Monday 31 March 2014

31.3.14

Happy monday.
Today was bloods day. Linda and i went to the Harbour Hospital, where we normally sit and enjoy a free hot chocolate whilst we wait for the nurse. Today we didn't have time. It was all very quick today and we were then out trying to decide where to lunch.
We decided on Mollys Den, one of our favourite haunts. We had a jacket potato, very downmarket for us! Unfortunately it was disgusting so we left it.
Called in at the bakery on our way home, which is odd cos we'd both decided we weren't gonna eat sweet things so we could lose some weight!
Cakes eaten! Home to do my ironing before tomorrow. I don't think i'll be up for it this week!
Whilst i sat there, contemplating Mount Ironing, the door bell went and my friend Lyn called round to say how pleased she was about my positive results. She was so pleased and excited, she cried! Bless her cotton socks. Started me off, which isn't hard these days.
Then the door bell went again and when i got there, there was nobody there! But there was a gift for me on the door step. Obviously from Linzi.


A little make a wish bear, and an angel of protection heart. How lovely of her. I will take the heart with me tomorrow.
Then the door bell went again and it was Sharon who saw this and thought of me.

Then the phone rang and it was Linda. Her client (she's a hairdresser), when hearing I'm in remission, had given Linda £10 to buy some flowers for me! How lovely, again. I don't even know her. There are some lovely people about.  She has another client who regularly buys me little gifts. Some soap, chocolate buttons and some coffee biscuits. It restores my faith in humanity. 
Then Jenni came round. We were sposed to be going out to meet some others at the pub, but we got carried away making videos on my laptop. We laughed so much. But also, i have a cough and cold at the mo, so best not to spread my germs to anyone else. Needless to say, my singing on the videos was a bit dire cos of my cold.
But what fun. Laughter is the best medicine, as long as you don't suffer from stress incontinence!
Now I'm lounging in bed with my hot water bottle, hoping tomorrow goes well and i don't feel too rough for the following week, cos I'm looking forward to doing some more gardening!

Sunday 30 March 2014

30.3.14

I knew there was something i should have done!!! My blog, and technically its the 31st, but i shan't worry about that.
Ive had such a good day.
Of course its mothers day.
I intended spending it with Sam. He was gonna cook roast chicken and make me a chocolate cake.
He started the cake and kept asking me how to do this and that. Then he said he had to nip out to pick up a friend and take him home! Typical!!!
We got the cake in the oven and Sam disappeared to collect his friend, and i went out to do a bit in the garden. My Joe rang me whilst i was out there. He said he would have to post my pressy to me.....or if i opened the gate, he would give it to me!!!! Sam had been to collect him from the train station.
I cried like a girl!
It was so nice to see him. Not seen him since Christmas.
So i had 2 of my 3 boys round for mothers day. We chatted, i showed him the garden, we finished the cake, and then i heard, 'Mumma, let me in!'
Chris arrived too! All 3 of my boys together at the same time, and on my special day.
I cried like a girl!
He and his friend Heidi brought the food round for roast lamb. We had a lovely meal followed by cake. Then we chatted and laughed. I was so happy, still am. Chris brought me a trug of flowering bulbs and candles, Joe bought me candles, Sam made me a wonderful cake and a lovely card.
Took some lovely photos.



Im a very lucky mummy.
Then something else happened to make me feel even happier. I put on FB how happy i was that my sons were all round for Mothers Day. A few people made comments, but then Liz, one of my new friends from the Hodgkins Lymphoma page put, 'All together, and in remission in the sunshine.'
I hadn't thought of it like that. Because i still have chemo, it seems to have not registered.
Im in Remission!!!! And i think it deserves a capital R!
What a happy bunny i am.
They've gone home now, Chris and Joe. And I'm left with my pressies, and a nice memory of a lovely day. One of the best. And of course with Sam who every so often entertains me with his humour.
I think this day should carry me through my next chemo on tuesday. 
Number 5. 
Nearly half way.
But in Remission!!!

Saturday 29 March 2014

29.3.14

Theres nothing worse than being woken up at 7am by a large bang coming from next door, and the dogs barking like its going out of fashion!
I grabbed my dressing gown and attempted to put it on whilst tearing down the stairs to see if there was someone at the door at that ungodly hour. As i got near the bottom of the stairs i could see through the glazed window about 6 men (i presume they were men), dressed in black with hi vis vests. POLICE. I dashed to the front room and peaked through the blinds. Police cars. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, and a police van.
Oh the adrenaline coursed through my veins.
I am.........a nosey neighbour!
I crept back to the glazed window to see if i could hear what was going on. It was too muffled. I was tempted to get a wineglass. Or a stethoscope that i have upstairs, but i didn't want to miss anything. Out to the garden with the dogs saying stuff like, 'Come on girls, wee wee,' in a overly 'this is my normal routine' voice. I peered through the ivy to see quite a few burly policemen stood by the open door. Still couldn't hear what was being said. Back to the front room to see a policeman walking back to the van with a battering ram.
I could have seen a lot better if it weren't for the huge laurel bush that I've been meaning to trim for ages, but i could just make out a policeman guarding next doors drive.
Maybe if i put on my WPC fancy dress costume and saunter past the guard, he may not notice I'm not a real copper. But i think the fact that it probably doesn't fit anymore thanks to the damn steroids, and the fact that i huff and puff like a train at the mo, may be a giveaway.
With no forthcoming information, the adrenaline started to subside and i went back to bed with a cuppa, only to hear a knock on my door and the dogs barking their heads off again.
Woohoo, a policeman on my threshold!
I invited him in and he told me all the gory details! Well maybe not all the details. Just that they had done a successful drugs bust. Its all down to the courts now, but he's been 'done' before. Keep an eye out for any activity and tell neighbours to all report anything suspicious. No point just one person reporting him.
All i can say it wasn't me, I'm far too much of a wimp to grass someone up!!
After Mr Policeman had gone, i watched all the vehicles disappear one by one.
Time for a bath. I lay there soaking and my mind started to wander.
What if he thinks its me? Will he puncture my tyres? Smash my windows? Or even worse, knock on my door and threaten me. To be fair, just being around him is enough to make you pass out, what with the tobacco and weed smells.
How do i know this, i hear you ask.
Further back in my blog, don't ask what date, but fairly recently, i went next door to ask for access to his back garden to rip some ivy down and to warn him of the imminent arrival of Wessex Water who were on a rat watch.
How on earth can i possibly go next door to ask to get in his back garden now? Ill be buried under his unkempt and uninviting patio.
And it wasn't even me who dobbed him in!!!
So an interesting start to the day.
To mention my trip to Haskins to meet Ness and Christine seems rather uninteresting after such excitement.
But i will mention it! Had a lovely time with the girls. Had a cream tea at 11am, but the scone was a little on the dry side and would have needed twice the amount of clotted cream to make it more enjoyable, so i only ate about half.
It was nice to have a catchup.
Then back home for a rest. Yeah, whatever! I couldn't help myself. I did some gardening. I potted my bedding plants, well most of them.
And all of this with a cold! Of all times to get a cold, when chemo is due. I hope they don't cancel it. I wanna get on with it.

