips. It was amazing. So good. Then a slow walk back to the hospital.
I found it very difficult. Huffing and puffing and by the time i got back to the department, my pulse was 126!
Saw the cardiologist. I won't mention his name because he was a little embarrassed!
He was lovely. Very friendly, and obviously knew what he was talking about.
He asked me to remove my top! I apologised for looking like a beached whale. Im so bloated all the time, it looks so wrong. He reached for a gown for me so he could get proper access.
'I don't think this is big enough for you!'
'What an insult,' i replied.
Oh bless his heart, he was mortified. He explained he hadn't meant it like that.
I laughed so much. He realised i wasn't offended, but he was so embarrassed. It set the appointment off in that vein, excuse the pun, and it continued.
Echocardiogram and ECG. Not such good news.
It seems i have a problem with my left ventricle. I either had a problem before chemo, which i don't think so, or the doxarubicin has given me a problem.
I asked, 'on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being if i only have a few breaths left, where would you put me?'
After a grin about my 'few breaths' comment, he replied 3-4, which isn't good really.
I start on ACE inhibitors tomorrow which I'm hoping will make me feel a bit better.
You never know, i may need to stop the chemo early!!!!
I will find out more tomorrow when Dr Jack rings me.
Anyway I'm having a relaxing evening in front of the TV with the girls this evening, as opposed to my usual high energy evenings!
So i will wish you a good evening.
Wednesday 21 May 2014
21.5.14
Had some very good news today about a fellow Hodgkins (as well as other things) sufferer. She's in partial remission and has only 2 more cycles of a different regime. Thats 2 more doses on a fortnightly basis, meaning she'll finish on 28th June, hopefully. She's had an awful time. She had a previous cancer which resulted in a mastectomy and reconstruction. Followed by HL.
She's a little inspiration to me.
And she's 18 today.
18!!!!!!
Im not a religious person, but theres nothing to stop anyone having a quick pray, and even a bit of begging.
Nice visit from a school friend, Gill. She brought round a lovely garden plant and some strawberries and cream, so we sat in the summerhouse and demolished them.
Lovely to see her. We talked for England.
Had some very good news today about a fellow Hodgkins (as well as other things) sufferer. She's in partial remission and has only 2 more cycles of a different regime. Thats 2 more doses on a fortnightly basis, meaning she'll finish on 28th June, hopefully. She's had an awful time. She had a previous cancer which resulted in a mastectomy and reconstruction. Followed by HL.
She's a little inspiration to me.
And she's 18 today.
18!!!!!!
Im not a religious person, but theres nothing to stop anyone having a quick pray, and even a bit of begging.
Nice visit from a school friend, Gill. She brought round a lovely garden plant and some strawberries and cream, so we sat in the summerhouse and demolished them.
Lovely to see her. We talked for England.
Aren't they gorgeous? If the storms hold up tomorrow, i will plant it in the garden. I have just the spot in mind.
Oh no i won't, busy day tomorrow. Im sure fun will be found at PGH Cardio Respiratory Department.
So, I've had a painful arm. It felt very much like neuralgia, nerve pain. Id been told you can get a sore arm where the drugs travel up the vein. But i wasn't sure what sort of pain, whether it was localised, if there would be any inflammation or bruising. So it only right, going on a past sore shoulder/arm, that this would be the same pain, so the same diagnosis.
It seems I'm wrong! Its actually chemo induced 'vein pain'. And my word, its fun! I have been popping the anti-inflammatorys constantly and its only numbed it slightly.
Now all my HL buddies have backed up the theory of the reaction of the drugs on the vein, i have relaxed enough and hopefully it will sod off!
I have though, been told to watch out for thrombosis! Have i not got enough to be getting on with?
I have a cunning plan.
I am gonna wrap myself in cotton wool, and then an outer layer of bubble wrap until the end of july.
And I'm gonna continue to count the days till i am released from my prison. The prison of life.
Freedom.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_bdOTUocn5w
Tuesday 20 May 2014
20.5.14
Hurrah.
I have turned a corner.
I still feel like a mandarin jelly in a food mixer, but I'm not switched on at the mo!
I am weak, puffy, dizzy, achey, and many other things, but water tastes of water again.
I also have a weird arm! I don't know if its chemo related or a trapped nerve. It aches, whatever it is. I am popping ibuprofen on a regular basis in case its the nerve! And being of a paranoid nature, i look at my arm now and see a large bruise tracking from my wrist upwards. I may be imagining that bit. I shall check in the morning in daylight.
I have spent the day whinging at the dogs about my 'chubbles', and in fact, anyone else who will listen. The rats have had an ear bending as well as a few swear words thrown in their direction! I think I'm right in saying, everyone is pleased my 'chubbles' are becoming smaller ones, if only for a few more days! And to be fair, i haven't heard much rat activity.
So since my recovery, i have had a visit from the lovely Linda. We enjoyed a bowl of cornflakes together! Then we walked the dogs round the park and then a nice cuppa in the summerhouse. So it was a nice end (or middle) to a not so good day.
Theres some lovely people about. Linda has been taking her mother in law to hospital for treatment when she's not taking me to hospital for treatment, and today was the day.
Mum in law bought me a cardigan to put a smile on my face. How sweet is that?
So, tonight I'm hoping for a good night. Not one full of dancing and drinking, not one full of hot sex, but one full of recharging an empty battery so that tomorrow may be a better day.
Arriverderci
Hurrah.
I have turned a corner.
I still feel like a mandarin jelly in a food mixer, but I'm not switched on at the mo!
I am weak, puffy, dizzy, achey, and many other things, but water tastes of water again.
I also have a weird arm! I don't know if its chemo related or a trapped nerve. It aches, whatever it is. I am popping ibuprofen on a regular basis in case its the nerve! And being of a paranoid nature, i look at my arm now and see a large bruise tracking from my wrist upwards. I may be imagining that bit. I shall check in the morning in daylight.
I have spent the day whinging at the dogs about my 'chubbles', and in fact, anyone else who will listen. The rats have had an ear bending as well as a few swear words thrown in their direction! I think I'm right in saying, everyone is pleased my 'chubbles' are becoming smaller ones, if only for a few more days! And to be fair, i haven't heard much rat activity.
So since my recovery, i have had a visit from the lovely Linda. We enjoyed a bowl of cornflakes together! Then we walked the dogs round the park and then a nice cuppa in the summerhouse. So it was a nice end (or middle) to a not so good day.
Theres some lovely people about. Linda has been taking her mother in law to hospital for treatment when she's not taking me to hospital for treatment, and today was the day.
Mum in law bought me a cardigan to put a smile on my face. How sweet is that?
So, tonight I'm hoping for a good night. Not one full of dancing and drinking, not one full of hot sex, but one full of recharging an empty battery so that tomorrow may be a better day.
Arriverderci
Monday 19 May 2014
19.5.14
A bad night. Maybe cos i dozed so much in the day, unintentionally, of course.
But i made it through to the morning!
Very achey today.
Wont be doing much again today.
Forced myself to go to the post office and chemist for exercise purposes, but i did drive!!! I don't think i could have walked round without being found flaked in a bush.
And I'm trying so hard to lessen my calorie intake. Its so difficult when all you can do is think of food, and eating takes away any nauseous feelings.
Oops just had cake!
Its amazing how quickly things can change in the chemo situation. I was tired, but ok yesterday, but today, oh my goodness, how everything aches. Bordering on painful. Cant really explain it. My usual adjective is WEIRD. It covers most things to do with chemo.
Im so lucky i don't have to work or do anything in particular. I don't know how id cope. I have 2 more days of nothing planned, although i may have a visit from Gill on wednesday if i recover enough.
But thursday!! Holy mother of Mary.
I have rat/mice people visiting at 8.30. Tracy at 10, then off for lung function tests, again! Followed by an appointment with a cardiac consultant and an echocardiogram. Its nice to see they're looking after me well. Friday will be a day off! And hoping to feel good enough to do some garage work at the weekend. Bet it'll rain!
So now its time for bed. The TV has helped somewhat to take my mind off my symptoms. But they are relentless.
So i shall bid you adieu.
A bad night. Maybe cos i dozed so much in the day, unintentionally, of course.
But i made it through to the morning!
Very achey today.
Wont be doing much again today.
Forced myself to go to the post office and chemist for exercise purposes, but i did drive!!! I don't think i could have walked round without being found flaked in a bush.
And I'm trying so hard to lessen my calorie intake. Its so difficult when all you can do is think of food, and eating takes away any nauseous feelings.
Oops just had cake!
Its amazing how quickly things can change in the chemo situation. I was tired, but ok yesterday, but today, oh my goodness, how everything aches. Bordering on painful. Cant really explain it. My usual adjective is WEIRD. It covers most things to do with chemo.
Im so lucky i don't have to work or do anything in particular. I don't know how id cope. I have 2 more days of nothing planned, although i may have a visit from Gill on wednesday if i recover enough.
But thursday!! Holy mother of Mary.
I have rat/mice people visiting at 8.30. Tracy at 10, then off for lung function tests, again! Followed by an appointment with a cardiac consultant and an echocardiogram. Its nice to see they're looking after me well. Friday will be a day off! And hoping to feel good enough to do some garage work at the weekend. Bet it'll rain!
So now its time for bed. The TV has helped somewhat to take my mind off my symptoms. But they are relentless.
So i shall bid you adieu.
