30.6.14

A full day.
I was expecting to have lunch with Linda and then pre chemo bloods at 2pm at the Harbour Hospital and home again.
But no.......
I was contacted by the CT scan department to arrange a CT scan to check for Pulmonary embolism. Was this gonna be the scan where they froth up some saline and inject it into me??? I was hoping not, and someone was smiling down on me, just for a change.
It was just a normal CT scan, and I've had a few of them already so i know I'm ok with them.
This afternoon? 2.30? Harbour Hospital? It all fits.
Best get it over and done with.
I was told i should be nil by mouth.
'Im just off out for lunch!' i complained.
'Oh ok just a light lunch then!!!'
Thats not right. They tell you to be nil by mouth and you don't actually have to be. It was cos it was a chest scan, not stomach or full body.
So Linda and I set off for Bistro on the Beach. We've never been there before so we were looking forward to it. Found the carpark, parked, paid for the ticket and walked down the hill towards the beach.
It was shut on a monday!!!
Walked back up the hill, huffing and puffing like Serena Williams on centre court. I liken myself to Serena cos of the similarity between us!!!
So we went to Cafe Riva a little further on.
I asked about the lunch time specials.
'Oh we can't tell you that till 12.'
I asked what the time is.
'5 to 12!'
We sat at a table and waited for 5 minutes. In that time the same lady put the lunchtime menus on the tables, all of the tables......... except ours. She even looked at us and smiled. Linda asked if we could have a menu.
'Of course,' she said as if Linda had asked her a stupid question.
We decided on ham and brie panini and goats cheese and red onion relish panini and i went up to the counter to order our lunch. They came with chips or salad. We decided to have half of each panini and one with chips and one with salad and share that too. I explained this to the lady and she asked, which one do you want chips with, and what with the other one????
I explained in a very simple fashion. 'Where are you sitting?' she asked.  She'd just given us the menu at our table. Im sure she doesn't do crosswords in her lunch break!
I doubt we will visit again.
Then off to the hospital. The drinks are free in the Harbour hospital and the hot chocolate is very nice, so we always manage to enjoy this whilst waiting for Kelly, my very own phlebotomist, to call my name. Bloods taken uneventfully and then a walk round to the scan department.
They're all so friendly there. I pointed out i had a chest CT 2 weeks ago and what was the difference between that and the one i was about to have. He decided he would check with the radiographer if i needed it.
Oooh i was so hopeful it was gonna be a waste of time and id be sent home. I crossed my fingers and said three hail Mary's, but just my luck, it was decided i still needed it.
I was taken into the changing room to remove anything metal in the chest area (bra, or shrapnel). Then i was carefully arranged on the table and a cannula inserted into the same hole made by the phlebotomist 5 minutes earlier.
I was talked through the procedure.
Dye injected, inserted into the polo, 'hold your breath', and thats it.
As described. The dye was injected and i felt like id swallowed some aluminium foil, and like id just wet myself. I didn't i might add! The bed moved into the polo and the whirring began. Then the robotic 'hold your breath, breath on'. And that was it. Almost not worth doing! It actually took about 2 minutes. More time spent preparing me!
I should get the results tomorrow when i see Dr Jack.
Either I've had a clot on the lung and they then do some investigations to find out why, or i haven't so they continue to investigate why I'm short of breath. Either way...... more cannulas.
I don't have an issue with cannulas. I don't wince, or cry. But id rather not have any more. Ive had about 20 this year! Im starting to resemble a pin cushion, albeit a rather fat, bald pin cushion.
I got home to find Sam sorting the garden.

Still needs the membrane folding in and some more shingle, but its taking shape, and i love it. Id do so much more in the garden if i could. Cant wait to feel better and be able to do more. 

Anyway thats all for today. Tomorrow is chemo number 11. The last one that Linda will come with me for. 

Again, i will tell you how wonderful she's been. I can never thank her enough. I couldn't have done it without her. The highest award anyone could ever get is not enough for her. I will leave her phone number at the bottom of this blog and you can all call on her if you need her. Believe me, you could never do any better than have your own Linda. Im very lucky.

See you tomorrow, ready for a battle with number 11.

29.6.14

OMG I'm just checking in briefly to say Sam is doing the garden, phase 2 and 3 (phase 1 will be finished completely). He has his bosom buddy, Matt, round to help. Im so excited. If we have enough stones, it may be finished today.
Im cock-a-hoop!
I have pushed a few stones around, without gloves!!! I have tender, dry, scratchy fingertips. I am naughty (or just forgetful).
Im being taken out for lunch by my stepdaughter today so i am attempting to beautify myself!! Could take some time. But joy of joys......
I would like to welcome back some of my eye lashes!
Lunch was scrummy.

My first alcoholic drink since Christmas!

Thrice baked cheese soufflé. This was my starter. It was followed by roast lamb and i even had Dorset apple cake served hot with vanilla ice cream. What a let down it was. I was so disappointed. Luckily i was stuffed anyway.
And a spot of good news. Louise, my stepdaughter, announced to me she's getting married next year and would i help her with picking a dress, flowers, hair, venue, cake, etc. I would be honoured. So excited. I am to be mother of the bride!
Back home again for a doze, its hard work being mother of the bride.
But i excelled myself by doing some gardening. I membraned the ready prepped ex grassy areas, but unfortunately i ran out of the stuff. I did what i could tho.  Its gonna look epic.
Would you believe it? Tomorrow is bloods day before number 11.  Out for lunch with Linda before bloods. And tuesday is the penultimate chemo. I can't believe I'm near the end of my journey.
On that note I'm gonna go to bed to dream of being steroid free, and very hairy.

28.6.14

Another lovely day.
Im thinking of starting every blog like this, its getting to be a habit!
Look at this little beauty. The man 2 doors down has lots of different colour poppies in his garden. They look stupendous. Colourful heads bobbing up and down in the breeze.
Well they've obviously self seeded along our road and i have one in the front garden and a couple by a tree in the street outside my house. I shall be waiting for some seed heads to harvest and cultivate.

Went to visit Chris today. On the way there i listened to Heart on the radio and it was the golden year.
Sugar baby love by the rubettes, Summer breeze by the Isley Brothers, Laughter in the rain by Neil Sedaka, Judy Teen by Steve Harley, He's Misstra Know it all by the wonderful Stevie Wonder, WOLD Harry Chapin, Don't let the sun go down on me by Elton. It was lovely. My era! Each song that played, i got excited and tried to guess what the year was, and tried to remember things that i did back then.
I remembered some clothes that i bought from Chelsea Girl. I always tried to buy something a bit different to all the others.  I thought i was the bees knees.
My first hair cut. It looked so nice.
The discos that i went to., and danced the night away. Obviously ensuring i was home by 11!
Sunbathing at the beach. A no-no now. I had a glittery lime green cut out cozzy. Don't think it would fit today!
Doesn't time fly?
Oh it was such good fun listening to the golden hour.
But why is it that just when the time comes where they tell you the correct year, you lose signal and the radio gets all crackly!! I missed the result!!!
I spent all day trying to figure it out. Chris hasn't got internet in his new house yet, so i couldn't even google it.
So, I've just got in, unpacked, etc and now is the time to check my pop knowledge. I guessed at 1976, but changed it to 1975 as the hour passed. Im not gonna tell you till the end of todays blog. I wonder if you're trying to guess it now?
The other thing on the way to Chris's...... i came across 6 magpies on a roundabout.
1 for sorrow
2 for joy
3 for a girl
4 for a boy
5 for silver
6 for gold
Does this mean I'm gonna be wealthy? Should i buy a lottery ticket?
I went a bit further round and there was another one.
Does that count as 7 magpies?
7 for a secret never to be told.
Oh no. Does this mean someones keeping a secret from me? Or will i find out a secret and have to keep it that way?
Anyway i arrived at Chris's house and he was in the barn tidying up. He'd been there 4 hours already (it was about 11) and its starting to take shape. He has to be careful where he puts things cos theres a couple of swallows nests with lots of babies pooping over the edge!
The field has been cut by the farmer for hay but theres a corner area with long grass that Dot and Ruby took a liking to. All i could here was Ruby snorting. She came out covered in green grass seeds. She looked like a pistachio covered belgian magnum ice cream!
This is the grassy corner. The girls went mental in it. What fun they had.