Now its time to rest. The evening is mine to relax and watch the TV. What an exciting life i lead, but to be fair, i really wouldn't have the energy to do anything else.
The most noticeable thing about the chemo is the fact that I'm exhausted. I can't explain how much.
Roll on july!!!


Friday 28 March 2014

28.3.14

Part 2

I waited till about 12.10pm and then rang Dr Jack. Of course he picked up straight away when he saw it was me calling him!
He was doing a ward round so thanked me for reminding him to call me with my results (bless him, he likes to play little games with me. Im sure thats all he was thinking about since the last time i spoke to him!), but said he would ring me back in a minute!
2 hours later he rang me.
It was well worth the wait. The news he gave me was fantastic.
Complete metabolic response. Which in layman's terms means I'm cancer free. I have a hotspot in my pelvis, but its not active. About 0.3cm i think he said, but i could be wrong. I will ask more next time i chat with him. And i have a hotspot on my right shoulder tracking down into the muscle which he said was odd. Had i injured myself recently? I couldn't think at the time, but since thought, its probably all the gardening I've been doing!! The right arm is my 'spade' arm! He's arranging an US scan, but I'm sure its just down to gardening.
I still have to have the remainder of my chemo, unfortunately.
But after that, I'm sure Dr Jack will want to make future plans with me. Obviously he'll have to divorce the wife. Im hoping he doesn't want children cos i don't have a uterus any more!! But of course he will be daddy to my 3 sons!
He has already told me he will see me every 3 months after treatment. I was hoping to see him more frequently but he's a busy man!
Please, be honest with me. Do you think I'm imagining all this?
Anyway, onto the rest of my day. Went out with Linda to celebrate my good news. M&S had a premier club function on and I'm a member, so a glass of pink bubbly, a cheese straw and a lemon and white chocolate muffin was offered, whilst a guitarist played and sang some tunes. Aint no sunshine, one of my favourites. Then up to the cafe for a hot choc and shared a sandwich with Linda.
I imagined the time i was told i was cancer free to be different. I thought id be dancing on the table, shaking my skirt around like the cancan girls in the Moulin Rouge.
Instead, i had a hot chocolate and a sandwich and sat, drained, in the cafe. I think the excitement was overwhelming and emotional and its taken it out of me.
Im happy tho.
Looking forward to a future, albeit maybe a future filled with appointments and scares of whether its come back, but hopefully i can get back to normal.
Time will tell.
28.3.14

Part 1

Ive woken all of a dither. Its results day, hopefully.
I have a token sore throat for this special day, so copious fluids are being ingested.
The weather is very dull. Its raining, cloudy, and very cold. Hope its not an omen for my forthcoming results.
I will be making a special effort to not eat any rubbish today. I contacted Ladbrokes to see if i could place a bet on this, but they don't want to be giving away millions! The odds aren't good.
How do you manage to 'behave' when you've been told, 'everyone puts weight on cos of the steroids'? Its a flipping good excuse to eat anything with more than 250 calories in each bite.
Well I'm gonna try, and thats all i can do.
And maybe it will take my mind off 'that phone call' later on today.
In the words of Arnold Schwarzenegger,
'I'll be back'.

Thursday 27 March 2014

27.3.14

Another lovely day.
Did a bit more gardening. It'll soon be ready for my new plants to move in.  I just have a thick triffid-like carpet of a ground cover plant to continue to remove. And much to the joy of the dogs, I'm finding balls everywhere!
Maybe a trip to a garden centre to buy a camellia tomorrow. But what colour? I have difficulty making decisions at the mo. Ill have to go with the one with the most buds on it! Or the healthiest looking one, or the cheapest but biggest! This chemo has a lot to answer for.
The girls had their friend Archie round to play today. He brought his human Karen with him who came armed with a plant for my newly coiffured garden and some chocolate brownies. We sat in the summer house whilst the dogs tore around the garden like loonies. Dottie being the chief loonie. Where does she get her energy?


Then my sister in law, Joan visited. Lovely tulips and daffs, some grapes and chocolate. We chatted for a couple of hours sat in the summer house, enjoying the sun. Ive just finished the chocolate and I'm feeling terribly sick! When will i ever learn?


Linda called round to tell me some interesting stories about her dogs backside, of which she has told me at least 3 times before. Remind me.........is it me with the chemo brain, or Linda? Chemo brain is a phenomena of chemotherapy. Is there such a thing as chemo buddy brain?
I wondered if id hear from Dr Jack regarding my scan results today, but no. It'll be tomorrow now. If he hasn't rung me, I'm to ring him in the afternoon. He has the multi disciplinary team meeting in the morning, of which i am one of the subjects. This is where the professionals make decisions based on treatment, investigations, case notes, etc. I presume Dr Jack will have my results and make decisions on my future treatment. Then he will call me and whisper sweet nothings down the phone to me!
Of course i am daydreaming again, but I'm hoping he will ring with good news and not bad.
But for now, i think it is bedtime. I have fought off the strong urge to close my eyes this evening. I seem to do it every evening and then wake at 4 -5am. But not tonight.
So i shall bid you a goodnight, and hope tomorrow brings me some good news. I will be keeping everything crossed!

Wednesday 26 March 2014

26.3.14

Breakfast was served at 6.15. A HUGE bowl of muesli to try and keep me going until after my scan. I do worry that i will waste away!
I did a little gardening, walked the dogs, and then bathed ready for my appointment at Bournemouth hospital.
Linda and I found the scanner. It always seems strange to me that the scanners are in portacabin type buildings. I suppose thats to keep the radioactive bit separate from all the other patients?
Strangely it was exactly the same staff that was at the last PET scan at Poole hospital. A nice thought as i remembered it went well the first time. No problem inserting the cannula and testing my blood sugar etc. Things like that mean a lot to me. It makes me feel safe and secure.
So i was asked loads of questions, and i signed loads of forms.
Then i was taken into an old fashioned, tired-looking 'office' (although not as tired as the one in Poole), where a nice young girl trained in nuclear physics (she must have only been about 14!), found a vein, and attempted to cannulate me. Instead of the huge bulging vein, she decided to use the one that you can't see!! Surprisingly, it didn't work, so a second attempt was made into the huge bulging vein. Eureka! Blood sugar was fine so i was taken into the second stage room.
A large padlocked box was sat waiting for me with a radioactive sign on it. Its all a bit surreal really.