Sunday 18 May 2014
18.5.14
The girls were looking forward to a treat for brekky today. I had got them a chicken carcass to share.
So having had my usual bowl of cornflakes and steroid, i ambled downstairs with my glasses so i can measure out the amount of food they have in the morning.
Why, oh why, did i take the TV remote control with me? Can i blame it on chemo brain? Yes i can.
Carcasses demolished and enjoyed i went into the garden to survey the garage wall, and lean too, that is to be prepped and painted today.
I have no energy!
I shall have to take it slowly. It must be the steroid slowdown. It doesn't matter if its not done, but i was looking forward to it. Damn chemo.
I do have an easier job for if i have no energy for the garage.
Putting on weight! Im a success at that!
Eating copious amounts of salad and fruit seem to make no difference.
Out of bed and up and at 'em.
A few chores done and I've had enough. Mopped the floor, emptied the bin, emptied the dishwasher.
Hands are shaking, so no garage painting for me today.
Never mind. Theres always next weekend.
The trouble is, when I'm unable to do things, i get bored. What do i do when I'm bored???
The good thing tho, Sam and his buddy Matt, have pulled the ivy down on the side of the house where the rats could have been getting in. Not convinced, but its all done, so one less thing to worry about. Still lots of suckers on the wall, not an easy thing to remove. Hoping in time they will drop off.
So on that note, I'm hoping for a good nights sleep, regardless of the fact that I've probably dozed a few times today.
And I'm hoping tonight i don't have to chase a bluebottle round the bedroom for half hour or so. I did see one heading up the stairs, but if he's got any sense, he'll do one!
The girls were looking forward to a treat for brekky today. I had got them a chicken carcass to share.
So having had my usual bowl of cornflakes and steroid, i ambled downstairs with my glasses so i can measure out the amount of food they have in the morning.
Why, oh why, did i take the TV remote control with me? Can i blame it on chemo brain? Yes i can.
Carcasses demolished and enjoyed i went into the garden to survey the garage wall, and lean too, that is to be prepped and painted today.
I have no energy!
I shall have to take it slowly. It must be the steroid slowdown. It doesn't matter if its not done, but i was looking forward to it. Damn chemo.
I do have an easier job for if i have no energy for the garage.
Putting on weight! Im a success at that!
Eating copious amounts of salad and fruit seem to make no difference.
Out of bed and up and at 'em.
A few chores done and I've had enough. Mopped the floor, emptied the bin, emptied the dishwasher.
Hands are shaking, so no garage painting for me today.
Never mind. Theres always next weekend.
The trouble is, when I'm unable to do things, i get bored. What do i do when I'm bored???
The good thing tho, Sam and his buddy Matt, have pulled the ivy down on the side of the house where the rats could have been getting in. Not convinced, but its all done, so one less thing to worry about. Still lots of suckers on the wall, not an easy thing to remove. Hoping in time they will drop off.
So on that note, I'm hoping for a good nights sleep, regardless of the fact that I've probably dozed a few times today.
And I'm hoping tonight i don't have to chase a bluebottle round the bedroom for half hour or so. I did see one heading up the stairs, but if he's got any sense, he'll do one!
Saturday 17 May 2014
17.5.14
A visit to my boy accompanied by Sam and the girlies, who sat well behaved on the back seat of the car without a murmur. The girlies that is! Sam made plenty of noise!
Lovely sunny day, but too much traffic on the road.
Spagetti bolognese ready and waiting, made specially cos mumma's coming for lunch, and it was yummy. The taste buds let me down a little, but i enjoyed every bit. Well done to Chloe who wore the Masterchef hat.
8 dogs running riot.
Cienna, Giorgio, Rocco, Tottie, Mona (MoonPig), Dottie, Ruby and a visit from Bella.
Dottie got all possessive and told a few dogs off, mainly Bella. She's her mothers daughter!!
Plenty of relaxing before the drive home.
Then a relaxing evening in front of the TV.
An early night cos I'm absolutely shattered from doing nothing much really.
So not much of a blog today, but then you've been spoilt by tales of rats, mice and charitable people!
I should say i had a telephone call at 9am. Don't know who he was, but he had an accent. People keep calling for a person called something like, Mr Sindumhundari. Nobody of that name has ever lived here.
I, of course, questioned him on his knowledge of the day and time.
He very defensively said, 'Work hours.'
I told him to, 'Get lost!'
Ooh hark at me!
A visit to my boy accompanied by Sam and the girlies, who sat well behaved on the back seat of the car without a murmur. The girlies that is! Sam made plenty of noise!
Lovely sunny day, but too much traffic on the road.
Spagetti bolognese ready and waiting, made specially cos mumma's coming for lunch, and it was yummy. The taste buds let me down a little, but i enjoyed every bit. Well done to Chloe who wore the Masterchef hat.
8 dogs running riot.
Cienna, Giorgio, Rocco, Tottie, Mona (MoonPig), Dottie, Ruby and a visit from Bella.
Dottie got all possessive and told a few dogs off, mainly Bella. She's her mothers daughter!!
Plenty of relaxing before the drive home.
Then a relaxing evening in front of the TV.
An early night cos I'm absolutely shattered from doing nothing much really.
So not much of a blog today, but then you've been spoilt by tales of rats, mice and charitable people!
I should say i had a telephone call at 9am. Don't know who he was, but he had an accent. People keep calling for a person called something like, Mr Sindumhundari. Nobody of that name has ever lived here.
I, of course, questioned him on his knowledge of the day and time.
He very defensively said, 'Work hours.'
I told him to, 'Get lost!'
Ooh hark at me!
Friday 16 May 2014
16.5.14
Now, I'm not thick! My boys would disagree with that, but I'm not!
The reason i put this comment is my minds wanderings this morning.
I woke at 5.20 but dozed of and on till 6.45. When i did manage to wake, i started to think of breakfast, how very unusual for me!!! I thought i may have scrambled egg on toast cos the buds have gone so i would have to have a bit of tomato sauce on it so i can taste it. But i quite like that sometimes. Then my mind reminded me of my long-standing problem of eating too fast.
I really eat much to fast, and its not good for me.
I put it down to when i was training to be a nurse in 1979. When patients went home, or dare i say, were despatched, their lunch tray would sit on the trolley, begging to be eaten. Now, we weren't allowed to do it, but being practical, logical, hungry people, we would ignore that rule.
We would take turns to say, 'Im just feeding Mr Green', and we would take our chosen food tray into the bathroom where no sister, or nursing officer would look, and we would woof it down pretty darn quick.
My bad habit started then and was exacerbated when i had children. 3 boys within 6 years, all needing feeding or help with feeding at the same time, as well as trying to feed myself, quickly of course.
Now i started to think about my boys ages, or more importantly to this story, how many months apart they are.
For 24 years i have said they are 1 year and 10 months apart. Joe feb 1990, Sam april 1988, and Chris june 1986.
I have been laying here trying to work it out, i don't know why cos i already know the answer. But..... could i work it out?
No i couldn't. I convinced myself it was 1 year and 2 months. How i got to this figure i don't know. But i lay here amazed that id got it wrong for 24 years.
Eventually i returned to my 24year discovery of 1 year and 10 months.
Like i say, I'm not thick. How did this happen? It can only be my new friend 'chemo brain'. Its soul destroying. I feel like I'm a waste of space (don't take that too seriously, its said tongue in water retention cheek). Ive noticed my typing is not as good, i make so many mistakes, spelling mistakes which i never had a problem with. Ive always been good at spelling. Thank goodness for Google. My memory is far far worse. And i find i put things in the wrong places, can't find things, and sometimes, i hate to say, my driving suffers. Not in a dangerous way, but i go the complete opposite way to where i want to go!
My normal, logical, practical brain is pickled. It is now a jelly bean. Jillybean has a jellybean!
And after all that, i forgot my scrambled eggs and had cornflakes!
Now, I'm not thick! My boys would disagree with that, but I'm not!
The reason i put this comment is my minds wanderings this morning.
I woke at 5.20 but dozed of and on till 6.45. When i did manage to wake, i started to think of breakfast, how very unusual for me!!! I thought i may have scrambled egg on toast cos the buds have gone so i would have to have a bit of tomato sauce on it so i can taste it. But i quite like that sometimes. Then my mind reminded me of my long-standing problem of eating too fast.
I really eat much to fast, and its not good for me.
I put it down to when i was training to be a nurse in 1979. When patients went home, or dare i say, were despatched, their lunch tray would sit on the trolley, begging to be eaten. Now, we weren't allowed to do it, but being practical, logical, hungry people, we would ignore that rule.
We would take turns to say, 'Im just feeding Mr Green', and we would take our chosen food tray into the bathroom where no sister, or nursing officer would look, and we would woof it down pretty darn quick.
My bad habit started then and was exacerbated when i had children. 3 boys within 6 years, all needing feeding or help with feeding at the same time, as well as trying to feed myself, quickly of course.
Now i started to think about my boys ages, or more importantly to this story, how many months apart they are.
For 24 years i have said they are 1 year and 10 months apart. Joe feb 1990, Sam april 1988, and Chris june 1986.
I have been laying here trying to work it out, i don't know why cos i already know the answer. But..... could i work it out?
No i couldn't. I convinced myself it was 1 year and 2 months. How i got to this figure i don't know. But i lay here amazed that id got it wrong for 24 years.
Eventually i returned to my 24year discovery of 1 year and 10 months.