They're both absolutely shattered now, as am i!!!
A chinese takeaway for dinner and i managed to escape and drive home.
So without more a do, i shall bid thee farewell.
Oops i nearly forgot. It was 1974! I was wrong!

27.6.14

Nothing to report as yet. No news is good news!
A day of doing not very much at all.
Kerrie came to visit and i did her nails for her specially for her 'parrttaayyyy' in Ayia Napa. She's a sweet thing.

Then a bit of washing up and tidying round. I swear I'm gonna explode from all the excitement.
I made a huge bowl of salad and had some with some mackerel for lunch. It was yummy. The remainder will be dinner with a jacket potato i think. The question is......tuna mayo or cheese and beans? I think a further injection of omega 3 oil is the order of the day - tuna mayo!
Having digested my lunch i fell into my normal routine. Sit in front of Loose Women and fall asleep. Is it me, or is Jamelia far too judgemental? You have Janet Street Porter who is known for being a difficult, opinionated, woman. But give me her any day over Jamelia. And whats with the way she talks? Not the Brummy bit, she seems to talk like the youngsters today who try to talk 'ghetto slang/ebonics'.
Karen visited and brought Archie and chocolates. The dogs played lovely together whilst we sat outside on the decking with a coffee.
I noticed i had one small strawberry on my planter. Beautifully red and ripe, just ready for picking.
I was discussing my strawberry growing ability with a friend the other day and mentioned what a poor harvest i was having. So i was surprised to see this little treasure.
I looked back 2 seconds later and the strawberry had gone!!!
Dottie looked very guilty!
The mystery is solved. I think someone has been helping themselves to one of their 5-a-day.
Another mystery.... why on FB can nobody spell definitely? Everyone puts defiantly!
Im getting paranoid. Cos of all this heart/lung stuff, i keep thinking my chest feels tight. Then i worry that I'm having a heart attack or a lung clot. When will it all end? Have i got to live life worrying like this forever, or is it just till chemos finished?
Of course you tell yourself, 'it won't happen to me!' But of course, its already happened to me!!!

26.6.14

20 days to my last chemo!!!
Well i started the day well being all positive about only having 2 more chemos and 20 days left, but I've visited the cardiologist, Dr C, who is really quite cute, although far too young for me, and more than likely happily married and with small children. But a girl can dream.
But before that, i had a visit from Sarah who came armed with flowers and cakeys of the turkish variety. They were yummy in a honey and nut way.

It was lovely to see her. We gossiped and laughed whilst guzzling the cakes. The dogs were enraptured with her, and even more so with the cakes. Dot sat on guard waiting for us to leave the cakes unattended. Unfortunately that never happened, although they nearly managed to escape the plate and land on the floor, but Dot wasn't quick enough!

The flowers are gorgeous and look so nice in my flowery jug!

Nextly i visited a little lady who I've known for years in her new care home. She commented that i seemed happier and brighter than last time, and I'm sure she's right. She's settling in well to her new home, regardless of the fact that she's blind and can't find her way round her small room, bless her heart. Ive given her some tips on the room layout so maybe next time she may have explored and be getting a little more exercise. 

I did have something funny to report... but I've forgotten it!!!

I changed my bed. Ive washed all the sheets etc, but its raining now and so its like a chinese laundry here. Of course, my tumbler  broke down the other day and has been dispatched to the tip.

So...... Hodgkins lymphoma, heart damage, and a broken tumbler! Can life get any worse?

Then my visit to my sweet heart (cardiologist!). I was expecting answers. I wanted answers! 

I picked Linda up from her house and after a half hour conversation about Towie with her daughter, we left for the hospital. 

It amazes me the cardio respiratory department is up some stairs, along a corridor, up another flight and then a steep ramp in to the department. The lift is available for the different floors, but the ramp is an obstacle that ALL heart/lung patients have to attempt. I almost expect to find a small graveyard at the top of the ramp. 

The lovely Dr C. He popped his head round the door and called me and Linda through.

He was happy to confirm my coronary arteries were in good nick. Asked me more questions, and the three of us sat there trying to work out 'whodunnit'. 

He did my 'obs', BP and pulse, and strangely he used his phone to make a 'beating rhythmic' sound whilst he did my pulse. Ive never heard of that before. 

It was so hot in the hospital, and Dr C had an air-conditioning unit running. However the hose was too thick to fit through the barely openable window. The hospital are wary of people falling out of windows so they only open about 2 inches. Must be a problem in the bulimia ward!! 

To allow more air to circulate, he opened all the blinds.

So he asked to listen to my chest!!! 

'Are you ok with the blinds open?' he asked, meaning somebody may be looking out of a window and see me being examined. 

My reply. 'Oh give them a treat!' It did tickle me and i think Dr C too.

Well the outcome of the meeting is this....

It could be a heart attack, but the damage is in the wrong place.  It should be in the middle of the wall and not on the inside.

It could be myocarditis. Inflammation of the heart muscle usually caused by a virus.

Or, it could be due to pulmonary embolisms. He thinks this is unlikely but is thinking of further investigations. Id rather be left alone, but if i need it, i need it. More cannulas, more invasions. He's gonna talk to Dr Jack tomorrow and see what he thinks.

He said normally it all makes sense and he can see what the cause and treatment is, but in my case, no!

I am a medical mystery.

I think the best option is the myocarditis. It means the damage is done and its over. But we don't want any clots floating round my body on a regular basis and possible stopping in my lungs, heart or brain. The problem is the shortness of breath which could mean the embolisms could be the issue, but it could also be just down to the chemo.  Oh fiddly diddly dee!!

Im gonna go now, cos I'm starting to bore myself!