Here i was given a very quick, considering it was intravenous, injection of radioactive glucose and saline, and i was left to sit quietly for an hour with instructions to not talk or do anything other than read a book, whilst the glucose did a race for life round my body. The cannula was removed and I'm left with 2 nice bruises. But thats the worse bit over and done with.
I don't normally like to sit and do nothing so i was armed with my iPad. At least i could do a bit of surfing, without leaving my seat. My seat was tilted at an angle. I felt i would slide out of it even if i didn't fidget. The foot rest was pulled out physically by the staff so that i could continue to sit and not end up on the floor.
So, no WiFi. What a disappointment. Poole hospital had WiFi! Not that I'm making comparisons!
I read an iBook, played a few games of Gin Rummy, and then my hour was up.
I was pointed in the direction of the special loo, for special radioactive patients. I have to flush twice to ensure any radioactivity is definitely flushed away.
And then i was placed on the table, arms over my head, pillow under my knees and i was off!
Like a roller coaster on a go-slow, i was shunted in and out whilst the scanner clicked and whirred.
Why is it when you have to keep still and not move a muscle, you get an itch on your nose?
15 minutes and i was cooked.
I very stiffly managed to get up, scratch my nose, and then i was deposited in the waiting room where it all started. I was given a cd of my scan again, but I'm unable to open it, again!
Then home to Lindas for the promised cream tea. It was scrummy. Ham sandwiches, scone, jam and clotted cream, and a cup of tea for 3 of us. Kerrie, Lindas girlie joined us. We had a joyous time eating and laughing about all sorts, usually rude stuff.
Stuffed, so ready for home to try and work some of it off in the garden again. A little more digging and weeding ready to plant some more bushes. And then Jenni was round again. As if i hadn't been through enough already today!!!!
She was a sweetheart. She's always very rude to me, but this time, whilst she was being rude, she gave me a foot massage! How nice was that?
And the most important thing......... i didn't get wedged in the scanner. If i carry on eating for England.............. maybe next time!



Tuesday 25 March 2014

25.3.14

I don't know how I feel this evening.
I have my PET scan tomorrow. NBM (nil by mouth) from 6.30am other than water.
Radioactive glucose injected via a cannula. Yet another cannula! Relax for an hour whilst keeping quiet, no chatting (OMG how will i cope), whilst the radioactive tracer rushes round looking for active tissue for the isotope to have a rest in. When the short acting glucose starts to decay within its tissue of choice, it produces a reaction which is captured in the scanner showing as a burst of light. Of course it is much more detailed than that, but i don't want to bore you with talk of electrons, kinetic energy, positrons and photons!!!
But to bring it down to my level, it gives really pretty pictures of my innards lit up like a christmas tree!
Im hoping the pretty lights, or to personalise it, 'aurora borealis firminalis', stay in the areas of my brain, heart, etc and not lymph nodes and spleen. But my brain is running riot at the moment.
What if theres no response to the chemo? It doesn't bare thinking about.
On the bright side i will be talking to Dr Jack very soon. He said if i haven't heard from him by friday afternoon to give him a call. Cheeky little minx! He's still playing hard to get!
Then he will give me the news!
My other worry.
I have put on weight, which is normal when taking steroids, as I've mentioned before. But what if i get wedged in the scanner?
I have a scenario in my head of me stuck, mid scan. Like a pork sausage wearing a polo mint. The scan staff stood around frowning. Shaking their heads. Pulling me by my over head arms with their foot pressing against the scanner. Oh the shame!
Fred Dineage on Meridian reporting on the fat girl in the scanner being starved in the hope she sheds the weight and can be removed in one piece.
I wonder if its ever happened?
A plus side, after the scan i will be partaking in a cream tea at Lindas gaff!
So much for shedding the weight!
Then home again, jiggety jig, to await my friday afternoon fate.
Sorry to leave you on a cliff hanger. You will have to wait for my next blog to see if i did, in fact, get stuck!

Monday 24 March 2014

24.3.14

Lung function tests done. Glad thats over till the next time.
The whole experience is a mixture of good and bad. Arrival at reception being the first bit of good. Considering its a respiratory/cardiac department, it tickles me to see you have to walk up a long ramp to get to reception. By the time you get to the happy little receptionist (sarcasm!), you're huffing and puffing like a good 'un! It was a well designed department!!
As i was being booked in by the receptionist, i made a joke of the said ramp! Oh the filthy look! Someones had a sense of humour bypass. I was tempted to say, 'thanks Smiler', when she handed me my letter back! But i may have been thrown out of the hospital for insubordination!
And i know Linda wants me to mention this bit, cos it tickled her.  The waiting room was packed, and there was a little old man and his flies were open! I thought he maybe was doing 'cock in a sock' for cancer research!! Why does that always make me and me Linda giggle a bit? Do you think we'll ever grow up?
Anyway, the tests! Its not that bad, but makes me a little anxious cos it makes me feel a little claustrophobic, a bit panicky. You have a tube in your mouth and a clip on your nose to make you breath through your mouth. But its done now. The results - my lungs aren't as good as they were when i started the chemo! No sh*t Sherlock! Any activity leaves me short of breath and I've put weight on cos of the steroids, and that doesn't help either.


Im smiling in the photo, cos its all finished, till I'm invited back to party again.
But on the positive side, Linda cooked me a cheese and onion omelette which was scrummy. And my garden plants were delivered and most of them have been planted already. And its choir tonight so my Jenni will be round soon. She always makes me smile. But then have you seen her face?



Sunday 23 March 2014

23.3.14

An uneventful day.
Walked the dogs.
Visited sainsburys for a few provisions.
Watched TV.
I have a sore tongue - although not sore enough to stop me eating, you'll be glad to hear! Or talking, although not seen anyone to talk to today other than a cashier at sainsburys and Sam in halftime!
But worry you not!
Tomorrow, apart from some plants being delivered for my garden, i have some lung function tests arranged for the afternoon! Really looking forward to that!
So i'll be back with the gruesome details tomorrow!
TTFN !!!

Saturday 22 March 2014

22.3.14

I will apologise for my 'no show' yesterday. I was feeling ok, but extremely tired.
I woke at 5am, and was unable to doze back off.
I did however manage to do a little shopping with Linda, and some lunch out.
For quite a while, years in fact, i have been aware of the fact that deodorant sprayed onto the skin is not good for us. One, the spray can be inhaled, and two, the chemicals apparently are found in biopsied breast lumps. Whether it caused the lump or just found its way to the lump, I'm not sure. So for many years i used an aluminium crystal deodorant in the hope that it was better for me. It didn't really do me that much good in hindsight, as i am blogging about my cancer experience!!!
But anyway, my crystal smashed a long time ago and i never got round to getting another, so yesterday was the day.
I went to Boots to look for one.
I think I've mentioned I have a strong dislikes of smells at the mo. Obviously to do with the chemo. Not to do with HRT, as i was advised by a concerned friend! Specially cos I'm not on HRT!!!
Anyway, I walk into Boots, and the smells! Every perfume that ever was, enveloped my nostrils. I can't bare it. It makes me light headed and nauseous. So after finding the said deodorant, i made a hasty retreat.
M&S for lunch where i broke the cardinal rule!!! I had salad, with a jacket potato and tuna mayo. If I have to put up with pegfilgastrim jab each chemo day which stimulates the bone marrow to produce white cells, then i think i must have enough white cells to fight off any bacteria that may be on the uncooked vegetables. And I'm still alive to tell the tale. Oh i did enjoy it.
Then home for a doze before visiting Mary, my old nursey friend, for dinner and to watch The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel in her own little home cinema. Had a lovely evening full of reminiscing, laughter and eating Marys home made strawberry granita, strawberry ice-cream and vanilla ice-cream, and champagne truffles under the ambient flickering lights of the film. Luckily it was fairly dark cos i managed to eat more truffles than Mary!
Then home to bedfordshire, but i still managed to wake at 5am this morning!
And another day of Ladies who Lunch. Off to the Captains Club with Louise as an early Mothers Day treat.