Like i say, I'm not thick. How did this happen? It can only be my new friend 'chemo brain'. Its soul destroying. I feel like I'm a waste of space (don't take that too seriously, its said tongue in water retention cheek). Ive noticed my typing is not as good, i make so many mistakes, spelling mistakes which i never had a problem with. Ive always been good at spelling. Thank goodness for Google. My memory is far far worse. And i find i put things in the wrong places, can't find things, and sometimes, i hate to say, my driving suffers. Not in a dangerous way, but i go the complete opposite way to where i want to go!
My normal, logical, practical brain is pickled. It is now a jelly bean. Jillybean has a jellybean!
And after all that, i forgot my scrambled eggs and had cornflakes!
16.5.14
Lovely nights sleep. Feeling refreshed.
A nice relaxing day, crocheting, started on hat number 2.
But i did do a little bit of garage preparation for painting the wall. That darned ivy 'fibres' are difficult to get off the wall so i see i will be painting over the top of it. I think its called 'texturing'!
A bit more bindweed ripped out. I found some huge roots so managed to get a better hang on it. Still loads to go, but i am the boss, so I'm sure ill get it sorted one day.
Sam took lots to the tip so the gardens looking lovely until the next lot of ivy is ripped off the side of the house. The most important bit really. It was suggested that could be the entrance for rats! Im not so sure, but it needs to go just in case.
But the highlight of the day, a trip to M&S with Linda.
A fashion show, of sorts, and free refreshments, for special people! Bought a floaty green dress type thing for my holiday, for over my cozzy, if it still fits in september!
I haven't mentioned my holiday before. Nothings booked, but hoping to go to somewhere warm to relax after all the treatment. Cant wait. It'll be walks on the beach rather than mountain climbing and floating in the hotel pool rather than white water rafting.
A fillet steak and salad for dinner, scrummy, followed by a raspberry jelly which didn't hit the spot, unfortunately.
And then an evening of eyes closing and me dragging them back open again, followed by them closing and winning.
So now snuggled up in bed with Alan Carr. A little giggle before peeps.
Lovely nights sleep. Feeling refreshed.
A nice relaxing day, crocheting, started on hat number 2.
But i did do a little bit of garage preparation for painting the wall. That darned ivy 'fibres' are difficult to get off the wall so i see i will be painting over the top of it. I think its called 'texturing'!
A bit more bindweed ripped out. I found some huge roots so managed to get a better hang on it. Still loads to go, but i am the boss, so I'm sure ill get it sorted one day.
Sam took lots to the tip so the gardens looking lovely until the next lot of ivy is ripped off the side of the house. The most important bit really. It was suggested that could be the entrance for rats! Im not so sure, but it needs to go just in case.
But the highlight of the day, a trip to M&S with Linda.
A fashion show, of sorts, and free refreshments, for special people! Bought a floaty green dress type thing for my holiday, for over my cozzy, if it still fits in september!
I haven't mentioned my holiday before. Nothings booked, but hoping to go to somewhere warm to relax after all the treatment. Cant wait. It'll be walks on the beach rather than mountain climbing and floating in the hotel pool rather than white water rafting.
A fillet steak and salad for dinner, scrummy, followed by a raspberry jelly which didn't hit the spot, unfortunately.
And then an evening of eyes closing and me dragging them back open again, followed by them closing and winning.
So now snuggled up in bed with Alan Carr. A little giggle before peeps.
Thursday 15 May 2014
15.5.14
Rat a tat tat, i heard on my front door at 8am ish.
It was Wessex Water, and the new friend they have introduced me to, Rokil. Yes the rats are to be no more, she said hopefully and with everything crossed!!
Mr Rokil was putting powerfully strong stuff down my man hole!
I invited them both in to my kitchen, not sure if thats acceptable as I'm looking damned sexy in my dressing gown, with my lovely blue bed hat on! But they were both happy to follow me in!! That says a lot.
I showed them my recent find. Something had been in a secure (i thought) cupboard and chewed at sultanas and stuff.
Turns out its mice! Looked under the kick boards and theres lots of mice droppings so bait put in and 2 traps.
I showed them the photos of my drawer ( not my drawers!!!) that i emptied out a couple of weeks ago, with a spattering of droppings.
Turns out these were rat droppings.
So a double whammy.
Mr Rokil will return next thursday to check my traps!
So on with my day. I had woken having a night sweat at 2am and then woke at my nearly always normal time of 5.24am. So a little jaded, i went back to bed with my cornflakes and tea, which i always forget to drink.
I watched tv and carried on with the crocheting of my new 'at'. A lot of unpicking and recrocheting, considering i haven't crocheted before.
I remembered to ring Christian Aid to complain about the collector and his attitude. She was very apologetic and has said she will talk to his coordinator. At least i had a good moan. Im sure he won't be dumped for his insubordination, after all, he's voluntary! Arrogant, rude and egotistical, but voluntary!
I dragged myself out of bed at 12 ish cos i was hungry and i had a lovely curry. Walked the dogs. Then home for a bath.
Then back to unpicking and recrocheting.
I managed to doze of with no effort in the afternoon and woke up with 2 doggies wanting a cuddle.
The doorbell again. I hope its not charities cos I'm not in the mood. There on my doorstep was a cupcake in a cupcake holder, smiling up at me.
Rat a tat tat, i heard on my front door at 8am ish.
It was Wessex Water, and the new friend they have introduced me to, Rokil. Yes the rats are to be no more, she said hopefully and with everything crossed!!
Mr Rokil was putting powerfully strong stuff down my man hole!
I invited them both in to my kitchen, not sure if thats acceptable as I'm looking damned sexy in my dressing gown, with my lovely blue bed hat on! But they were both happy to follow me in!! That says a lot.
I showed them my recent find. Something had been in a secure (i thought) cupboard and chewed at sultanas and stuff.
Turns out its mice! Looked under the kick boards and theres lots of mice droppings so bait put in and 2 traps.
I showed them the photos of my drawer ( not my drawers!!!) that i emptied out a couple of weeks ago, with a spattering of droppings.
Turns out these were rat droppings.
So a double whammy.
Mr Rokil will return next thursday to check my traps!
So on with my day. I had woken having a night sweat at 2am and then woke at my nearly always normal time of 5.24am. So a little jaded, i went back to bed with my cornflakes and tea, which i always forget to drink.
I watched tv and carried on with the crocheting of my new 'at'. A lot of unpicking and recrocheting, considering i haven't crocheted before.
I remembered to ring Christian Aid to complain about the collector and his attitude. She was very apologetic and has said she will talk to his coordinator. At least i had a good moan. Im sure he won't be dumped for his insubordination, after all, he's voluntary! Arrogant, rude and egotistical, but voluntary!
I dragged myself out of bed at 12 ish cos i was hungry and i had a lovely curry. Walked the dogs. Then home for a bath.
Then back to unpicking and recrocheting.
I managed to doze of with no effort in the afternoon and woke up with 2 doggies wanting a cuddle.
The doorbell again. I hope its not charities cos I'm not in the mood. There on my doorstep was a cupcake in a cupcake holder, smiling up at me.
Who would do such a thing?
Then i remembered. A couple of days ago Judi Davenport, dear sweet lady, made some red velvet cupcakes and Cupcake Jane Wreyford commented, YES PLEASE XXX. I copied her comment to the letter. I wonder if it was Judi?
She said it was the cupcake fairy. AKA Judi.
She wanted to put a smile in my day. She certainly did that. It was so scrummy. There are some lovely people in this world. And she's near the top of the list.
So cupcake eaten, tea remembered and drank.
I continue with my 'at'.
The dogs are lounging next to me when suddenly Ruby jumped up and dived behind the sofa. Dottie was hovering by the cupboard and i could have sworn i heard a squeak. The dogs were obviously spooked by something.
Then i heard some scratching.
Then i heard a 'twang' like sound.
One of the mouse traps!!! Its like something out of an Agatha Christie play!
Poor little sausage. I can't look. I don't think its good for my health for one, but I'm far too squeamish at the mo. Im sure ill have no luck with asking Sam to do it either. Neither us are 'au fait' with traps and would probably set the unused one off on our hand! So it will have to stay there for a whole week with a decomposing mouse. Oh the joys!!!
Apparently the horrid smell I've been complaining about isn't decomposing rats, its the smell of rat urine! Strangely that makes me feel marginally better!
Anyway enough of all this vermin.
I have finished the 'at'. I have to sew the flower on, and i will try and take a pic of me modelling it tomorrow when i manage to put some makeup on, cos I'm off out with Linda for a coffee tomorrow before the steroids stop and i am back to my usual gibbering wreck on monday.
I am now going to climb the stairs and allow myself to drift off into a rat free, crochet free, charity free, chemo free, sleep.
See ya tomorrow.
Wednesday 14 May 2014
14.5.14
Part 2
Annoyed.com
Mr Christian Aid has returned for his envelope.
It is 8.30pm on a wednesday. If i had children in bed, they would now be awake from the door bell. If i were an elderly person i may be a little worried who is ringing my door bell at this time of night. If i was ill, maybe having chemo, i may be disturbed.
Anyway, I asked if he had posted the envelope in my letterbox and he said yes.
I explained i am having chemo and was in bed and it was 9.30pm on a sunday. The dogs made loads of noise at him posting the envelope. His reply, 'It was 10 to 9! We're not allowed to post after 9pm.'
I argued it was 9.30, and i am positive cos i went to the door wondering who it was at that time of night. When i saw it was a charity, i was very annoyed and checked the time.