25.6.14

Good morning birdies..... again. Will i always wake at 4.30 - 5.00? Forever?
I suppose if i ran a marathon, id be more tired and sleep later? It doesn't seem to work that way.
I painted a garage last weekend and i still woke up at the crack of dawn.
I shouldn't complain.... it could be far worse. At least I'm feeling fairly good. Notice there's a 'fairly' in that sentence. Im feeling a bit groggy today, at 4 in the morning!!!
Isn't it funny how lots of people have the chemo that I'm having and they all have a different experience, but lots of the same symptoms.
Some people sail through it with no effect. Others have told me of the nausea and vomiting and how bad its been. I think I've been in the middle somewhere.
Two of the most common and most complained about symptoms that I've noticed is the weight gain, and the hair loss. The chemicals damage your body and can cause future illness, but the weight gain and hair loss is waving the biggest flag for most people.
These are the worse things about chemo for me. Pride in my appearance has gone out the window along with my hair. And i wonder how long it will be before i have the energy or ability to do exercise and regain some fitness, and how long it will take to 'get over' the steroids. I can cope with the other symptoms, but I've lost control over the weight gain and hair loss.
The hair is returning slowly. But its white now! I keep wondering whether to do something drastic. Dye it bright red. Id no doubt have comments like, 'How did you cut your head!'
Maybe i should dye it purple like the lavender in the garden. At least then i can blend in.
Off house moving with Chris Sam and Joe today. Of course my strength and ability to lug boxes about will be invaluable.
I did attempt to make coffees etc, but couldn't find the kettle flex, or the coffee, or the cups, and it was far too hot for coffee anyway.
Im home again now.
Joe has boarded his train bound for London, and Sam is chilling in his room. Chris will be ordering Chloe and Sharon around as we speak.
Empty that box, move that furniture! I bet its fun in his new house.
Im off to fall asleep unexpectedly on the sofa!

24.6.14

Oh dear. Its 4am and I'm awake with the birds. Its funny how they find being up at 4am so enjoyable. Twittering away. They obviously didn't sit up till 12.30am watching BB after having fallen asleep about 3 times and having had to rewind it again and again so as to not miss any of it.
I know that sounds sad to some people, but for me, reality TV is quite important.
Ive said it before, i don't have a life at the mo, apart from chemo, drugs, symptoms, and investigations, so i live my life through reality TV. Its like my little family that i tune into every day, regardless of how i feel, or what I've done. And i must say my little TV family is stuffed full of idiots!
Please don't confuse my ramblings and think I'm accusing my own REAL family of being idiots.
But what a nice day.
I collected my Joe from the station at lunchtime. We did some food shopping and then home to relax and catch up.
He bought me a lovely prezzy. Something i saw in Harrods when i went to visit him in London late last year. What a little sweetheart he is.

A bird box. Its so sweet. It will go in my bedroom i think, when I've worked out how to string it up.
Then some good news, Chris's house buying has been successful. So Sam and i have just booked a van to move him tomorrow. So another busy day.  I will be there in my capacity as supervisor! And maybe cookie eater!
The heat and lack of sleep last night is catching up with me and I'm feeling very weary. So i don't think it will be long before i lay myself down and fall into unconsciousness.
After BB of course.

23.6.14

I feel shattered this morning. A mix of not too much sleep, a bit too much heat, overdid it yesterday and steroid come down. But I'm happy anyway!
Lots to do today, if i feel like it. So i better get up and at 'em!
Waiting for shingle to arrive. Apparently its gonna be about 11 or just before. Its already 10 to 1!!!
Sam has been despatched to the bottom of the garden to get rid of a pile of soil. He is sprinkling it like fairy dust behind bushes etc. I have membraned the bed in front of the garage and put a few beach pebbles on it.
I want it all done, and i want it done now!
An odd thing. Its amazing that wearing a wide brimmed hat to protect from the sun makes my head sweat!
So the pots are in place now.

I have a metal 'tree' to be attached on the wall to the right of the door, and i think thats it for now. The plates i was gonna put on the left, I'm gonna put on the wall under the lean too by the kitchen door. Much better idea.

When discussing this idea with Sam, i apparently said 'chairs' instead of 'plates'. Sam thought i was gonna stick 2 pine chairs that are in the garage, on the wall over the top of the lavender!!!! All i can do is blame the drugs!

Saying that, it would be 2 more seats for people if they came for a BBQ!

Sam has finished Phase 1 of the grass removal/shingle laying.

One small step for mankind.

One massive job for Sam for tomorrow!!!

I like seeing it coming together. I feel rewarded. 

Im looking forward to tomorrow. Joe, my baby, is coming to stay. Im picking him up from the station and then we'll go and get some food for a few days. See!!! Its all about food all the time!

Ive had a very hungry day. Ive not eaten bad things, but I've just constantly been daydreaming about what i can have, what i have in that i can have, and when can i have it. The awful thing is, the taste buds have gone anyway, so i can't taste anything. You'd think that would do the trick........ but no.

Anyway, its time for BB, and Bit on the Psyche, my daily dose of amazement that some people can be so up themselves, and a jolly good laugh at Rylans teeth!

Gotta dash. Ta ra.

22.6.14

What I've noticed on the saturday night after chemo is shortness of breath in the night. Ive looked back over my blog and its definitely a pattern.
So last night was not the most comfortable of nights sleep. If i breath in deeply (but slowly) i can feel that 'catch' that I've complained of before. Yes i hear you. Me??? Complain???? It takes my breath away when i do it. I also have a bit of a sore throat, but no temp, so I'm ok.
You must have noticed I'm not complaining as much as normal tho? Yes, have you noticed? Anyone?
I don't mean to moan. I just want it all written down for anyone who's interested, or maybe going through something similar, but also for me to look back and find a pattern, as i have done today.
Anyway, although i didn't feel like it, i gave the garage another coat of paint, so the main bit is done. Just need to make it look nice with pots and stuff.
Maybe later after i have re-acquainted with Judge Judy for an hour or two. She's got balls, that woman!
Sams just moved some lavendered chimney pots for me. Still got the door to paint, the bed in front of the garage to sort (membrane and stones and pots on top) and i have some plates i may or may not put on the wall. Hopefully the lavender will start to flower soon and so we get a flash of colour.
Seems like months ago when it was covered in ivy and Sam and i pulled it all down. Oh yes, it was months ago!

 

I had to put this photo on cos i think they are a treasure of nature.  Beautiful colour and shape. Love them. Hope they self seed so they're all over the place next year. 

An evening of Big Brother. Nothing better than watching idiots show themselves up. I know they're young, but really! I don't know what the attraction is for me. Its the same with TOWIE. Its all such a set up but i can't stop watching people press the self destruct button. 

Even so, i don't know why i have to fall asleep during it, only for 10 minutes,  and then i can't sleep properly.

So I'm now lying in bed, the fan going cos I'm hot, and I'm ready for sleep but wide awake. 

The only thing i can do is to let my mind go wandering over the near future of my last chemo. Imagine how I'm gonna feel knowing its my last one in 3 weeks time. The thought of no more steroids. No more cannulas. No more side effects. Its truly magical thinking of it. Who'd have thought id be here this time last year?

Has it changed me? Yes it has but Im not sure how yet. I think i won't know the answer to that until its all over. 

Im gonna put my magical wandering shoes on and meander through my favourite thought. Wander through to number 12. See you in the morning and back to reality.

Nighty night.

21.6.14

Nice one again. The sun is shining so nicely over us at the moment, hope it lasts.
I have painted the garage, well the first coat anyway. I did it with a scarf on, covered in suncream. It was very warm! I ended up looking like id just come out of a snow globe.
Then Linda and Ian arrived cos Ian said he would put 2 plants in the garden for me. They're a bit too big for me. They came armed with cakes, so we sat and had coffee on the decking.
Ian has done a magnificent job along with his little helper, Linda.  Its really made a difference. It looks gorgeous. An oleander and bamboo, and then he transplanted 2 ferns.

 

I pulled out loads of perennial geraniums which now has given me a job for tomorrow, to tidy up the mess I've made! 

I think i over did it today, but I'm happy with what i did. And I'm sure i'll over do it again tomorrow! But whilst I'm feeling good, i will continue.

I have tried to chill since, and now i feel bored! 