And the most beautiful flowers and card that she'd written inside, 'If i had the chance to have chosen  a mum, id have chosen one like you!' It made me cry, just a little bit of course!!!
We shared a baked camembert (another no no!!), i had ricotta, pine nuts and courgette lasagne, which was a little odd, i must say. It wasn't baked. It was a little bland, but ok, followed by chocolate fondant with honeycomb ice-cream. Not as nice as the apple tarte tatin that i had last time, but still very nice.
Then home for a little bit of gardening, despite the fact that the pegfilgastrim makes my back ache, and thats me for the day.
Looking forward to The Voice on TV this evening, but i have a dilemma.
Do i have the maltesers, or the sweet popcorn whilst i watch it?
Decisions, decisions, decisions!!!




Thursday 20 March 2014

20.3.14

Feeling good today.
Had a brekky of shreddies, again. Then went to meet my boss for a coffee. She talked me into a second brekky of a bacon bap. OMG it was wonderful, just slightly toasted bap, with 3 pieces of nicely cooked bacon. Then dashed to meet my friend for her birthday lunch! Jacket potato with cheese and beans. Strangely, i couldn't eat it all!
I bought some plants to go in my garden, now Sams dug most of it up! They are delivered on monday so Sam has a few days to build up the energy he'll need to plant them all. Thats gonna be fun to watch! Or supervise!
Then more food when i had another visitor. That'll be my Jenni.
She's just opened a Just Giving page. Cos she loves me, she's gonna cut her hair short and give her ponytail to a company who makes wigs for chemo patients. Then she's gonna give blood, and then Race for Life in june. This is her Just Giving page in case anyone would like to donate, or even just to read and enjoy the journey.

http://www.justgiving.com/Jenni-Chohra/?utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=fundraisingpage&utm_content=Jenni-Chohra&utm_campaign=pfp-share


This is a photo of us at Christmas just before i was diagnosed. Im looking forward to seeing her photos of her 'haircut'!
She's a lovely girl. So caring, but far too cheeky for my liking!!
Anyway, id better go eat something before i fade away.



Wednesday 19 March 2014

19.3.14

Im feeling so ill!!!!
Ive just devoured some peanut buttercup Ben and Jerrys ice-cream. I don't think thats the correct name, but I'm so full up that i can't be bothered to go and check the name on the carton!
I could really taste it. It was so peanutty and smooth and sweet and sooooooo lovely.
Yes the switch has been flicked. Im alive again, and for 2 whole weeks until number 5.
And what a day.
I, and a few of my new family on the hodgkins lymphoma Facebook page, are having issues with the new breast cancer awareness nomination and donation idea. The idea is, you nominate people to take a selfie wearing no makeup. When they take their photo and put it on Facebook, you then have to donate to breast cancer research. A good idea in theory, but it seems the full story isn't being passed on and people are just putting photos of themselves, make up free, with no donation.
Not only is this pointless, but its also very disheartening to people presently undergoing chemo.
Its quite depressing to see ladies with clean faces, smiling carefree, with good skin, hair, eyebrows and eyelashes, when we are suffering with loss of facial hair, thin scraggy head hair, or bald in some instances, dull lifeless skin, looking like death and unable to find the energy to smile.
I know, maybe we're being sensitive, but chemo makes you sensitive.
Well having shared various posts about the rules, and making my feelings clear, it seems to have had a real turnaround. People are donating left, right and centre. People are telling me their plans of fundraising. Things they have done in the past and continue to do to raise money. Just giving pages being started all over the shop.
So all in all.......... an absolute success.
Its so nice to see so many people doing so much to help out with the fight for cancer, the scourge of our lifetime.
Did a bit of gardening. When i say this, you are aware i mean Sam did some gardening, aren't you? I am the supervisor. And if i do say so myself, i did a jolly good job. Sam did well too. Dug up a bed, ripping out some very old plants, whose roots where nearly all the way down to Aus! All ready for me to purchase a couple of plants and create a fragrant, and serene garden. I ❤️ my garden!
Ive had Linda round for lunch - can you guess what we had? Yes, the muffin, goats cheese and red onion relish. Its an absolute winner. Chillout in the summerhouse whilst the sun shone.
A food shopping trip - hence the ice-cream. And then Linzi and Rachel visiting at 4pm. Except someone forgot to tell them it was ok for them to visit!! Wonder who that could be?
And they brought me some gifts.


Lemon cakeys, Maltesers, Chocolate bunnies and some daffs. Easter and spring merged into one. How sweet is that? Couple of hours of chatting and then I'm left to my own devices. 
Dinner followed by a volcanic eruption of ice-cream, and I'm really feeling stuffed. I shall blame the steroids of course!


Tuesday 18 March 2014

18.3.14

Tuesday. The beginning of week 2. Feeling any better?
Im sure im better than i was, but its not a huge recovery this time. It started so well. The steroids made me feel better for the first few days, but its been slow ever since.
I know its something i have to go through, but really, you'd think someone could put in a good word for me!
Its weird, cos sometimes i don't realise I'm feeling better. All of a sudden it dawns on me. The feeling that i have a drainpipe rammed down my throat has gone. The ache in my tummy that makes me rub circles to try and alleviate it stops. The tingling, tender mouth starts to settle. The mild, but relentless nausea and headache leaves without saying goodbye. The tears that just spring to my eyes for no real reason dry up.
Then you think..........party time!!!
Party time means my taste buds awaken, very slightly. I can concentrate a little more on things (debatable), and usually on food. I feel the need to catch up on the taste I've missed for the previous week. I can pull my leggings up over my tummy without pulling the face of an angry wasp cos i don't like the pressure.  And joy of joys, i can have a cup of tea. Still black and weak, but it beats boiled water. Im hoping i can cut down on the gaviscon too. Its like swallowing toothpaste, but not that easy. It doesn't want to go over the swallow limit. I can stand there for 5 minutes trying to will myself to just 'swallow the damn stuff'.
Well I'm sat here in the living room. The sun is shining intermittently through the window onto me. It feels so nice.
I am starting to feel hungry. I feel the need to have some carbohydrate, by way of muffins with cheese and onion, or scrambled egg and bacon. I may have to nip to the shop as i have no bread in any form in the house.
I think i have turned a corner!
Only 8 more corners to turn!