He said it must have been someone else then!
He didn't even apologise.
As he walked off i said even 9pm is too late on a sunday evening. He shouted back, 'It was 10 to 9!'
Im amazed he's so sure it was 10 to 9 considering he told me it wasn't him who delivered the envelope!!!!
Im amazed! Stunned.
I will be ringing the head office tomorrow.
Part 2
Annoyed.com
Mr Christian Aid has returned for his envelope.
It is 8.30pm on a wednesday. If i had children in bed, they would now be awake from the door bell. If i were an elderly person i may be a little worried who is ringing my door bell at this time of night. If i was ill, maybe having chemo, i may be disturbed.
Anyway, I asked if he had posted the envelope in my letterbox and he said yes.
I explained i am having chemo and was in bed and it was 9.30pm on a sunday. The dogs made loads of noise at him posting the envelope. His reply, 'It was 10 to 9! We're not allowed to post after 9pm.'
I argued it was 9.30, and i am positive cos i went to the door wondering who it was at that time of night. When i saw it was a charity, i was very annoyed and checked the time.
He said it must have been someone else then!
He didn't even apologise.
As he walked off i said even 9pm is too late on a sunday evening. He shouted back, 'It was 10 to 9!'
Im amazed he's so sure it was 10 to 9 considering he told me it wasn't him who delivered the envelope!!!!
Im amazed! Stunned.
I will be ringing the head office tomorrow.
14.5.14
Oh what a beautiful morning!
Sun is shining, and I'm feeling fairly good.
Following my chat with Dr Jack yesterday, he's told me my shortness of breath etc is down to fatigue rather than lung damage, so thats good. This fatigue sh*t is heavy stuff.
I thought it may be mild depression, but i don't feel depressed. I doze a lot, even when i don't want too!
The times I've put something on the tv that I've 'recorded' only to wake up when its finished, watched it again, and the same again!
And i can't be bothered to do anything - again its the fatigue. It all makes sense now. If i didn't have chemo brain, i would have got it sooner.
Oh what a beautiful morning!
Sun is shining, and I'm feeling fairly good.
Following my chat with Dr Jack yesterday, he's told me my shortness of breath etc is down to fatigue rather than lung damage, so thats good. This fatigue sh*t is heavy stuff.
I thought it may be mild depression, but i don't feel depressed. I doze a lot, even when i don't want too!
The times I've put something on the tv that I've 'recorded' only to wake up when its finished, watched it again, and the same again!
And i can't be bothered to do anything - again its the fatigue. It all makes sense now. If i didn't have chemo brain, i would have got it sooner.
So today I'm feeling ok ish so i feel i should do something.
Ive mentioned before i have issues with my image, what with being fat and bald! The hats that i wear make me look ridiculous, and as I'm not overly bothered about looking ridiculous at the mo, i continue to wear them. My idea of opening the door to people who have annoyed me (charities, circulars, jehovahs witnesses (!!!!!) cold callers etc) bald stylee i believe is backfiring on me. I think I'm more scary with my hats on!
So today i will be visiting Hobbycraft to buy a crochet hook, a circular needle to attempt to knit and crochet some nicer hats. Its all very well having a wig, but its not always the most comfortable thing to wear. Lucky i don't go out much so i don't have to wear it much.
Although i do like a bit of shock factor when i whip if off to unsuspecting people. Am i wicked?
My hair is starting to grow back. Im looking like a baby bird, but bigger! Don't know if it will grow and stay, or if i will continue to moult. I have another 4 treatments (i call it treatments now, cos it makes me think I'm in a spa having a massage or facial).
Its also grey now (i say this as if i was a natural blonde before!) so its even more invisible. I can't wait to put some colour on it. My face is very pale and with invisible hair i look ill! And technically, I'm not ill.
Oh what a lovely day. Ive felt well enough to actually do things.
I went and got my knitting/crochet stuff with Karen, and we stopped for a cuppa and piece of Dorset apple cake, which was surprisingly good, but would have been better warmed and served with clotted cream! We had a jolly good time.
I did a bit of pottering in the garden. Ascertained my leaf blower works and steam cleaner works. They work better than i do at the mo!!
I tidied (take that loosely) the garage and found, to my horror, the bird seed and nuts etc have been attacked by mice, on the third shelf up!!! How do they reach it? Do they have a little mouse ladder?
I have a picture of a dashing debonair mouse in black 'slacks' and a black roll neck top, armed with a box of chocolates. Dashing from under the decking, dodging stray yapping dogs. Finding somehow, a way into the garage and scaling the shelf unit to nearly the top floor, dangerously dangling by a thread while winched to the correct station. Sharp dagger between his teeth unless he come across some danger. A large spider maybe, or an enemy mouse after the same treasure, maybe a lower class mouse dressed in rags just needing to feed a large family. Filling up sacks with nuts and seeds and leaving the calling card.
Im still waiting for the chocolates and i don't think I'm gonna get them now, cos I've put the remaining seeds in an airtight box and put them elsewhere. Ive also cleaned up all the mess the filthy animal left!
And more importantly, i have a new shelf to put more crap on!!!!
Sam has done a tip run with more ivy, i would say one more trip should do it.........for now! Still more to rip off the side of the house.
Its all coming together.
Oh its so nice being able to do things. Long may it last.
Ha ha ha, he he he, I'm a laughing gnome and you can't catch me......for now!
Night night all.
Tuesday 13 May 2014
13.5.14
Well, lookey lookey here!
Number 8. Its not even 7pm, and I'm blogging.
I would say I'm feeling a bit better.
I was a lot more positive today, which I'm surprised at. I seem to have lost some of my positivity just lately.
Chemo was uneventful.
Linda sat and rubbed my feet whilst i tried to sleep, it always makes the time fly a bit. She's a star. I couldn't do it without her. I owe her a lifetime of love and care.
I mentioned to Dr Jack about my rigor last time and he doubled my steroids. I felt happier knowing they would help. They're my lifesavers.
The last 5 minutes i had some shivery episodes. That turned into a rigor before i even left the hospital. Dr Jack offered me pethidine. Don't know what that would do, but i declined. Ive had enough poisons for one day.
My nurse, Leanne, who was absolutely wonderful, wanted me to stay in for a bit.
No chance!
Ive said before, I'm desperate to escape.
So got in Lindas car, shaking like a polaroid picture. Huffing and puffing.
By the time we were home, it had stopped.
I went to bed and it started again, but mildly and not for long.
So it was time for my regular prescription of digestives. They always make me feel better!
Placebo effect.
Feeling mighty fine, i decide to check my temp again. It was normal early.
39 C!!!
Thought of hospital admissions, cannulas, IV antibiotics etc filled me with anxiety.
I took my hat off, and used my fan to cool me down a little. Still 38.9.
Rang Dr Jack. His response.......
'Don't worry about it. Its a reaction to the bleomycin, like before. Your bloods are excellent, so a buffer for you. Keep an eye on it over the next few days.'
Gob smacked, but very happy.
Its amazing i feel so good considering all the poison I've had today. It never fails to amaze me. Im full of fatigue, a bit spaced out, but in the grand scheme of things i feel quite good.
Lets hope it stays like that.
A bit of shut eye, i think. Heres hoping for a good night.
Night night, don't let the bed bugs bite.
Well, lookey lookey here!
Number 8. Its not even 7pm, and I'm blogging.
I would say I'm feeling a bit better.
I was a lot more positive today, which I'm surprised at. I seem to have lost some of my positivity just lately.
Chemo was uneventful.
Linda sat and rubbed my feet whilst i tried to sleep, it always makes the time fly a bit. She's a star. I couldn't do it without her. I owe her a lifetime of love and care.
I mentioned to Dr Jack about my rigor last time and he doubled my steroids. I felt happier knowing they would help. They're my lifesavers.
The last 5 minutes i had some shivery episodes. That turned into a rigor before i even left the hospital. Dr Jack offered me pethidine. Don't know what that would do, but i declined. Ive had enough poisons for one day.
My nurse, Leanne, who was absolutely wonderful, wanted me to stay in for a bit.
No chance!
Ive said before, I'm desperate to escape.
So got in Lindas car, shaking like a polaroid picture. Huffing and puffing.
By the time we were home, it had stopped.
I went to bed and it started again, but mildly and not for long.
So it was time for my regular prescription of digestives. They always make me feel better!
Placebo effect.
Feeling mighty fine, i decide to check my temp again. It was normal early.
39 C!!!
Thought of hospital admissions, cannulas, IV antibiotics etc filled me with anxiety.
I took my hat off, and used my fan to cool me down a little. Still 38.9.
Rang Dr Jack. His response.......
'Don't worry about it. Its a reaction to the bleomycin, like before. Your bloods are excellent, so a buffer for you. Keep an eye on it over the next few days.'
Gob smacked, but very happy.
Its amazing i feel so good considering all the poison I've had today. It never fails to amaze me. Im full of fatigue, a bit spaced out, but in the grand scheme of things i feel quite good.
Lets hope it stays like that.
A bit of shut eye, i think. Heres hoping for a good night.
Night night, don't let the bed bugs bite.
Monday 12 May 2014
12.5.14
Good morning.
Today is bloods day with Linda, and lunch of course.
Lunch was amazing. Salterns Harbourside Hotel. Fillet steak, salad and chips, followed by eton mess. It was absolutely lovely. Beautiful venue, shame it showered now and again. And i even tasted it!