I think its just that i want to get back to normal now. Im fed up with restrictions. Not long now. 24 days to my last treatment.

Freedom...... I'm coming to get you. 

20.6.14

Sun, sun, sun.
Another gorgeous day, and I'm feeling good.
Ive prepped the garage with the help of Sam.
So maybe i'll paint it tomorrow. Ive waited so long to feel up to painting it, and I'm now ready.
And i met up for a coffee with Linda. So its been a nice day.
Cruise is booked too.
Off on a 4 night cruise in October to Bruge and Antwerp with Linda and Kerrie. We're gonna have a ball. I really can't wait. Just wish it weren't 5 months away. Something to look forward to tho.
I did have one other treat today.
I was driving to Castle Point to meet Linda and i saw a woman aged about 60 with straggly grey hair tied up. She had a grey crop top and a tight pair of burgundy shorts revealing a large amount of ass hanging out at the back. Some people have so much nerve! Good on her, but its not nice for anyone feeling nauseous!
Nowt else to report, so i will bid you adieu.

19.6.14

I forgot to say yesterday, when talking to Dr Jack i told him i had an invitation for a mammogram in july. Being that I've had scans, i wondered if that would show if i had breast cancer. If it would have shown it, should i put off the mammogram for another year or so? It would be pointless to have it now. His reply was very useful, but surprised me a little.
He said, 'If you had breast cancer during lymphoma treatment, we use some of the same drugs used for that cancer, so it would have killed it anyway.'
Its almost like a BOGOFF offer. 'You kill one, you kill the other free!'
Just tickled me!
Anyway. I woke a few times in the night, but hurrah..........im feeling good. I have to hold onto the balustrade when going down stairs in case i get the urge to fly, but all good here!
And a good day its been. Sam and i sorted the garage, again! Took a load of stuff to the tip. Including my tumble drier that died a few days ago. It must be about 15 years old.
However, a few weeks ago i found mice had been going into the garage to gorge on my bird seed and nuts. I sorted that problem and cleaned up.
Well, again i find mice droppings. In my bike helmet! It stinks of pee and nibble marks so its now in the tip! Along with a cushion cover that i had made specially for my garden furniture, so now i only have 5 instead of 6. Damn vermin!
But hey, the garage is looking good.
The other exciting thing.... tomorrow I'm booking a 4 night cruise to Bruge and Antwerp from Southampton, with Linda and Kerrie. I can't wait. We're gonna have such fun. I have 5 months to lose some weight and grow some hair.
I am now shattered.
Relaxing in front of the TV but all thats on is football!
So i think an early night is doctors orders.

18.6.14

Number 10 - have it in your pie hole!

And i think 27 more days to the finish line.

Well I'm here. Sat in my chair, cannulated, waiting for 'ready, set, go!'
My drugs aren't in the hospital yet!!
Apparently the couriers fault.
Just had a nice pharmacist come to see me to apologise for the delay! Bless him, he stuttered a bit! It's the effect I have on men!
The only thing keeping me smiling is the fact that Linda and I are googling mini cruises. I say mini cruises..... Linda has advanced to round the world cruises now. A little out of our budget, but I'm sure if we downgrade to an outside stateroom with balcony we'll be able to afford it!
So the drugs arrived after being sent to Bournemouth hospital to be turned from powder to liquid. It can only be done aseptically in a pharmacy lab and the Poole lab is being built/refurbbed or something.
Id already been given the V out of ABVD, and the premeds. So the well travelled, specially prepped med is given and the A and B. They check the D and its out of time. The drugs are so potent that they have to be made that day and given within a certain time scale, within hours. Out of time cos we've had to wait so long.
My lovely nurse, Jo, almost threatened the pharmacist to get the head pharmacist out of a meeting, as he/she had the authority to say use it or not, and eventually i was given the 'stale' drugs.
Otherwise it was uneventful. I managed to doze for 45 mins whilst Linda rubbed my feet. What can i say that i haven't said before about her. I need to make up a new word to describe her. A new title. My bag of gold treasure! Would she mind if i called her the old bag, do ya think?
Jo was lovely, full of fun. She said she wants to do my final chemo. Thats nice of her to say, but i can't help but think its cos she wants to make sure she sees the back of me! Make sure i ring the 'I've finished' bell. It rang for someone else today. It really makes you feel good when you hear someone else's bell ringing. Imagine when i ring my own!!!!
Im home, and I'm feeling fairly good.
Lounging on the bed with the dogs guarding me! Watching lots of stuff that I've 'recorded'.
Just had some toast. On strict instructions healthy eating starts tomorrow. No cakey or bickies. Hopefully on the road to recovery.....already.
Happy days.
Hopefully happy nights too!!! Nighty night.

17.6.14

I should be sacked. I have one job to do each day, and again, i forget.
So today will be doubly exciting!!! If only that were true.
There may be a little more in it than the last few days, but it think the adjective 'exciting' is pushing it.
Today i am seeing Dr Jack. An appointment i am looking forward to cos i have plenty to ask him.
But i will continue later after i have seen him.
Yesterday i went for brekky with my boss. Had a nice time. It always amazes me, with all my fatigue (and theres lots of it) i am still able to chat and chat and chat and chat!
Then home to wait for the lovely Jenni who's back from her cruise.
Of course she was late, but i forgave her cos she came bearing gifts.
A lovely scarf, a nautical hook for my summer house and a captains hat! I love all of them. I had been wondering what to wear on my head to choir this evening. So I wore the scarf and hat! And looked a right numpty! But i don't care. It was a conversation piece.
Choir was good. We sang I say a little prayer, i believe in a thing called love, don't let the sun go down and happy day. This is all practise for our forthcoming concert on the 20th july. Unfortunately my last chemo is 16th, so not sure if I'm gonna make it! But lots of things to look forward to in the near future.
We're singing at Abbey Road in november. Next year we're singing at the NEC. And we're being featured on an album being recorded by the RockChoir founder.
And now I'm sat here, taste buds in tact, meds taken, feeling positively wonderful before bloods today and number 10 tomorrow. Double figures. Bring it on.
Saw Dr Jack. Nothing to report that i didn't already know.
All set for tomorrows onslaught.

15.6.14

Race for Life day. Loads of photos of fit and healthy runners doing their bit for Cancer Research, and heres me sat on my ass with my feet up! Maybe next year. but ill have to get a very supportive bra first!
So what have i done?
Bugger all. A bit of washing, a bit of washing up, some weeding.
Boredom is my best friend.
I watched a bit of Americas Got Talent but i got so fed up with hearing, 'Good job' and 'thank you so much' that i felt i was close to topping myself so had to turn over. It all sounded so insincere.
So i think a cup of hot chocolate and Columbo is next on my very full agenda, or maybe a bit of Judge Judy.
I see UK tv is doing their version of Judge Judy. It will be interesting if he can beat her sarcasm and intolerance.
A relaxing day of doing nowt, and now I'm relaxing doing nowt in front of the tv.
All the inspiring ladies have finished their Race for Life. Its nice people come together for something that touches so many of us.
This is Linzi's tag.

Bless her cotton socks.

Well I'm sorry to let you down again, but i have nothing to tell you that will leave you on the edge of your seat. Nothing that will get your heart pumping and your body sweating. Maybe thats a good thing!

Tomorrow i will be seeing Jenni, and we will be singing at choir, so there maybe a small snippet i can interest you in. And tuesday I'm seeing Dr Jack. Wednesday, of course is number 10. I really hope theres no excitement, but you never can tell till the event.