Sunday 16 March 2014

16.3.14

You tend to think you understand your chemo. You have a few sessions and think you got it sorted. You know whats gonna happen. Then bang...... and it all changes and mucks you up again.
I was sorted.
Take the anti sickness and steroids and you recover quicker. But now.........
I have taken on a few different side effects. Ive mentioned the irritation to the digestive tract, and the throbbing mouth. Now i have a few mouth ulcers, sore throat, and a tingling in my mouth. I also have minor stabbing pains all over my body. And last but not least, and I'm not sure how to describe this phenomena, 'tender' areas all over. If you were to poke me almost anywhere, in fact it doesn't have to be a poke, a touch even, its very tender, my neck in particular. In fact the whole of the top part of my body.  Oh joy!!!!
Its bearable, but id rather not have these newbies.
And whats worse is, I'm hungry, but don't wanna eat anything cos my mouth feels weird! Im sure i won't fade away tho. Ive put weight on, be it fat or water retention!
The motto of a chemo sufferer.......
Maybe tomorrow?

Saturday 15 March 2014

15.3.14

Come back steroids, all is forgiven!
Woken up with a throbbing mouth and ache from my throat to the bottom of my stomach. Thats what happens when you think you're feeling better and stop the steroids too soon. I'll remember this next time and take it for another day.
Lansoprazole, gaviscon and ibuprofen. Don't shake me cos i rattle!
Feeling better, so up and at 'em.
A little gardening with Sam. He's been wonderful. He's loaded boxes and bags with ivy and branches that he's pruned. He's been back and forth to the tip about 5 times, while i potter about the garden with the odd twig in my hand that i chuck in a box and pretend I'm helping.
And if thats not enough, I've taken all of the 'junk' off the welsh dresser to move it into another room to unclutter the living room. I think someone should remind me i should be relaxing. Relaxing is so last year though.
Isn't it amazing what a little sun can do. A few rays and everyones happy. Everyones busy.
Nearly finished. Dresser's moved, just need to reorganise the living room. I just wish i could do it all myself and not have to wait for others to help. Roll on july when i can get back to normality, hopefully.
Just waiting for a chicken and veg to cook, the first proper meal I've cooked for a while. And hoping the throbbing mouth subsides for a while.
All done.......and relax.

Friday 14 March 2014

14.3.14

Part 2
Home, doggies walked, in bed for a doze - its not happening!
I did however have a phone call from Dr Jack whilst i walked the dogs. Its getting a bit embarrassing now, all the calls etc. Oh no, hang on a minute, i rang him! Only to check if i could cut out the steroids - all the eating and waking during the night was getting annoying. I live in a dream world, don't i?
So, bath, and then a trip to sainsburys for a few provisions. Unfortunately, the steroids took hold of my credit card and the food trolley! I did buy a chicken and some veg to try and eat healthily, i got myself a curry, my spicy food of choice whilst my taste buds faff about, cheese, tinned tomatoes, and, wait for it........
raspberry trifle, Gu almond and cherry dessert, and some dairy free raspberry and mango ice cream!
Enough to last me for a whole week!!!
And it absolutely wore me out. I was only gone for about 3/4 hour and i was absolutely shattered. Amazing!
I enjoyed my muffin with goats cheese and red onion relish again, 3rd day in a row. If nothing else, I'm repetitive.
And then Sam decided to do some pruning in the garden, and i was the superviser. A few hours later and theres no garden left, and a few trips to the tip to look forward to tomorrow.
Its nice to do normal things. Im not really capable of doing much without getting short of breath, and i have to be careful not to scratch myself in the garden, or graze myself in case it gets infected, but its nice to see things being done that id like to do. I look forward to my chemo ending in july, all being well. Then i hope to recover from all my side effects and be able to do things again without puffing like a train.
Its amazing how you start to be in tune with your symptoms, and you fall into step with them. You go into auto pilot and treat them all as they occur, and sometimes before they've even started. You almost beat them to it. They're treated before they've even raised their ugly heads.
My latest is the irritated stomach lining, from mouth to stomach. My mouth throbs and my stomach aches. Nothing hideous, but annoying and irritating. Gaviscon mint! Does the trick as well as the Lansoprazole - a proton-pump inhibitor which inhibits the stomach's production of gastric acids! Im like a walking pharmacy at the moment.
Well my eyes are getting heavy, its gone 9.30pm, way past my bedtime (steroid induced of course). So i shall bid you a good night, and hope to goodness i have a better nights sleep.
Nighty night.

Thursday 13 March 2014

14.3.14

Part 1

Oh steroids, how fickle you are.  Or am i the fickle one?
One minute i am desperately in need of you to stop the nausea and to pick me up and put me on my feet again, and then you change into the devil and make me loathe you. Its 4.20am and I've been awake for a while. My mind is whirring. Im hungry - but resisting! And i feel i have put weight on and have a moon face! Yes, all the things a girl hates.
And the hair........ but thats not your fault Mr Steroid. Just another annoyance.
The only good thing is that i have the whole weekend to recover with no work or plans, other than to walk the dogs and get some exercise, and a few little chores round the house if I'm up to it.
Oh and of course i may phone Dr Jack for some steroid advice, later on of course. Its a bit early to ring him now!
Anyway, it was just a quickie. I will do Part 2 later on in the day when i have something more to say. Right now i have a date with some games on Facebook!
See ya later alligator.
13.3.14

What a fantastic day!
Got home from work and walked the doggies. Home for a healthy cooked breakfast.
Doctors telephone appointment to sort some meds. Organised a professional oven cleaner to come and sort out the filthy oven that came with the house when i bought it. Excellent range oven, which they said they'd have professionally cleaned - i don't think so, but then that is in keeping with the rest of the promises and lies!
Anyway no negativity - until later in my blog!
I did some very mild gardening for about half an hour. Meaning, i put some stones down by a little bridge and rockery by the summer house. Then i put some shells on top that Linda had picked for me from the beach since the storm throw them up on the shore. It looks lovely, and i feel i have achieved something. Its amazing how tired something so small makes me so tired.
I went to bed for an hour or so for a nap, followed by a lovely soak in the bath.
Sam went off to the doctors to collect my prescription and to take it to the chemist. I advised him i don't pay for prescriptions, theres a box on the back to tick.
'Just ask the girls in the chemist and they will tell you which one if you say I'm having chemo.'
He returned without the prescription. They told him, 'if you don't know which box we can't let you have the drugs without paying!'
So i walked round there in the sunshine.
They assured me they had acted correctly. They didn't know which box needed to be ticked. I told them he was supposed to say i was having chemo.
'No he never told us that.'
Not for one minute did i believe that, but i checked with Sam, and he did tell them.
So they muttered an apology and i came home with some antacid and cream!
Never mind, worse things happen at sea.
Then Linda arrived for lunch.
We had muffins with goats cheese and red onion relish, as it went down so well yesterday. Not quite as tasty as my taste buds take on the battering from the chemo. But still lovely. Then a piece of chocolate cake and a cup of tea in the summer house.
Then Linda trimmed my drastically falling hair, although i still have beautiful eyebrows!
The post arrived at 3pm with a voucher from Marks and Spencers as I'm a member of the premier club. I couldn't believe it expired today and i only received it at 3pm so i phoned up to complain. The lady was very polite, as always, but felt she couldn't help. She couldn't believe i had only received it today at 3pm! I felt my hackles rise.
'Please read what it says on the voucher, ma'am'
So, very clearly,  to the point of sarcasm, i read what it said, '£10 towards home, clothing or lingerie, expiring on 13th april 2014. Today,'  i sarcastically pointed out.'
Then the penny dropped. Then i realised, its the 13th March today. Time to grovel!
I apologised profusely. 'Sorry, its my error. Don't be confused any more,' i beseeched her. 'All i can say is that I'm having chemo and its made me stupid!'
Luckily she was very sweet and understanding. But i did feel a pillock!
It gave Linda and i a giggle.
I must say its really nice to have an excuse for being stupid at times. Chemo brain.
But all in all, even despite the bits of negativity, its been a good day.
Looking forward to another one tomorrow.