We are being filmed for a Sky 1 Christmas programme tonight at Rock Choir. So uniform is needed.
Oops, it doesn't fit any more! I shall wear black, at least its slimming, but I'm sure it won't cut the mustard. They say the camera makes you gain pounds.
We sang Signed sealed delivered, and started on Man in the mirror, but of course we needed something Christmassy. We sing a wicked Christmas medley.
Some were given tinsel or christmas hats. I of course, was given a hat. I didn't know whether to put it on top of the wig or not! I had this awful vision of taking it off and the wig coming off too!
Jenni and i were asked to have a personal chat about Christmas and performing at the Rock Choir concert, whilst they filmed us, which we enjoyed.
And plenty of singing. An evening full of fun and laughter, as usual.
I think Jenni and I are the silliest out of the whole choir!!!! Claire Harvey and Jenny Deacon come a close second tho!
So I'm home now and in bed. Im am not looking forward to tomorrow.
Number 8 is looming.
Please, please, please, let me have very few symptoms this time. Especially no rigor or nausea.
So a bit of shut eye for me.
Maybe chat tomorrow, depending on my state!
Good morning.
Today is bloods day with Linda, and lunch of course.
Lunch was amazing. Salterns Harbourside Hotel. Fillet steak, salad and chips, followed by eton mess. It was absolutely lovely. Beautiful venue, shame it showered now and again. And i even tasted it!
We are being filmed for a Sky 1 Christmas programme tonight at Rock Choir. So uniform is needed.
Oops, it doesn't fit any more! I shall wear black, at least its slimming, but I'm sure it won't cut the mustard. They say the camera makes you gain pounds.
We sang Signed sealed delivered, and started on Man in the mirror, but of course we needed something Christmassy. We sing a wicked Christmas medley.
Some were given tinsel or christmas hats. I of course, was given a hat. I didn't know whether to put it on top of the wig or not! I had this awful vision of taking it off and the wig coming off too!
Jenni and i were asked to have a personal chat about Christmas and performing at the Rock Choir concert, whilst they filmed us, which we enjoyed.
And plenty of singing. An evening full of fun and laughter, as usual.
I think Jenni and I are the silliest out of the whole choir!!!! Claire Harvey and Jenny Deacon come a close second tho!
So I'm home now and in bed. Im am not looking forward to tomorrow.
Number 8 is looming.
Please, please, please, let me have very few symptoms this time. Especially no rigor or nausea.
So a bit of shut eye for me.
Maybe chat tomorrow, depending on my state!
Sunday 11 May 2014
11.5.14
It was definitely nil point!
I watched Eurovision for 15 minutes before anyone even sang a song, and then i was tempted to top myself, so turned over quickly!
I did however, watch Man on a ledge, which i thoroughly enjoyed.
Sunny sunday.
I decided i need to cut the grass which was so long i couldn't see the dogs. I only have a tiddly bit of grass so not a big job. I cut it, i strimmed it, i raked it. So much better. And my raised rose garden which is overrun with finished bluebells, i decided to pull them out as it looked so untidy. So I've been a busy bee. I must be feeling better!
Dogs walked, jacket potato in the oven, time to chill until lunch is ready.
Sam has now been banished to the garden to carry on his job of pulling out that ivy root. Its gotta be donkeys years old and is holding onto the garage like Dottie held on to her bone yesterday! Its going no where.
On friday i left him alone for a short while with the hedge trimmer that he was using to chop up the huge ivy bush so he could take it to the tip. He cut through the garden hose! My fault of course for leaving the hose out! Luckily i managed to repair it. The hose is now about 8ft shorter than it was before.
A visit from the lovely Rachel. She brought a bag of 'stash' for me, bless her cotton socks. We can talk! 2 hours non stop.
It was definitely nil point!
I watched Eurovision for 15 minutes before anyone even sang a song, and then i was tempted to top myself, so turned over quickly!
I did however, watch Man on a ledge, which i thoroughly enjoyed.
Sunny sunday.
I decided i need to cut the grass which was so long i couldn't see the dogs. I only have a tiddly bit of grass so not a big job. I cut it, i strimmed it, i raked it. So much better. And my raised rose garden which is overrun with finished bluebells, i decided to pull them out as it looked so untidy. So I've been a busy bee. I must be feeling better!
Dogs walked, jacket potato in the oven, time to chill until lunch is ready.
Sam has now been banished to the garden to carry on his job of pulling out that ivy root. Its gotta be donkeys years old and is holding onto the garage like Dottie held on to her bone yesterday! Its going no where.
On friday i left him alone for a short while with the hedge trimmer that he was using to chop up the huge ivy bush so he could take it to the tip. He cut through the garden hose! My fault of course for leaving the hose out! Luckily i managed to repair it. The hose is now about 8ft shorter than it was before.
A visit from the lovely Rachel. She brought a bag of 'stash' for me, bless her cotton socks. We can talk! 2 hours non stop.
Oh i have a new gripe!!!!!
I have given to Cancer research UK on a regular basis, and certainly just recently, I've given more.
So im not adverse to charities.
Obviously as recorded in my blog fairly recently, i was truly narked by a pleasant lady from 'Childrens deaf charity' who rang the doorbell and asked me if id heard of them!!
Being that i was feeling a bit rough from my treatment, i told her i wasn't interested. She realised the situation, and backed off, quickly, apologising for disturbing me.
And i have since displayed a sticker saying, no circulars, charity bags, etc etc.
So.
Its sunday night.
Its 9.30pm.
I hear a noise at the front door. The dogs run like lunatics (dangerous dogs act worry!), barking and growling.
Christian Aid envelope!!!
Need i say any more?
Im looking forward to their return to collect said envelope!!!
Guts and garters are 2 words that spring to mind.
I shall retire to my bed safe in the knowledge that i am on a mission. Ha ha. I am a missionary!!!
Saturday 10 May 2014
10.5.14
Its me again. Mrs Moanalot.
I have a headache. Im dizzy. Im fidgety. Im fed up!
I was gonna go and visit Chris today, but Im not up to it! Its days like this that make chemo day worse, cos you know you're not gonna recover much before the next one.
Ive taken the dogs for a short walk. And thats about it!
Ive watched Masterchef, and other similar programmes. Fantasy homes by the sea.
And the hours are getting less until chemo 8. Two thirds of the way through.
Why does that not make me feel happy?
Im sure it'll go quick, so stop harping on about it!
Well its like world war 3 here today.
I gave the dogs a bone each!!!!
The Dangerous Dogs Act is changing this month and you can be prosecuted if your dog is out of control in your own home and garden as well as in public. Out of control is not just your dog biting someone, its even if the person feels threatened by your dog jumping up.
Oh bejaysus!
Im gonna have to tie my girls legs together. They have been encouraged by the public to jump up cos they're such sweet little girlies. Now if they jump up, i could be prosecuted.
So to watch them chewing on their bones, and Dottie getting narky at Ruby if she goes to close, i have 2 out of control vicious monsters.
But for now, I'm outta here!
The TV is calling.
Do you wanna know something strange? Chemo changes you. It changes so many things about you from your courage, to your taste in food. But it also changes your taste in TV programmes.
Either that or your intelligence.
Ive just turned over to BBC1 and Graham Norton - Eurovision.
Its either the chemo or I'm coming out of the closet!
So from Copenhagen - nil points.
Its me again. Mrs Moanalot.
I have a headache. Im dizzy. Im fidgety. Im fed up!
I was gonna go and visit Chris today, but Im not up to it! Its days like this that make chemo day worse, cos you know you're not gonna recover much before the next one.
Ive taken the dogs for a short walk. And thats about it!
Ive watched Masterchef, and other similar programmes. Fantasy homes by the sea.
And the hours are getting less until chemo 8. Two thirds of the way through.
Why does that not make me feel happy?
Im sure it'll go quick, so stop harping on about it!
Well its like world war 3 here today.
I gave the dogs a bone each!!!!
The Dangerous Dogs Act is changing this month and you can be prosecuted if your dog is out of control in your own home and garden as well as in public. Out of control is not just your dog biting someone, its even if the person feels threatened by your dog jumping up.
Oh bejaysus!
Im gonna have to tie my girls legs together. They have been encouraged by the public to jump up cos they're such sweet little girlies. Now if they jump up, i could be prosecuted.
So to watch them chewing on their bones, and Dottie getting narky at Ruby if she goes to close, i have 2 out of control vicious monsters.
But for now, I'm outta here!
The TV is calling.
Do you wanna know something strange? Chemo changes you. It changes so many things about you from your courage, to your taste in food. But it also changes your taste in TV programmes.
Either that or your intelligence.
Ive just turned over to BBC1 and Graham Norton - Eurovision.
Its either the chemo or I'm coming out of the closet!
So from Copenhagen - nil points.
Thursday 8 May 2014
9.5.14
You've seen it on Facebook, haven't you?
45 more sleeps! Usually before a holiday or wedding.
Im doing a similar thing.
5 more chemos. 5 more beads to transfer from the 'to do' pot to the 'done' pot.
2 more months.
9 more weeks.
61 days to last chemo (giving my self time to get over it, 69 days).
40 more days of possibly feeling rough, varying degrees.
10 days of definitely feeling rough (2 days for each chemo).
5 more GCSF injections.
15 more anti emetic tablets.
65 more steroid tablets.
61 sets of clean underwear.
61 bowls of cornflakes.
61 days till i ring the 'you've finished chemo' bell.