So im gonna go and let you enjoy your evening. Maybe try tuning into the World Cup. Maybe there'll be something there for you!

Over and out.

14.6.14

Im torn.
Its gone 11.30pm and I'm in bed and I've not started my blog yet.
A very quick summary of the days activities......
Brekky.
Bathed.
Visited Chris (9 dogs in one house!!)
Lunch.
Chatted.
Drove home.
Linzi visited.
Bedtime.
Now i know thats not entertaining.  Would you like me to tell you a joke?

A very old woman realizes that she's seen and done everything and the time has come to depart from this world. After considering various methods of doing away with herself, she decides to shoot herself through the heart.
Not wanting to make a mistake, she phones her doctor and asks him the exact location of the heart. He tells her that the heart is located two inches below the left nipple.
The old woman hangs up the phone, takes careful aim and shoots herself in the left knee.
I will be back to my normal blogging activities tomorrow, i promise. Nighty night. 

13.6.14

What will today bring?
Its friday the 13th.
Met Linda at Castle Point Shopping Centre. There was a fashion show at M&S for the Premier Club members (i.e. posh people such as myself!) and a lady was holding up different outfits, what goes with what, and which shoes, etc. Which colours are 'en vogue'. There were various different drinks and nibbles for  members of the Premier Club. I had a mini cupcake, cheese straws, some chockies, a lime, chicken and coconut samosa that was so lovely that i bought some from the food hall afterwards, and a glass of blackcurrant and lemonade.
Clothes? What clothes?
The taste buds have returned, which is good, but they tend to wave flags saying, 'stimulate me'! And I'm always happy to oblige.

I walked all the way to B&Q looking for some exterior paint to smarten up a garden bench (as above) but couldn't find the colour i wanted so walked all the way back to M&S again, and i didn't rush, but i wasn't dawdling, and i didn't get the feeling my lungs were about to implode! So i would say marginal improvement with the drugs.
I must say i have the fear of what if i have another attack. I don't know how likely it is, i don't know how bad it was the first time. Ive seen the damage on the scan but it means nothing to me in real terms. I suppose one day someone will let me in on the secret.
Home again to find Sam excavating the garden. There are some small areas that are grassed in my well established garden and the doggies tend to 'ruin' the grass somewhat. Its patchy, and thin in places (pretty much like another garden i know of!) and i mentioned it would make life easier if the areas were gravelled, so number 1 area of 3 is now bald (I shan't mention lady gardens again!). Membrane is about to be fashioned and then stones laid. It makes me happy. I can't do much in the garden myself at the mo, so its the next best thing.

Luckily Sam has Dottie to help him!!

Down tools for the workman for the day! Its a waiting game now for it to be finished.

I also have 2 plants that need to be strategically placed to 'block a peep hole'. 

Anyway, thats all you're getting today. You have a few exciting stories and 3 high definition photos!

See you tomorrow with some more stuff that will set you on fire!

12.6.14

Looking forward to another lovely day today.
Everything feels positive to me today. I know i woke at 5am, but I'm feeling amazing!
I do have a mild steroid low, but so far, and lets hope it stays like this, its not too bad.
Im wondering what has changed my mindset?
Is it cos I've had a near catastrophic experience with my heart, which to be fair, is still not 'understood', but partially sorted?
Is it cos I'm on the 'home run' with regards the chemo?
Is it cos the fatigue is making me not give a sh*t about anything anymore?
Maybe its the light at the end of the tunnel?
All i know is, I'm looking forward to getting back on with where my life left off. A few tweaks along the way of course. To regain my fitness if i can, certainly lose some weight, hopefully stopping the steroids will make that an easier job than usual, to wash and iron all the clothes that  i haven't been able to get into cos of the damned steroids, to clean the house (a job that has been ignored for 5 months other than the odd hoover and duster flick). Oh my god, the excitement that i feel knowing that soon i can return to life. Im so excited.
I don't know how long it will last, or why it happened, but the last couple of chemos have not been too bad.
I don't seem to have had such bad symptoms. I don't recall moaning about a tummy ache, or the drainpipe in the throat feeling. I didn't have a rigor. No nausea.
Ive not felt whizzo, but not felt dreadful either.
Long may it last.
So, to those negative people  who told me at the beginning of my journey that i would get a 'build up' (of chemo and affects), things would get worse for me, id have very few good days. You were wrong! I can't imaging why you would say these things, but,
1) if you tell people they will feel bad, psychologically, they may well do,
2) if you have been affected like this in your experience, that sure don't mean everyone else will, and
3) you have no idea how i will feel during my chemo, nobody does till i get there, you are not an expert!
4) it puts a negative 'downer' on the start of the journey that really isn't helpful.
The main culprit, i also noticed, would put comments on the Hodgkins Lymphoma site and it would amaze me. A young person had commented that she may have to have a stem cell transplant and was worried about it. The 'culprit' replied. 'I had that done and its the worse thing you'll ever go through!'
Is it just me, or is that a crazy thing to tell someone?
I think maybe these type of people are after some kind of recognition of what they have been through. What a brave soldier they've been cos their experience was so bad. They have been brave soldiers, we all are, but its far nicer to tell a newbie 'these are my experiences, yours may well be different' than put the fear of god into him or her.
Im sorry. Im rambling!
Im gonna go and raid the kitchen. Its brekky time. I have a whole array of yoghurt type deserts in the fridge that Sam got me yesterday. Because I'm trying to eat healthily, and because dairy doesn't always do me any favours, Sam has brought me many many 'free from' style yogurts. Im dreading it!!!! And lets not forget the taste buds have gone AWOL.
Yep. As i suspected, zilch taste!
A visit to my friends house for a day of bleating, eating, and tweeting.

We bleated constantly. Im amazed how much we can talk, non stop.
The food was wonderful. We had rhubarb and raspberry tart with strawberries and yoghurt for afternoon tea. And then dinner was fillet steak, chips and salad, meringue, strawberries and cream. The steak just melted in the mouth.

The chef, who'd been awake since 4.30am, and had spent the day gardening, and entertaining me. I was given a few chores. Sweet pea picking, setting the table, cat stroking and helping with the liberation of 2 green finches that had become imprisoned in the fruit cage. I think i was the scarecrow!

This is Treacle who spends her spare time with her trowel in the garden. Her favourite plants are pussy willow and catkins.
The tweeting? Mary has a skill second to none! She knows her birds! She knows the birdsong too. So we had a walk to look for birds, and spent quite a while with the binos looking for nuthatches, swifts, house martins, and many other little treasures. Unfortunately the tawny owls weren't playing ball today, but we did see a buzzard.
All in all, a perfect day.
Now I'm home, and shattered, so I'm off to my pit.