Wednesday 12 March 2014

12.3.14

GOOD MORNING ONE AND ALL
I am happy to announce i feel wonderful. Well thats exaggerating just a bit, but considering how i felt this time 2 and 4 weeks ago, I'm buzzing, and i don't mean cos of the steroids either.
The treatment was straight forward. Had a fair bit of waiting around cos the drugs are never ready waiting even tho they've known for 2 weeks i will be there. But yesterday the nurses were run off their feet, more than usual. The nurses, i must say, have all been wonderful. Friendly, caring, helpful, and very kind and understanding. All except the nurse on the hotline that i came across after my 2nd treatment. But she doesn't work on the chemo ward (Dorset Cancer Centre, catchy name!), which is just as well cos i don't think the patients would turn up if she was their nurse.
Chatted with Dr Jack. I think he's falling for me!!! He pops in to see me regularly and yesterday, during a conversation about losing hair etc, he said, and get this for a chat up line, 'you still have your beautiful eyebrows!' And for a special treat for the new woman in his life (me, in case you've lost track), he wrote me up for a new anti-sickness tablet and some steroids, AND he said any problems, call  me! Needless to say, last night i didn't call him, I'm playing hard to get.
So, uneventful treatment. I dozed for hour and a half, which was good. Had a sandwich for lunch. The first mouthful tasted of nothing - due to the treatment, not hospital food. The nurse recommended putting crisps in it, Me Linda was packed off to the the shop and came back armed with ready salted crisps and a twirl. The Cadbury variety, i don't mean she danced into the room.
The sandwich was a success, and so was the twirl. Now however the taste buds have gone again.
Everything tastes of cardboard for a couple of weeks. Which you would think would curb my appetite, but with the steroids, no way. Sam is on kitchen duties this week. If he sees me come in, he is under strict instructions to lock all the cupboards, block the fridge and even hide the dog food!
Usually, or last time anyway, i start to go down towards the end of the treatment. I go very quiet, very pale and tired looking, and i just wanna go home.
This time it was different. We laughed and giggled all the way home. Linda and i had a drink in the summerhouse before she got home to her husband.
The evening was spent watching tv, laptopping (if thats a word), messaging friends who kindly asked how i was, and i cooked a sumptuous meal of Heinz spagetti and a toasted muffin, which hit the spot. I apologise in advance for the menu for this week. It will be full of crap more than likely. Foods that i can doctor to be spicy, that i fancy. A bit like pregnancy again. Heinz beans with brown sauce and grated cheese is a favourite of week one. Thats why on week 2 theres usually photos of the posh nosh from restaurants i visit. Week 2 my taste buds seem to come back to life, and i take advantage.
Well following this dose, i have a week 3 as well. I hear you gasp in amazement. I have a PET scan in week 2, so the the chemo is the following week. I have a gap week! Im so excited. Ill have taste buds, feel more normal, and i can get to visit some friends that i haven't seen for a while. I might be able to instruct Sam to do some gardening too, if the weather stays good.
So on that euphoric note, I'm off. I got an appointment with daytime tv, i may even be able to tolerate Jeremy Kyle today!

Monday 10 March 2014

11.3.14

Good morning.
Number 4 is here!
Not looking forward to it, but hoping IV dexamethasone will be my saviour. I had it the first time, and i didn't feel too bad, so hoping it will save me from a few bad days if i have it again.
Not much to say except i had a wonderful time at Rockchoir last night, but i always have this negative feeling there cos i know the next day is poison day.
If i do get the IV dex, it will not only make me hungry, it will make me a bit wired, so i will probably be blogging at 3am.
See you then.

Sunday 9 March 2014

9.3.14

Happy sunday and happy birthday to Kerrie (me Lindas girlie).
We went to Studland for a walk as it was such beautiful day. And everyone else had the same idea. Literally, everyone and their dog!
We walked for a while, and then back to the cafe for a cup of tea and a cakey. It was so nice. The sun makes everyone feel so happy. And it makes some people say silly things! Talking about Indian takeaways.
'Heart of India, i thought that was a chinese restaurant!!!' Now I'm not gonna name and shame, but it wasn't me!!

 
Well, i felt so happy when i got back, so what better than to sing a song! A positive, uplifting song. Lily Allen sang it so well, so i apologise to Lily for not doing it justice. But I quite enjoyed changing the words to suit my 'condition'. It put a smile on my face anyway.



 

Now, feeling a little tired after all the sea air, and all the singing. So a little sit down before i start dinner. Im hoping the weathers here to stay for a while, certainly tomorrow. A day of blood tests and then lunch with me Linda........again!!!

Friday 7 March 2014

7.3.14

'Is that a wig?'
Charming!
I visited an old friend today, Julie. Well she's not old but I've known her a long time. She's definitely not old, cos she's the same age as me! Ive known her for about 30 years.
She's been through breast cancer so she knows what I'm going through, so i was invited to see her lovely new home near Dorchester. And her lovely dog, Ted.
So, other than a smile and a hug, she asked, 'Is that a wig? It looks very natural!' Bless her, it was my own hair, gradually thinned, and left to do its own thing. If it were a wig, id be asking for my money back.
We had a lovely day. Her new house, or cottage, is right on the river. We watched the water flowing and the birds darting about. Its just my type of house. Nicely decorated, beautifully finished.
We had quiche for lunch, she assured me she made it herself. Lemon cake for afters, again she tried to convince me, but the box was a give away. We laughed, something i do a lot of, as well as eating of course.
She certainly made me feel better following my recent negativity. She told me at this stage she seemed to 'get used' to the chemo and coped better with it. Thats not to say i will have the same experience, but it gives you hope rather than being told its all downhill, it builds up!
And then it was time for home.
Julie could tell I've been wasting away so i was packed off with a box of choccies.