61 days till i feel elated.
61 days till i can get on with my life.
61 days till i start my diet! Actually it will be more than that cos ill be having steroids for a few days.
61 days till Linda gets her life back, too.
61 days till i think i will cry and cry and cry out of relief, amazement, pride, success, victory.
61 days till Linda and i will dance and sing and hug.
61 DAYS!!!
Tomorrow will be 60.
Not that I'm counting.
You've seen it on Facebook, haven't you?
45 more sleeps! Usually before a holiday or wedding.
Im doing a similar thing.
5 more chemos. 5 more beads to transfer from the 'to do' pot to the 'done' pot.
2 more months.
9 more weeks.
61 days to last chemo (giving my self time to get over it, 69 days).
40 more days of possibly feeling rough, varying degrees.
10 days of definitely feeling rough (2 days for each chemo).
5 more GCSF injections.
15 more anti emetic tablets.
65 more steroid tablets.
61 sets of clean underwear.
61 bowls of cornflakes.
61 days till i ring the 'you've finished chemo' bell.
61 days till i feel elated.
61 days till i can get on with my life.
61 days till i start my diet! Actually it will be more than that cos ill be having steroids for a few days.
61 days till Linda gets her life back, too.
61 days till i think i will cry and cry and cry out of relief, amazement, pride, success, victory.
61 days till Linda and i will dance and sing and hug.
61 DAYS!!!
Tomorrow will be 60.
Not that I'm counting.
8.5.14
Rat man's been back to rebait. The cavalry have been called in as the rats are still scratching around and droppings have been found in a kitchen drawer! Well i think they're droppings, or wild rice!
Miserable, miserable day.
No chance to wander round the grounds! I bet there's chance for bindweed to grow everywhere tho. Is the bindweed holding everything together? Im worried if i remove it the garden may fall apart.
I have found a few chores that i have to do, and i don't want to. I can't be bothered. Is that depression?
I just want to sit and play games on my laptop, oh, and eat of course! I just want time to whizz by.
If it is depression, its no great shakes. It must be the mildest of mild depressions.
I wrote a couple of letters the other day. I have 2 elderly aunts, one with an uncle! The couple live in Fife and the single aunt lives in Southbourne. I normally send them a Christmas card with a catch up for the year. I usually send love to the children (my age!) and wish them a happy new year. Well, of course i moved house last june and then by Christmas i was having an op and being diagnosed with Hodgkins, so i never sent a card and neither did i tell them of my new address.
So, i thought it time i sent a letter and apologised.
Yesterday i had a phone call from a Scottish lady apologising for opening the letter that she thought was meant for her. When she realised her error, she thought she'd better ring me to apologise and tell me the couple, my aunt and uncle, no longer lived there. My uncle died about 4 years ago and aunty had moved down south!
Flipping heck. Nice of them to let me know.
Strangely, the Christmas before i moved, i had a letter from a cousin in Chesterfield saying my uncle Stan had died in the summer. Nice of them to let me know, and 6 months late!
Well, to add to this exhilarating story, i got a letter today from my aunt in Southbourne. When i say it was from my aunt, what i mean is, its from the flat in Southbourne! Yes you've guessed it! The new owners moved in last october after the flat had been empty for over a year!
My worry is this. I am the common denominator!
If i could only have the same effect on the rats!
Oh no. I decided to google my aunty from Southbourne. She died on 17th november 2012, aged 82. How sad. My cousins never informed me. Its sad how families just grow apart.
Its sad i have no real family, other than my boys.
I have a half brother who i haven't seen for years, i see his wife now and again, and I've seen one of their sons a couple of times. There is a half sister too, and she's a weird one! Haven't seen her since mum and dad died. She did a runner to Cyprus with her boyfriend. As she was so nasty to my mum, her stepmother, I'm not too bothered about her doing a runner!
Are you keeping up with all this? Im gonna ask questions later and i'll expect a 100% pass rate!
However, i do have a very large family that have nothing to do with me! Cos i was adopted at birth, i have a family that i met when i was about 30, but my 'mother' had an issue with guilt and couldn't cope with a relationship with me, so she stopped contact with me and her 3 grandsons when i was about 33. I have had contact with a 'cousin' but she feels she must stay loyal to her nutty aunt, my mother'.
Honestly, families. Who'd have them? Im better off with my boys and my adopted sister, Linda.
Do you know what? Im shattered now! All this Private Eye work (I've been googling cousins and stuff) is tiring!
Im gonna tread the stairs.
See you all bright and breezy!
Rat man's been back to rebait. The cavalry have been called in as the rats are still scratching around and droppings have been found in a kitchen drawer! Well i think they're droppings, or wild rice!
Miserable, miserable day.
No chance to wander round the grounds! I bet there's chance for bindweed to grow everywhere tho. Is the bindweed holding everything together? Im worried if i remove it the garden may fall apart.
I have found a few chores that i have to do, and i don't want to. I can't be bothered. Is that depression?
I just want to sit and play games on my laptop, oh, and eat of course! I just want time to whizz by.
If it is depression, its no great shakes. It must be the mildest of mild depressions.
I wrote a couple of letters the other day. I have 2 elderly aunts, one with an uncle! The couple live in Fife and the single aunt lives in Southbourne. I normally send them a Christmas card with a catch up for the year. I usually send love to the children (my age!) and wish them a happy new year. Well, of course i moved house last june and then by Christmas i was having an op and being diagnosed with Hodgkins, so i never sent a card and neither did i tell them of my new address.
So, i thought it time i sent a letter and apologised.
Yesterday i had a phone call from a Scottish lady apologising for opening the letter that she thought was meant for her. When she realised her error, she thought she'd better ring me to apologise and tell me the couple, my aunt and uncle, no longer lived there. My uncle died about 4 years ago and aunty had moved down south!
Flipping heck. Nice of them to let me know.
Strangely, the Christmas before i moved, i had a letter from a cousin in Chesterfield saying my uncle Stan had died in the summer. Nice of them to let me know, and 6 months late!
Well, to add to this exhilarating story, i got a letter today from my aunt in Southbourne. When i say it was from my aunt, what i mean is, its from the flat in Southbourne! Yes you've guessed it! The new owners moved in last october after the flat had been empty for over a year!
My worry is this. I am the common denominator!
If i could only have the same effect on the rats!
Oh no. I decided to google my aunty from Southbourne. She died on 17th november 2012, aged 82. How sad. My cousins never informed me. Its sad how families just grow apart.
Its sad i have no real family, other than my boys.
I have a half brother who i haven't seen for years, i see his wife now and again, and I've seen one of their sons a couple of times. There is a half sister too, and she's a weird one! Haven't seen her since mum and dad died. She did a runner to Cyprus with her boyfriend. As she was so nasty to my mum, her stepmother, I'm not too bothered about her doing a runner!
Are you keeping up with all this? Im gonna ask questions later and i'll expect a 100% pass rate!
However, i do have a very large family that have nothing to do with me! Cos i was adopted at birth, i have a family that i met when i was about 30, but my 'mother' had an issue with guilt and couldn't cope with a relationship with me, so she stopped contact with me and her 3 grandsons when i was about 33. I have had contact with a 'cousin' but she feels she must stay loyal to her nutty aunt, my mother'.
Honestly, families. Who'd have them? Im better off with my boys and my adopted sister, Linda.
Do you know what? Im shattered now! All this Private Eye work (I've been googling cousins and stuff) is tiring!
Im gonna tread the stairs.
See you all bright and breezy!
Wednesday 7 May 2014
7.5.14
Well i watched Kerry Katona on This Morning, and apparently she did have a difficult time and so did Dillon/Dylan. Strange name for a girl!!!
I still think she's an attention grabber, but some of that can be put down to mental illness and her upbringing.
Im being very tolerant and understanding this evening!
So my day has been fine. Not feeling 100%, but what do i expect? It could be so much worse tho.
Had a phone appointment with the GP regarding a new sick note. I can't help but feel angry with him. If he'd acted on my 'lump' when i told him about it, i would have finished chemo by now. But he is only human, i suppose!
Signed off for another 3 months, with more after that if i need it, and I'm sure i will. I don't think i'll recover from this sh*t anytime soon.
I changed the bed, walked the dogs, collected my sick note, nipped to Tesco, and did some ironing, only to suddenly feel very tired. I tend to forget to take it easy until its too late.
So an afternoon of sitting, with trips from the washing machine to the tumbler thrown in for good measure.
And a visit from Linzi, which was lovely. Haven't seen her for a while cos i keep cancelling due to ill health. Did i tell you I've been ill?
She came armed with some Thorntons millionaire shortbreads, and with a huge amount of shame, i can report, they're all gone! Oh where is my self control when i need it?
I must say it was nice listening to Linzi's life. Cos she's got one, she was able to tell me about it! I, in exchange, told her about my aching body, sore tongue, and indigestion! I believe it was a similar conversation that we had last time we met!
So now I'm gonna have an ice lolly to soothe my sore tongue, and then off to bed.
The days are passing quickly towards number 8. I thought earlier, when I've had number 11, number 12 won't come quick enough. I just wish it was number 12 next tuesday.
So, its goodnight from me, and its goodnight from my sore tongue.
So my day has been fine. Not feeling 100%, but what do i expect? It could be so much worse tho.
Had a phone appointment with the GP regarding a new sick note. I can't help but feel angry with him. If he'd acted on my 'lump' when i told him about it, i would have finished chemo by now. But he is only human, i suppose!