11.6.14

A day of relief and a day of rebellion!
Relief cos i don't have furry arteries, although no other answers to my puffy plight. And rebellion, just cos i can!
I had a good night despite worrying about bleeding to death! And I've woken to find my artery is still in tact and no blood has escaped.
So, rebellion.
Ive just had 2 pieces of wholemeal toast with a little butter and some jam!!!! Oh yes, i have!
And guess what?????
My taste buds have gone and i couldn't taste a blessed thing! Thats karma for you.
I feel the need to ring Dr Jack today and tell him about my smooth operators (the arteries). Whats gonna happen now?
Rang Dr Jack. Nothing to report! He said I've gotta speak to the expert, Dr C. I want answers and its very frustrating when i don't get them, NOW.
Dr C's on holiday till next week, so i can't hassle him.
Im all of a dither!
Another frustration. Chris's house sale has just fallen through, due to illness of the buyers buyer apparently. Its all negative at the mo, and id really like to swap my hand! Come on someone. Shake up the cards a bit please.
A nice trip out to a garden centre with Lyn this afternoon. Cup of tea and Dorset Apple Cake, so one of my 5 a day!!! Chatting non stop so hopefully a few calories burned off. Lots of wedding talk, hers not mine! Looking forward to it, just hope my hair grows a bit more. I could wear a floppy hat if its a sunny day tho.
And Sam cut me some crudités to have with some hummus. They say things happen in threes, so maybe I'm gonna be dealt some aces pretty soon.
Woweee. Not wishing to jinx anything....... Chris's house sale trauma may have just changed for the good. Im not gonna say till its in writing, till the deed is done, but I'm gonna sit here and not move. Im gonna cross my eyes, my fingers, my legs and anything else crossable.

10.6.14

It feels weird (that word again), sat in bed at 6am, popping pills. 4 aspirin and 8 other blood thinners. I shouldn't get a headache today!
Not feeling too stressed about my impending doom thanks to Debbie explaining everything, and a few others telling me of their experiences.
Arrived at the hospital and left standing for a while until someone noticed Linda and i were there.
Yes my faithful Linda was by my side, as usual. Always there to support me.
Eventually shown to my room. Nice nurses admitted me and one lady was able to practice her darts moves on me. Unfortunately she didn't get a bullseye, despite my huge veins. She offered to try another vein but i very discreetly suggested i have someone who can get the cannula in first go so as to save my veins from collapsing as i need them for chemo. She took it very well and they sent in a HCA called Jill who managed to whack in a huge green cannula before i even blinked.
Dr Talwar called in to see me to explain everything again. He's very nice.
Eventually i was wheeled down to the 'lab' where i waited for about 40 minutes and i managed to hassle nearly everyone who passed me for a cup of tea. I never got it, but it put a smile on their faces. One man came to check i was the next patient and realising i was the right patient, he said to me, 'Good man!'
Flipping heck. I know i have very little hair but thats ridiculous.
They're ready for me. Im walked in, gown flapping at the back. And I'm placed  on the rack, sorry i mean table!
Electrode pads placed on my chest, iodine painted all over my right arm/wrist, antibiotics flushed into my cannula and I'm ready for action.
Diazemuls given via cannula and a lovely warm glow takes over me.
Dr Talwar asks if I'm feeling ok.
Absolutely wonderful, i reply. Before i know it he's stuck a needle in my wrist to anaesthetise the area and then i hear him say, the catheter is in.
Right coronary artery normal. Left coronary artery normal. You can go home.
Well you might think that a good result. And it is. But it doesn't answer the question, why do i have damage to my heart? Why am i short of breath? Why do i have a tachycardia? Why can i not get on and paint my garage?
Tune in for the next instalment.
I beam at Linda as I'm wheeled down the corridor towards my room.
I tell her my story,  and we sit and analyse the whys and wherefore for the next 3 hours! Its what we do best.
Its Lindas anniversary today, so i send her packing. Sam takes over the duty now. He's on standby ready to pounce when i say the word.
I sit and twiddle my thumbs for a bit whilst waiting for the nurse to come and let some air out of my arterial pressure bracelet on a regular basis. I mull over the thought of the arterial blood pumping out during the night. Not only will i be stone dead, i will also have a very mucky bed.

Snazzy little thing, innit?

Eventually the bracelet is deflated, and after some begging, is removed and the cannula in the opposing arm is also removed. The dressing from where 'Eric Bristow' attempted to cannulate me is removed to show a lovely big bruise.

Then i am discharged into the capable hands of Sam. He wanted to wheelchair me from the ward to the car, but I'm far too tough for that.
Happier at home, without an answer, but the knowledge that i have normal coronary arteries. I can almost start having salt, fat and sugar!!!!
Not really. Ive really enjoyed living healthy for 2 days!
Sam prepares me a mackerel salad followed by berries and a caramel soya mousse!! Whilst i telephone some close friends and family to tell them of my day.
All in all, not a bad day. Im very proud of myself for being a brave soldier, yet again.
My theory. And it may be completely wrong, but its my theory all the same.........

I had a virus which gave me a bit of myocarditis (inflammation of the heart) which has given me scar tissue to my heart and a fast pulse and shortness of breath. Chemo has caused some lung damage (maybe temporary) also causing shortness of breath. Chemo has caused terrible fatigue which causes shortness of breath. Steroids have caused fluid retention and weight gain which causes shortness of breath. Therefore, i have shortness of breath.
Maybe/hopefully it will be temporary and after steroids and chemo have vamoosed, maybe i will start to lose my 'puff'. That would be nice if it were true. Maybe it is????

9.6.14

What a night!
Its horrid how things always seem so bad at night. You seem to lose all your powers of sensibility, awareness or even sanity!
I woke, not sure what time. Maybe about 2am.
I was not short of breath. I did not have chest tightness. No pain in chest or down arm.
But i was clammy!
It was a warm night and i was clammy.
Im having a heart attack!!! Thats what i thought anyway.
Do i call for Sam? Do i dial 999?
Sensibility was dragged back, shouting and screaming at me.
I suppose this shows i haven't lost ALL my marbles with the menopause and chemo brain. I did neither of those 2 things. I reasoned with myself and tried to work it out.
No symptoms! A bit warm! A warm night! Man up!!!
Luckily, i dozed off at about 4am. And even more luckily I've awoken at 6am.
Night times. Who'd have them???
Off to see the GP today at 9am with a list as long as my arm,  of questions and demands.
I got a prescription! That was it really. He couldn't tell me anything i wanted to know. It was all 'ask your oncologist or cardiologist!' I should add, he did say these things quite sympathetically, not as callously as it sounds.
So, food!
What a day for food. Im becoming a health food freak. I have a fridge full of low fat hummus, mackerel, salmon, chicken, veg galore, lo fat, lo sugar, dairy free puds to have with all the berries i have. I have omitted fat and salt. Im really missing the salt!

Tomato and chilli chicken wrap with roasted veg for lunch.
And mackerel, and it was sooooo tasty, avocado rocket salad with lemon juice, pitta and hummus for dinner.
Cupcake Jane has given me some ideas and a wonderful soup recipe that i will try soon cos it looks wonderful. She also gave me a few comforting words of advice which made me feel better.
I did lose 3 lbs yesterday, but it could have been the steroids decreasing??? But wouldn't it be nice if i could finish chemo and lose the one and half stone I've put on very easily, and even more. I could be a size zero! I could be a super model, albeit a bald one!
I will be on the cover of Vogue! I will be invited onto This Morning to talk of fashion and the smaller lady!! I think I'm getting carried away here.
Its weird. A word i use far too much. But since I'm worrying about the angiogram, I've not worried so much about the chemo. I know I've been through the better part of chemo this last week, the following week should be the 'symptom suffering' part, but i feel like its not that bad compared to my anxiety about tomorrow. Heart problems may have made chemo 9 disappear into the blue! Time will tell. I think after the angio i will be so relieved, i will feel happier. Thats the idea anyway.
Its funny how the mind works!
My lovely friend Debbie has tried her utmost to make me feel ok about tomorrow. She's worked in Coronary Care Unit forever. She said she'd rather have an angio than a filling at the dentist. And she said Dr Talwar is one of her favourites.
I think i should just man up. Many people have this done, and it saves many a life. And it should be over fairly quickly if I'm lucky.
Bring it on.