I now have a lovely weekend to look forward to before bloods on monday, and lunch out with me Linda. And then number 4 - quarter of the way through. Followed by a scan where i will find out how the treatment is working......or not!
Another exciting instalment tomorrow!

Thursday 6 March 2014

6.3.14

I used to really enjoy my thursday night duty, cos when i woke in the morning, it was the start of the weekend for me. A time where i relaxed and saw my boyfriend, did some chores, maybe visited Chris, or other friends. Now its either a weekend of feeling not too good, or a weekend knowing I'm having my next chemo in a few days.
Its amazing how a few weeks have changed everything.
What i need to do now is to find the positivity that i had to start with. I was keen for number one, and number 2, but since 2 and 3 have caused me to be ill, i now have a feeling of impending doom.
But...... i don't need to do it if i don't want to, i can say, no more.
Thats not really an option tho, is it?
So i have to make the most of it.
I need to remind myself that i may feel grotty for a few days, and tired for a few more and then more of a recovery for a week, but its to return myself to health. To rid myself of the cancer.
I need to remind myself that some people are suffering far more than i am. And younger people too. They should be out with their friends, enjoying their youth, like i did.
And i need to remind myself that if i had lymphoma years ago, before CT scans and PET scans, my treatment would have been far worse. A laparotomy to remove my spleen, and a huge wedge biopsy of my liver. Then i would need to recover from the surgery before having chemo.
So...... im gonna try. If all the millions of other people can go through it, so can i.
And for number 4, i think ill be having more steroids to help me through it. Which the downside means i won't be able to sleep as well as i normally do, but i will be back to eating whatever looks like it has a lot of calories in it! Theres always a silver lining!
And in a few months, all being well, and fingers crossed, the chemo will be over, and i can start to get back to my normal self, whatever that was!
So i apologise if i repeat myself in the coming few blogs, but i need to remind myself of my newly found positivity.

Wednesday 5 March 2014

5.3.14

2 in one day!
Im feeling my switch has been flicked! Theres a time after week one when i suddenly feel a lot better. Remember the 'Happy' video? That was a switch flicking moment. I do have another song to sing, but i may do it a bit later on my journey. I feel i should give warning. Most people seemed to enjoy it, or were kind enough to lie! There was one however who couldn't stand more than 15 seconds of it. If you have nothing nice to say, shut the F up! Thats what my mother always told me!
Anyway.
Ive been round to see Mary - nice thatched cottage, 2 cars, and room for a pony!
She did me a lovely brekky. Oh what a lovely time.
Mary is such a lovely person. So bright, so funny, she so models herself on me!
We talked for 3 and 1/2 hours, we did a bit of the mutual admiration stuff, we reminisced about all the fun we've had over the last 35 years that we've been friends, talked about our awesome children, we made plans of things we could do AC (after chemo), planned things to do DC (during chemo), it was lovely.
DC - I'm going round one evening to watch The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel. Its our sense of humour. And dinner of course.
AC - we're gonna visit our children (both living in London) for a weekend of fun and frolics.
I did mention yesterday about Mary. I did say there were stories to be told. Heres one!
Mary had a motorbike. Only a small engine, but motorbike all the same. We were about 20 years old. We decided to go somewhere on the bike (she had her license!). She got on the bike and waited for me to climb aboard. I was faffing with my helmet (i was always worried about messing up my hair, even then). Impatient about waiting for me, she revved the engine and rolled forward slightly, hoping to scare me into being ready for off. Instead, i screamed and my arms went round her, clutching onto the most prominent point (or points) and squeezing hard. Yes. Bosoms!!! You probably had to be there!
She never did that again!
Years of memories. Tears of laughter. I love my friends.

5.3.14

The thing about chemo is the 'chemo brain'!
Im sure somewhere on my blog i have mentioned rats? I had them when i moved in to my house last year and 'Marisa the rat' put poison down. Now they're back so I've had Russell Rat round.
Logically i thought it out!! Theres no point putting poison down to kill the rat under my floor boards (after moving a large pine dresser and all thats on it, and in it! Carpets, floor boards, etc), just to find, as Marisa has suggested, my sewer pipe is broken and the little 'sh*t' is getting in that way! Cos then his brother and sister, mother and father will also call in, maybe even a little rat funeral, who knows what their culture is?
It would be far better to shove a camera down my pipes, nothing anatomical or physiological meant here, no euphemism! Check out any damage, correct it, and voila, no more rats. Thats the idea.
I ring dynarod and they're semi helpful. Yes they will do the cctv, i have to find the manhole cover and see if my insurance covers the said 'pipeoscopy'.
Man hole cover found. Useful.
Insurance company contacted. Not so useful!
'Just enquiring if my insurance policy covers the fact that i have rats and they may be coming in through a broken sewerage pipe?'
'If its rats, probably not!'
'Why? Its not the rats that broke the pipe???'
'Oh, we might do then!'
Spoke to human with a brain and some sense and it was suggested i ring the water board.
Water board contacted. Useful.
Yes we will come and see if you share a pipe (urgh, why does that make me queasy?). If so, we are responsible, if not, we still may be responsible depending on where it is. We will be round in 1 - 5 days. Success.
I decide to call on my neighbour, the local drug dealer! He's been shopped to the police by all the neighbours - not myself i might add.
'Hi, I'm from next door. Someone may come round to remove the ivy creeping up my wall and window. Don't know who and don't know when, but is that ok? Oh and do you have rats? Do we share a sewer pipe?'
All this is blurted out, with a bit of hesitation and a bit of stuttering. A drug dealer. Obviously has connections with the mafia. I better be careful!!! He may have a gun!!!
The way a woman's brain works!!!
The way a menopausal woman's brain works!!!
The way a menopausal woman with chemo brain's brain works!!!
Anyway, i carry on with my simple but painful exchange of questions and information!
'I have rats and they may be coming in through the sewers and Wessex Water will be visiting in the next few days so if you see a man snooping around, thats who it is.'
In my head, I'm thinking he's hearing, 'There will be armed police swarming the place checking you out for drugs and I'm the one who's grassed!'
He stands there, with a deadpan face, and very few words in answer to my many stuttering, spluttering, uncomfortable questions.
Yes thats fine (the ivy), no to rats, no to sharing a pipe (a sewer pipe, not a drug smoking pipe), and can you get your husband to trim this bush?
I don't have a husband, but if i did, i would!! What a stupid answer.
Im gonna have to watch my back!