Signed off for another 3 months, with more after that if i need it, and I'm sure i will. I don't think i'll recover from this sh*t anytime soon.
I changed the bed, walked the dogs, collected my sick note, nipped to Tesco, and did some ironing, only to suddenly feel very tired. I tend to forget to take it easy until its too late.
So an afternoon of sitting, with trips from the washing machine to the tumbler thrown in for good measure.
And a visit from Linzi, which was lovely. Haven't seen her for a while cos i keep cancelling due to ill health. Did i tell you I've been ill?
She came armed with some Thorntons millionaire shortbreads, and with a huge amount of shame, i can report, they're all gone! Oh where is my self control when i need it?
I must say it was nice listening to Linzi's life. Cos she's got one, she was able to tell me about it! I, in exchange, told her about my aching body, sore tongue, and indigestion! I believe it was a similar conversation that we had last time we met!
So now I'm gonna have an ice lolly to soothe my sore tongue, and then off to bed.
The days are passing quickly towards number 8. I thought earlier, when I've had number 11, number 12 won't come quick enough. I just wish it was number 12 next tuesday.
So, its goodnight from me, and its goodnight from my sore tongue.
Tuesday 6 May 2014
6.5.14
Part 2
Normal (ish) service has been resumed.
Im feeling a lot better. I believe it to be short lived as i can feel the old drainpipe feeling returning, but it can't be as bad as yesterday and this morning.
I am no longer Mrs Grumpy of Bournemouth. I have ceased swearing at the TV!
I have made various sarcastic comments on Facebook, of which i would like to apologise to Kerry Katona.
Im sure having 5 babies is a life threatening disorder and for her to survive, despite the odds, is a champion thing!
I would also like to apologise to the Jehovahs Witnesses who dragged me out of my bed when i was feeling so rough to quiz me on my future. When offered a copy of the Watchtower, i should have accepted kindly and given it to my Chris for his log burner. You can never have too much paper and kindling.
Oh my sarcasm will get me into trouble one day!
Anyway, feeling better. I have pineapple, ready prepped, care of Linda.
And I'm ready for the onslaught tomorrow.
Sleep tight peeps.
Part 2
Normal (ish) service has been resumed.
Im feeling a lot better. I believe it to be short lived as i can feel the old drainpipe feeling returning, but it can't be as bad as yesterday and this morning.
I am no longer Mrs Grumpy of Bournemouth. I have ceased swearing at the TV!
I have made various sarcastic comments on Facebook, of which i would like to apologise to Kerry Katona.
Im sure having 5 babies is a life threatening disorder and for her to survive, despite the odds, is a champion thing!
I would also like to apologise to the Jehovahs Witnesses who dragged me out of my bed when i was feeling so rough to quiz me on my future. When offered a copy of the Watchtower, i should have accepted kindly and given it to my Chris for his log burner. You can never have too much paper and kindling.
Oh my sarcasm will get me into trouble one day!
Anyway, feeling better. I have pineapple, ready prepped, care of Linda.
And I'm ready for the onslaught tomorrow.
Sleep tight peeps.
6.5.14
Possibly Part 1!!
Just a quickie to set some minds at rest!
Im feeling marginally better and have been feeling this way since 4.30am!
Note to self - don't doze today!
However, i have woken up very stroppy.
At 7 i went down to make some brekky. I NEEDED some cornflakes with cold cold milk to sooth my sore tongue.
The gas was left on.
Not with a flame tho!!!!
Doors opened, windows opened. Lucky i don't smoke, or BOOM!
The green refuse bin wasn't put out last night, so mad dash to get that out, whilst wearing a stupid hat.
The dogs are manic, having not had a walk yesterday. Any noise and they dive off the bed in an attempt to save the day. So I've shouted at them, more than once this morning.
They're looking at me as if to say, 'Someones on her period!'
And i can hear scratching! Bloody rats!
So im Mrs Grumpy of Bournemouth today.
I have another gripe, whilst I'm in gripe mood.
No body tells me anything anymore!
I don't know if they're trying to 'protect' me, or don't want to worry me. Or if they can't be assed with talking to me anymore cos all I've got to say is sore tongue, bloating, feeling rough, etc.
But what its doing is making me very insular. All i have to think about is my health and i don't think thats healthy!
Anyway. I'm gonna relax in bed for a bit, maybe a doze as its still quite early, and hopefully ill wake up full of the joys of springtime.
Something just put a smile on my face!
Doorbell just went.
Dogs barking, i rushed downstairs to see who was visiting me.
Can you guess???????
Jehovahs Witnesses.
I realised it was them, so i answered in bald mode.
'I dont suppose youre in any mood to talk about your future?'
No. Door slam!
Possibly Part 1!!
Just a quickie to set some minds at rest!
Im feeling marginally better and have been feeling this way since 4.30am!
Note to self - don't doze today!
However, i have woken up very stroppy.
At 7 i went down to make some brekky. I NEEDED some cornflakes with cold cold milk to sooth my sore tongue.
The gas was left on.
Not with a flame tho!!!!
Doors opened, windows opened. Lucky i don't smoke, or BOOM!
The green refuse bin wasn't put out last night, so mad dash to get that out, whilst wearing a stupid hat.
The dogs are manic, having not had a walk yesterday. Any noise and they dive off the bed in an attempt to save the day. So I've shouted at them, more than once this morning.
They're looking at me as if to say, 'Someones on her period!'
And i can hear scratching! Bloody rats!
So im Mrs Grumpy of Bournemouth today.
I have another gripe, whilst I'm in gripe mood.
No body tells me anything anymore!
I don't know if they're trying to 'protect' me, or don't want to worry me. Or if they can't be assed with talking to me anymore cos all I've got to say is sore tongue, bloating, feeling rough, etc.
But what its doing is making me very insular. All i have to think about is my health and i don't think thats healthy!
Anyway. I'm gonna relax in bed for a bit, maybe a doze as its still quite early, and hopefully ill wake up full of the joys of springtime.
Something just put a smile on my face!
Doorbell just went.
Dogs barking, i rushed downstairs to see who was visiting me.
Can you guess???????
Jehovahs Witnesses.
I realised it was them, so i answered in bald mode.
'I dont suppose youre in any mood to talk about your future?'
No. Door slam!
Monday 5 May 2014
5.5.14
Feeling so rough.
Why? I don't understand why stopping the steroids has such a harsh effect. I cut them down so slowly, even having half a tablet on sunday morning. Then, BANG.
Spent the day in bed. Watched about 15 episodes of Come Dine with Me, and Dinner Date.
Now got up, and still feel rough!
Hope to goodness tomorrow is better.
This is no fun at all.
Feeling so rough.
Why? I don't understand why stopping the steroids has such a harsh effect. I cut them down so slowly, even having half a tablet on sunday morning. Then, BANG.
Spent the day in bed. Watched about 15 episodes of Come Dine with Me, and Dinner Date.
Now got up, and still feel rough!
Hope to goodness tomorrow is better.
This is no fun at all.
Sunday 4 May 2014
4.5.14
Hello symptoms. How nice to see you again!
Yes they're back. Sore mouth etc etc etc. I shan't go on about it, again! But its the same as the other 6 chemos.
Such is life, or such is chemo.
Well i was hoping to say id painted the garage today, but that would be silly.
First the ivy needs to be removed, fully. Then the walls need to be stripped of all the tiddly bits of ivy root/suckers. Then the walls need washing down. Fill some holes. Let it all dry and then paint. So we're looking at an estimated paint of June!
I want it done, and i want it done now!
I also want all the bindweed removed from the garden, the bushes and trees pruned, weeds removed. And much much more.
The good news (and i use the term loosely) is the 2 lads from next door. Nice lads. Dom and Ollie.
Ollie has taken to following me round the garden. He's in his, and I'm in mine. But if I'm at the top, so is he, if I'm by the kitchen, so is he!
Bless him, he only wants to chat, and i don't mind at all.
But!!!!!
He told me his dad had said he could help trim the bush on his side of the garden, so he's cut some holes in it so he can see when I'm in the garden!!!
The reason i brought the house was mainly the garden and the privacy!
I have some plant 'training' to do now to fill some holes.
There are a couple of other areas that need 'filling' too. Nothing to do with Ollie.
I know i said i wasn't gonna drone on about my symptoms but i must just say how 'stuffed' i feel today. The bloating and all that. The reason i tell you this is because of what I've just eaten.
Well..... I've just had a wonderful salad. I had to tell you cos i enjoyed it so much, despite feeling like I've eaten a 12 course meal. It was just leaves, toms, cucumber and spring onions with a spoonful of a chicken and bacon pasta salad, and a spoonful of feta and pasta salad, and some pickled beetroot. But oh my goodness it was amazing. I tasted it, despite 'the mouth', and the juiciness of it........
Im on cloud nine!
This chemos got a lot to answer for. Its turned me into a weirdo. Ive spent a lot of the day watching cooking programmes. And if I'm not watching food being cooked, I'm thinking of what i can eat, or I'm eating it!
Can i blame the steroids?
Yes i think i can!
Hello symptoms. How nice to see you again!
Yes they're back. Sore mouth etc etc etc. I shan't go on about it, again! But its the same as the other 6 chemos.
Such is life, or such is chemo.
Well i was hoping to say id painted the garage today, but that would be silly.