8.6.14

Its a new day, its a new dawn, its a new life, for me.
And I'm feeling not bad considering I've been awake since 4!
I feel some dozing in the chair will be the order of the day.
Trying hard to eat healthily again today. Avocado, sweet corn, tomatoes, peppers, spring onions and lemon juice with a piece of salmon, and it was very nice.
Shame i had a hot chocolate and 2 biscuits after! But it was made with lacto free milk and no sugar. I just felt i needed something carb cos i felt a bit groggy. Whether it was down to lack of carbs, or steroid cut down, or chemo, or anxiety. Who knows? But i enjoyed it anyway.
I wonder what delight i can conjure up for dinner?

Nothing as healthy as lunch. Cottage pie with cabbage! Not too naughty tho. Then some berries, but with a little creme caramel. Very nice. Who needs chocolate?????

Well I don't want to overload you with all my excitement of the day, so i shall say goodbye. Not only that, Big Brothers on in a minute and i like having lots of regular 'tune in everyday' rubbish. It keeps my mind off my own problems.

TTFN !

7.6.14

Remind me to not hope for a good nights sleep again. I think i jinxed myself. Whether it was the thunderstorm or a bit of anxiety, I'm not sure. But of course things at night are far worse and i was telling myself my breathing was getting bad, and questioning whether my chest was tight! I think a frontal lobotomy would be good for me at the mo, to stop any of my mental wanderings and rantings. Trouble is, i don't know what is more important any more, what order do i do all these things.
Chemo, angiogram, lobotomy????
I spose, angiogram, chemo and then if i have any spare time, or energy maybe then i could fit in the lobotomy.
So because of a bad nights sleep, i feel a little under the weather. Once i have a doze i will feel chipper!
I have been good, healthy diet wise this morning. A bowl of fruit. But its not helping watching saturday kitchen live! I could just do with bacon, eggs, sausage, mushrooms, beans, tomatoes, fried bread (haven't had fried bread for years), toast and butter. But i shall decline any offer that is made with regard this and look forward to some other heavenly healthy meal at lunchtime. I have many items in my fridge with a low fat, low salt, low cal, aura about them. Yum! I better get used to it.
Im sure in time i will be used to all these changes in my life, and I'm thinking its all gonna make me a better, healthier person. All i need to do then is grow some hair!
The day, diet wise, has continued to be fairly good. But its been a very boring day. Its given me plenty of time to sit and think of my worries. Ive had enough now. Nothing more please!
Nothing more to report, so time to click on publish.

30.7.14

Haha its all over. Chemo finished. Ive recovered. Ive lost 6 stone and my hair is down my back and blonde and shiny. I can cast my hats and scarves into Room 101. Wonderful!
Sorry i did a bit of time travel to see how id feel by 30th july. It was amazing. Now back to reality.

6.6.14

Oh no. Here we are in June again. Feeling ok but got my appointment with Dr Talwar. Wonder what he will have to say. Do i wear a scarf so as not to cause him to go into atrial fibrillation, or bundle branch block?
No I'm gonna go baldy. Who cares? I have enough hair there to keep the bonce warm enough. I shall carry my trusty hat in my bag for just in case, or for when i walk from the car to the hospital so as not to catch the sun. I have to keep remembering that bit. I have to wear sunblock etc. so as not to get skin cancer. So many habits to break all at the same time. Its difficult remembering with chemo brain tho, or without it if I'm fair. My memory had been ruined by the menopause, chemo brain just adds to the problem, but in a very big way.
Appointment with Dr Talwar was interesting.
He's almost certain when i was admitted with chest infection 2 months ago, i was actually having a heart attack!
Im having angiogram on tuesday and he believes i will need a stent and nothing more. Fingers crossed he's right.
He was very nice. Made me feel comfortable, and i feel confident with him. Not looking forward to tuesday tho.
You would have thought the hospital would have realised i was having a heart attack wouldn't you? My 'chest infection' was non existent. I had no temp and no expectorating. Im amazed at that!
ANYONE WHO READS THIS PLEASE DO NOT COMMENT ON HEART ATTACK ON MY FB WALL AS SOME PEOPLE ARENT AWARE AS YET. THANK YOU.
So onto better news. It was lovely Linda's hubby's birthday today and so i was invited round for a BBQ. It was lovely. I really had a nice time. The food was nice, the company was lovely. Shattered now. Home and ready for bed.
So i shall say goodnight and hope for a good nights sleep. 

5.6.14

If you shake me i'll rattle. 6 tablets this morning. But i don't mind cos I'm feeling fairly good, a little dizzy if i move too quickly, but i class that as fairly good.
I had some lovely gifts yesterday when i got home from the hospital.
Linzi again gave me some chockies (don't tell my haematologist!) a book marker and a fridge magnet saying 'friends are like fancy chocolates, its whats inside that's special'. She's a sweetie. My little supportive angel. Its nice to have a special friend like her.

And these flowers, balloon (its sticking out above the flowers and just out of shot!), chockies (sorry Dr Jack, I'll eat them slowly!) a scented candle and some butterfly sticks to put in flowers or plants, were from my old friend Rochelle. I met Rocky when we were about 16 and lost contact after a few years. I tried looking for her on FB but she's not on there! But i found her again through a relatively new friend who lives in Israel, Sara. I mentioned to Sara that i new this person, Rochelle, many years ago and Sara squealed, 'I went to school with her, she's one of my best friends.' So Rocky and i are back in contact, and look at the lovely gift she's sent me. Bless her heart, she has her own health problems that she's dealing with admirably. Looking forward to seeing her soon.

Just had my appointment with the cardiologist. He showed me the scan and pointed out an area where the thickened wall of my left ventricle is thin. He says it looks like scar tissue. In fact he said it looked like id had a heart attack, but i replied with, i think id have known! He agreed. So it may be when i had a chest infection and was admitted to hospital a couple of months ago. It may have caused some inflammation and hence scar tissue. The thing that needs to be ruled out is coronary heart disease. Its everyones opinion this is not caused by the chemo, but maybe the chemo exacerbated it.

So......

I have been referred to an interventional cardiologist, appointment tomorrow morning, with another appointment next thursday for a coronary angiogram just to make sure i haven't got coronary artery disease. If i have they'll stick a stent in then and there. But hoping its not that.

It never rains but it pours! 

So i rang Dr Jack and hes shocked and surprised and said he thinks I've had enough to worry about without all this on top. 

My big worry is this. Do i fancy Dr C the cardiologist, more than Dr Jack? And will i fancy Dr Talwar tomorrow? Or should i leave them all well alone. I think they're all married!

You may be wondering why i call the cardiologist Dr C. If you've read all my recent blogs you will know its cos he embarrassed himself, bless him. He said something that no man should say to a woman, least of all a woman on steroids who is somewhat bloated! We did have a giggle about it tho. But i feel out of loyalty i shouldn't mention his name.

This evening however, he has excelled himself. I wore a scarf for my appointment and the room was very hot so i took the scarf off and he told me i looked nicer without the scarf. Sweet talker!

So thats all my news for today. Not good news, but hopefully not bad news either. Roll on thursday where i will get to find out what my problem is! 