Tuesday 4 March 2014

4.3.14

Happy Pancake Day
I had another good one. Day that is, not pancake. Although i had a good pancake too, but ill tell you about that all in good time.
Still been feeling headachy and slightly nauseous, so the lovely Lyn walked the dogs for me this morning, bless her cotton socks.
I had a clients nails and sugaring to do this morning, so after that i paid cheques into the bank, put quilts into the laundrette for a service wash, filled the car up with diesel, and visited Nurturing by Nature to find out if i fed the dogs raw food rather than dog food, would they have less wind etc!!! The answer was, 'probably, yes'.
Then to visit the Woods. Not the woods as in the forest, Val and Dave for lunch. Had a lovely time catching up, and a lovely lunch of salad nicoise followed by home made lemon sorbet. Scrummy.
Then a shattered me left for home.
After half hour of resting and i think possibly dozing off for 5 minutes, i was invited to me Lindas for a cuppa. I love visiting her. She does my heart good. So calm.
'Are you having pancakes?' she asked.
'Probably not' i replied.
'But you love lemons.'
She only whisked me up a couple of pancakes with lemon and sugar! She's like Nigella, a domestic goddess. And they were lovely too.
Now I'm at work, in bed, and looking forward to waking up and 'pitching up' at Marys house in Wimborne St Giles for a nice brekky with her. The reason i put 'pitching up', is because Mary always used to say, 'We pitched up at so and so' and it used to tickle me. Well i have no doubt i will be tickled tomorrow. Mary is one of my oldest friends. We trained as nurses together, and i could tell you some real stories about Mary. Stories of thermal vests, bell ringing and young farmers balls!!! But maybe thats for another blog.
So I shall bid you goodnight and i hope to dream of pricked pork sausages, back bacon, unsmoked, and maybe some fried mushrooms.
Goodnight one and all. Goodnight.

Monday 3 March 2014

3.3.14

Was woken very early by the wind blowing wide the window that was just ajar.
I jumped out of bed to close it so the rain didn't blow in and i felt a tickling sensation running down my back.
'Not a spider' i hear you arachnophobes shouting. No it was my hair! I count myself fortunate that i started off with so much of the stuff. I don't seem to be losing it in any of the places that i want to. The places that i would pay handsomely to have it ripped out, if i didn't usually remove it myself of course.
Had a good day today. Did a bit of cleaning and quite enjoyed myself. Of course, it looks like a bombs hit it now until the next time i get a bit of energy.
Went food shopping and spent far too much, i blame Sam! Ive bought curries, salted crisps, and baked beans, my staple diet at the moment. And of course some fruity ice lollies for when my mouth feels odd.
Then home for some relaxation and a visit from Jenni before she went to Choir. I decided not to go cos i still feel a bit odd, headachy and of course the tummy ache that seems to be here to stay.
Now in bed watching some comedy on the tv.
Not much to report today.
Tomorrow however is gonna be full of breathtaking moments, of highs and lows, and earth shattering activities.
Watch this space!

Sunday 2 March 2014

2.3.14

Look at the date already. Wont be long till its july. Sorry to wish my life away, but july is near the end of my journey, and i really can't wait.
Not only that, but i hope for some better weather by then. Im fed up of sitting indoors and listening to the rain pitter pattering on the windows, something i used to like. But whilst I'm hibernating with various aches and pains going on in my body without so much of an invitation from me, id rather it were sunny.
Im in an in-between mood today.
I find this chemo has not only made me intolerant, but sensitive too.
When i say intolerant, i mean things annoy me, like people who shout, or people who drive in a less than ideal manner. Phone calls where people try to sell me stuff and people knocking at my door forcing me to run downstairs when I'm in the bath. And more obvious to me today, insensitive people who are not in touch with reality! I shan't go into any details, but I'm feeling better following a chat with an angel - not a real angel of course, but she sorted my head out for me and made me realise it wasn't my fault!
Thats where the sensitive comes in. Im not able to cope with my intolerance any more and find myself getting wound up by things that normally i would just ignore or swipe away like a hand to a mosquito. I really should try to ignore people who make silly comments and see them for what they are.
So my side effects are weird today. I have weird 'pains' and i use the word very loosely, all over my abdomen. I feel like it would be different lymph nodes that are inflamed. Im not sure they are, but thats what it feels like. And the worse ones are right down the middle from throat to belly button. I keep going hot and cold, again, in no serious way. No temperature. More like a hormonal thing. I have a mild headache, despite anti-inflammatories, and very very mild nausea. When nauseous, the thing that makes me feel better, as it was when i was pregnant, is to eat. Therefore i have had 3 digestives, half of a microwave meal and 2, and yes i did say 2, milk chocolate magnums, which also help with the weird feelings and taste in my mouth. I can't taste them in any good way, but i still feel its worth trying!!!
My lovely son is cooking me sausage, chips and a well cooked fried egg (not allowed the runny variety) with tomato sauce. Yes its not posh nosh, but i can taste it, something that doesn't happen very often these days.
Tomorrow i am going food shopping for the week and i feel quite a few curries will be bought. The other craving i have at the mo is tinned tomatoes. Maybe cos i watched 4 in a bed the other day and the northerners dished up tinned toms on their brekkies and the southerners dished up freshly grilled. As i was put out by the 'posh' comments of the southerners, i feel an empathy with the northerners. So tinned toms it is!
Anyway, it must be sausage and chips time. Bon appetit.

Saturday 1 March 2014

1.3.14

Ooh, ooh, ooh. I nearly forgot to blog.
I was having such a good day!
Woke up! What i do when i wake up, is to stop, think about it, how am i feeling?
I must say i had the 'mouth/teeth aching' symptom today. Its nothing too bad, not excruciating or anything. Just a bit weird really. A mild head ache too. So i took my tummy tablet and went downstairs in answer to Ruby crying at the bottom of the stairs.

How can you tell that face off? She's such a cutie. She's been making me laugh a lot just lately over the Specsaver advert. The one where the shepherd/farmer has obviously bad eyes. He shears the sheep and then shears the sheepdog. Ruby cries the whole way through the advert. I even played it on YouTube on my laptop whilst she was sat on a friends lap. She recognised the music and jumped up and tried to watch it on the laptop. Of course, she cried all the way through, entertaining the friends i had round at the time.
And now I've put a photo of Ruby, i have to put Dottie on here too. 
                                        
Here she is, and by the magic of photography ~ she's sitting still!!!
Anyway, i went downstairs, made a cup of hot water (yes, i still can't taste, or enjoy tea as i used to), and then back upstairs to relax with a banana and some digestive bickies.
Most mornings i chat with my new friend, Michael, or Mike. Who knows which? I chat with him on FB. He's been through HL, and had a rough time of it too, and he's been very supportive and helpful, and i appreciate his care. So i chatted with him for a bit and then decided, as it wasn't raining, i was gonna walk the dogs. All 3 of us had a lovely time. And even though they ran about more than me, i was more tired!
My lovely Linda rang and suggested she get some pizzas and her and her lovely hubby Ian come round and share them with me. Which they did. We sat in the summer house, the sun shone, the sky was blue and the daffodillies nodded in the breeze. These are the daffs that Linzi bought me and they were ready for planting in the garden. Yes....... I did some gardening!
Then Kerrie (Lindas girlie) joined us for a coffee (when  Ruby did her party piece with the Specsavers ad).
So i had a lovely day, and now I'm watching The Voice.
And tomorrow is another day.