First the ivy needs to be removed, fully. Then the walls need to be stripped of all the tiddly bits of ivy root/suckers. Then the walls need washing down. Fill some holes. Let it all dry and then paint. So we're looking at an estimated paint of June!
I want it done, and i want it done now!
I also want all the bindweed removed from the garden, the bushes and trees pruned, weeds removed. And much much more.
The good news (and i use the term loosely) is the 2 lads from next door. Nice lads. Dom and Ollie.
Ollie has taken to following me round the garden. He's in his, and I'm in mine. But if I'm at the top, so is he, if I'm by the kitchen, so is he!
Bless him, he only wants to chat, and i don't mind at all.
But!!!!!
He told me his dad had said he could help trim the bush on his side of the garden, so he's cut some holes in it so he can see when I'm in the garden!!!
The reason i brought the house was mainly the garden and the privacy!
I have some plant 'training' to do now to fill some holes.
There are a couple of other areas that need 'filling' too. Nothing to do with Ollie.
I know i said i wasn't gonna drone on about my symptoms but i must just say how 'stuffed' i feel today. The bloating and all that. The reason i tell you this is because of what I've just eaten.
Well..... I've just had a wonderful salad. I had to tell you cos i enjoyed it so much, despite feeling like I've eaten a 12 course meal. It was just leaves, toms, cucumber and spring onions with a spoonful of a chicken and bacon pasta salad, and a spoonful of feta and pasta salad, and some pickled beetroot. But oh my goodness it was amazing. I tasted it, despite 'the mouth', and the juiciness of it........
Im on cloud nine!
This chemos got a lot to answer for. Its turned me into a weirdo. Ive spent a lot of the day watching cooking programmes. And if I'm not watching food being cooked, I'm thinking of what i can eat, or I'm eating it!
Can i blame the steroids?
Yes i think i can!
Saturday 3 May 2014
3.5.14
Lucky doggies today. Lyn walked them this morning and now, this afternoon, a second walk with me and Karyn, more for my health than theirs i might add!
Then we retired to the summer house for a cuppa and a M&S blackcurrant sundae tart. Lo cal of course!!
Then in the garden for a few chores. I have brought 3 magnolias and need to plant them, as well as a fuschia and aquilegia. A job to be done slowly so as i don't huff and puff the leaves off them!
I love seeing the garden coming together. Sams outside removing ivy off the garage so i can paint it. He's brought the paint and the brush - one brush i noticed!!
We've removed sooooo much ivy in the garden this year. Im hoping by doing this, the rats will sling their hooks. Personally i don't think its making any difference to their entry to my house, but i have to take all advice and hope it works.
As i sit writing this, i can see Sam beavering away outside and the whole lots just fallen almost on his head. I don't think he's realised there could be spiders in it! He'd scream like a girl if he knew.
Looks very empty now! Maybe i will be painting it tomorrow or monday, depending on weather. Must remember not to overdo it. Last time i did, i ended up having an MRI scan on my shoulder.
Food. Ive been fairly good today, and had a bit of exercise too. But I've just made some pittas with salad and some lamb/mint shish kebabs. Sam said they were lovely. I couldn't taste them! I shan't moan tho. They still stopped me feeling hungry.
And i do have a chocolate fudge brownie dessert in the freezer that i intend having sometime this weekend! Lo cal of course!!
Well thats it for today. Im absolutely positive nothing exciting is gonna happen this evening that i should be telling you about.
My previous exciting life would have entailed me going out for dinner this evening. But i am happy to be sat in front of the TV watching Britains Got Talent, until i can get back to normal. I am not unhappy.
So happy saturday to you all. Enjoy.
Lucky doggies today. Lyn walked them this morning and now, this afternoon, a second walk with me and Karyn, more for my health than theirs i might add!
Then we retired to the summer house for a cuppa and a M&S blackcurrant sundae tart. Lo cal of course!!
Then in the garden for a few chores. I have brought 3 magnolias and need to plant them, as well as a fuschia and aquilegia. A job to be done slowly so as i don't huff and puff the leaves off them!
I love seeing the garden coming together. Sams outside removing ivy off the garage so i can paint it. He's brought the paint and the brush - one brush i noticed!!
We've removed sooooo much ivy in the garden this year. Im hoping by doing this, the rats will sling their hooks. Personally i don't think its making any difference to their entry to my house, but i have to take all advice and hope it works.
As i sit writing this, i can see Sam beavering away outside and the whole lots just fallen almost on his head. I don't think he's realised there could be spiders in it! He'd scream like a girl if he knew.
Looks very empty now! Maybe i will be painting it tomorrow or monday, depending on weather. Must remember not to overdo it. Last time i did, i ended up having an MRI scan on my shoulder.
Food. Ive been fairly good today, and had a bit of exercise too. But I've just made some pittas with salad and some lamb/mint shish kebabs. Sam said they were lovely. I couldn't taste them! I shan't moan tho. They still stopped me feeling hungry.
And i do have a chocolate fudge brownie dessert in the freezer that i intend having sometime this weekend! Lo cal of course!!
Well thats it for today. Im absolutely positive nothing exciting is gonna happen this evening that i should be telling you about.
My previous exciting life would have entailed me going out for dinner this evening. But i am happy to be sat in front of the TV watching Britains Got Talent, until i can get back to normal. I am not unhappy.
So happy saturday to you all. Enjoy.
Friday 2 May 2014
2.5.14
I had a funny thought today. I don't have any bad hair days anymore! That tickled me. Although i do look forward to growing some and complaining about it!
Uneventful morning, but went to Haskins Garden Centre with me Linda.
She's been so good to me, my 3 boys wanted to get her some flowers to say thanks. I thought she'd prefer a plant for her lovely garden, so she chose a red bottle brush plant. She was very pleased with it. She deserves much more.
We also had a cup of tea and a scone, jam and cream. Ok ok, so the healthy eating didn't do too well today! The scone was like an asteroid. Big, round and rock hard when entering the earths atmosphere. If id have dropped it on the floor, it could have smashed the tiles. So we got our money back, after eating part of the cream tea.
But the thing that made me tingle today.
I sat there bald as a coot! I didn't care! I threw caution to the wind! Very liberating.
Wearing my hat, my head gets hot. Do i sit there and bake like a scone, or remove the titfer?
I didn't notice any funny stares, but i really don't care any more.
So back in the confines of my prison (i don't really mean that, but i don't get out much), I'm trying to think what to do food wise tomorrow. I have a soup recipe that i haven't done for a while which uses conchigliette pasta. So to remind myself i decide to get the pasta out of the drawer and leave on the work surface.
Rat droppings!!!
The drawer had rat droppings, and possibly mice droppings too. A box of paxo was open and nearly empty. The rice and pasta hadnt been touched, but i thought it better i chucked the lot.
How are the little gits getting into my pasta drawer?
Theres a hole behind the drawer for access to an electric socket.
So, the drawers are all clean and sprayed with antibacterial spray. They are empty.
Yes you little gits, you're gonna go hungry tonight.
I don't know what to do now with the drawers.
Strangely, one of my chores this morning was to contact Wessex Water re my lodgers. The are back on 8th May to re bait and then will get Rentokil involved. I really can't wait!
I really do appreciate the dear couple i bought the house off of last june.
If i knew where they lived i would take a box full of rats round as a housewarming.
Its nice to know there are still nice responsible people in this world!
So I'm ready to lay my head on my pillow and escape the stench and the scratching for 7 hours.
Adios.
I had a funny thought today. I don't have any bad hair days anymore! That tickled me. Although i do look forward to growing some and complaining about it!
Uneventful morning, but went to Haskins Garden Centre with me Linda.
She's been so good to me, my 3 boys wanted to get her some flowers to say thanks. I thought she'd prefer a plant for her lovely garden, so she chose a red bottle brush plant. She was very pleased with it. She deserves much more.
We also had a cup of tea and a scone, jam and cream. Ok ok, so the healthy eating didn't do too well today! The scone was like an asteroid. Big, round and rock hard when entering the earths atmosphere. If id have dropped it on the floor, it could have smashed the tiles. So we got our money back, after eating part of the cream tea.
But the thing that made me tingle today.
I sat there bald as a coot! I didn't care! I threw caution to the wind! Very liberating.
Wearing my hat, my head gets hot. Do i sit there and bake like a scone, or remove the titfer?
I didn't notice any funny stares, but i really don't care any more.
So back in the confines of my prison (i don't really mean that, but i don't get out much), I'm trying to think what to do food wise tomorrow. I have a soup recipe that i haven't done for a while which uses conchigliette pasta. So to remind myself i decide to get the pasta out of the drawer and leave on the work surface.
Rat droppings!!!
The drawer had rat droppings, and possibly mice droppings too. A box of paxo was open and nearly empty. The rice and pasta hadnt been touched, but i thought it better i chucked the lot.
How are the little gits getting into my pasta drawer?
Theres a hole behind the drawer for access to an electric socket.
So, the drawers are all clean and sprayed with antibacterial spray. They are empty.
Yes you little gits, you're gonna go hungry tonight.
I don't know what to do now with the drawers.
Strangely, one of my chores this morning was to contact Wessex Water re my lodgers. The are back on 8th May to re bait and then will get Rentokil involved. I really can't wait!
I really do appreciate the dear couple i bought the house off of last june.
If i knew where they lived i would take a box full of rats round as a housewarming.
Its nice to know there are still nice responsible people in this world!
So I'm ready to lay my head on my pillow and escape the stench and the scratching for 7 hours.
Adios.
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