4.6.14

Here we go.
Number 9 has arrived just in time to p*ss me off.
Lulled into a false sense of security by having 3 weeks between 8 and 9. I would have felt wonderful ish this last week if i hadn't been short of breath. Imagine 3 weeks after number 12!
Im writing this from my warm comfortable bed. The dogs are out with Lyn and I'm enjoying the peace before i wend my weary way to the Dorset Cancer Centre with me Linda. Catchy little name, isn't it? Known as DCC to its friends!
Lovely place with lovely people. A positive feel. So why do i feel nauseous as soon as i wake up on chemo day?
By 10 this evening i hope to be feeling a bit brighter, fingers crossed.
I'll come back to this later. Next time i write on here, i'll have 3 more to do.
The exciting thing........... Lorraine has her boobies out! I think she must have read my blog yesterday.
Later on in Gotham City......
I arrived home at 5 ish feeling remarkably good.
Chemo went well.
Had the new cardiac protectant drug and that went ok.
Linda massaged my feet for me again, which was lovely.
She said she wishes she could do the next four chemos instead of me! I wish she could too!
Not really, id hate to put anyone through this, least of all Linda. The nurse told me today the chemo I'm on is 'hard core'! Nice to know.
Dr Jack dropped by to see me.
Hes concerned about my lungs. The CT shows some damage to them. 'Ground glass' he called it to the top and bottom of left lung. He feels i did have a lung infection.  More lung function tests booked!
He's concerned but feels the need to carry on if i want to cure HL completely. He will keep an eye on me to make sure no, or little, damage is done whilst i carry on. He's adamant that i have the full 6 cycles with all the drugs, nothing omitted.
His argument.........if i don't cure it completely by stopping a dose or a cycle, if it comes back, i will need a more intensive chemo, and thats bound to make an even worse mess of my heart and lungs. It sounds completely logical and i had come to the same conclusion myself over the last couple of weeks.
I have noticed since the chemo today me inhaling makes me cough more! Not sure if that means when i finish chemo i will recover to a degree. Lets hope so.
Seeing the cardiologist tomorrow so hope he has some better news for me.
Got home feeling really good, surprisingly.
Lovely hug with Linda and then she was packed off home.
Went to bed after chatting with Sam, something I've never done before as I'm normally feeling rough.
Slept from about 6pm till 7pm, waking in time for Corrie!
Then i started to feel ill. Luckily it wasn't hideous and it lasted till about 9pm. I was feeling nauseous so Sam made me a wonderful dinner of toast and butter. I must say it has done the trick. He's like a medical whizz, my Sam. I should call him Papa Sam and make him wear a white hankie on his head or something to make him stand out like a medical enigma.
Anyway. Im not feeling 100% so i will leave you now. I will brush some toast crumbs out of the bed, and settle down for an evening of Escape to the Country and Fantasy Homes by the Sea. If nothing else, it will put me into a deep sleep!!!
Good night from Holby City.

3.6.14

The news on the TV is that there are 2 viruses, computer viruses. GOZeus and Cryptolocker. If you click on a link your computer will be taken over by a robot and it won't work properly. It monitors your data and uses it, i.e. bank details. You may find you 'spend' more money as its taken from your accounts.
OMG. I haven't had lymphoma, I've had GOZeus and Cryptolocker.
Im sure I've been taken over by a robot. My brain isn't working like it did before. Even Sam will tell you that. How did he put it?
'You irritate me when you say stupid things, and you say far more stupid things since you've had chemo!'
Its not chemo, its GOZeus!
My bank account has been getting lower. I blamed it on Statutory Sick Pay, but maybe its a pesky robot!
And i certainly don't work properly at the mo!
As an example, it just took me about 5 goes at spelling Statutory, and spellings always been my thing. Even for this sentence i got it wrong, and i was just copying it from above.
I need to be kept updated on a regular basis and keep on top of my antivirus protection.
So I'm hoping my friends will be 'updating' me on what they're up to every day, and I'm off to get some anti biotics to protect me from viruses!
Another strange thing I've noticed on TV....
Lorraine Kelly has started wearing high cut tops!!!
She always gets her boobies out, but now....... nothing. And those high cut tops don't suit her.

See the difference? Its so out of character for her. It was difficult to find a photo of her with a high cut top. There was about 30 low cut photos to every 1 high cut photo.

Never did i think id be putting photos of Lorraine Kelly on my blog! I blame the robot!

MRI. Oh what fun. The lovely Christine took me to the hospital. I got there in plenty of time and chatted with the others in the waiting room. The one whose hubby had been called through an hour and half before, and the one who's hubby had been called through hour and twenty minutes before and he was still sat in a gown in the next waiting room where the wife couldn't go. Absence makes the heart grow fonder apparently!

Then Linda arrived. Before i even went through to waiting room number 2. She rushed to get there cos she wanted me to know she was outside waiting for me! My own angel.

We could hear the scanners (theres 4 of them!) beeping and going, then suddenly, this loud regular beeping. The fire doors closed at the same time. All the staff walked around looking confused, but happy and smiling. 

Then a woman in blue, said, 'We're evacuating. You have to leave. Down to the left and out of the cafeteria doors.'

So we all traipsed to the cafeteria outdoor dining experience. 

I must say i was very tempted to go home and to say when asked, nobody told me where to go, and when to go back in doors.

Sat down and we were all ushered back in again.

'Its ok, it was just a drill. You can go back to your department.'

Got back to the MRI dept and the corridor was filled with smoke! These drills are so lifelike these days!

Apparently a kitchen fire.

Sat back down, although a different seat. One of the other patients had nicked my seat!

Then i was called in to waiting room number 2. Strangely enough Linda was allowed to come with me, the other 2 ladies had to wait outside for their hubbies.

I was given a strait jacket, sorry i mean a gown, and after sitting looking damned attractive in a grey gown and a colourful scarf on my head, i was taken into the electric chair, sorry i mean scan suite!

Cannula number 146 (thats what it feels like these days) was inserted by Jane, and i was laid out onto the table. Instructions given, i was inserted into the long tube, not the longest scanner, but long enough! I opened my eyes and realised how close the tube was to my face. I felt a bit dizzy and claustrophobic, so before Jane left the suite, i called her back. I told her i was panicking so she drew me back out and i got my breath before i was catapulted back in, eyes tightly shut.

I was fine then. Fines not quite the right word, but it will do for now. 

There was a constant noise which i thought was the radio to start with. A 'boom chick, boom chick' the whole time i was in the scanner. A bit like background music.

The beeping and clanging then commenced and in between i had a bit of Buble and Robbie Williams, and the constant instruction of, 'Breath in, breath out and hold. Breath normally.' Sometimes having to hold for quite a while which isn't easy for someone short of breath.

After what seemed like a lifetime, Jane returned and dragged me back out of my rabbit warren.

The dye was injected slowly so as to not make me feel a bit queer, and then i was tucked back in like a sausage in a roll.

More clanging, beeping, breath holding, easy listening songs, boom chicking for about 10 mins and Jane, my knight in shining armour, came to my rescue and set me free.

Cannula removed, gown thrown in the corner of the changing room and time to escape.

Hot footed it over to the Harbour Hospital in time for a hot chocolate before my pre chemo bloods.

Both feeling mighty hungry, Linda and I visited the golf course at Bear Wood and wolfed down a baguette and lime and lemonade.

A stressful day over and done with before a stressful day tomorrow.

Im now relaxing with the girls. 

Tune in tomorrow for more unusual observations!