What a night!
Its horrid how things always seem so bad at night. You seem to lose all your powers of sensibility, awareness or even sanity!
I woke, not sure what time. Maybe about 2am.
I was not short of breath. I did not have chest tightness. No pain in chest or down arm.
But i was clammy!
It was a warm night and i was clammy.
Im having a heart attack!!! Thats what i thought anyway.
Do i call for Sam? Do i dial 999?
Sensibility was dragged back, shouting and screaming at me.
I suppose this shows i haven't lost ALL my marbles with the menopause and chemo brain. I did neither of those 2 things. I reasoned with myself and tried to work it out.
No symptoms! A bit warm! A warm night! Man up!!!
Luckily, i dozed off at about 4am. And even more luckily I've awoken at 6am.
Night times. Who'd have them???
Off to see the GP today at 9am with a list as long as my arm, of questions and demands.
I got a prescription! That was it really. He couldn't tell me anything i wanted to know. It was all 'ask your oncologist or cardiologist!' I should add, he did say these things quite sympathetically, not as callously as it sounds.
So, food!
What a day for food. Im becoming a health food freak. I have a fridge full of low fat hummus, mackerel, salmon, chicken, veg galore, lo fat, lo sugar, dairy free puds to have with all the berries i have. I have omitted fat and salt. Im really missing the salt!
And mackerel, and it was sooooo tasty, avocado rocket salad with lemon juice, pitta and hummus for dinner.
Cupcake Jane has given me some ideas and a wonderful soup recipe that i will try soon cos it looks wonderful. She also gave me a few comforting words of advice which made me feel better.
I did lose 3 lbs yesterday, but it could have been the steroids decreasing??? But wouldn't it be nice if i could finish chemo and lose the one and half stone I've put on very easily, and even more. I could be a size zero! I could be a super model, albeit a bald one!
I will be on the cover of Vogue! I will be invited onto This Morning to talk of fashion and the smaller lady!! I think I'm getting carried away here.
Its weird. A word i use far too much. But since I'm worrying about the angiogram, I've not worried so much about the chemo. I know I've been through the better part of chemo this last week, the following week should be the 'symptom suffering' part, but i feel like its not that bad compared to my anxiety about tomorrow. Heart problems may have made chemo 9 disappear into the blue! Time will tell. I think after the angio i will be so relieved, i will feel happier. Thats the idea anyway.
Its funny how the mind works!
My lovely friend Debbie has tried her utmost to make me feel ok about tomorrow. She's worked in Coronary Care Unit forever. She said she'd rather have an angio than a filling at the dentist. And she said Dr Talwar is one of her favourites.
I think i should just man up. Many people have this done, and it saves many a life. And it should be over fairly quickly if I'm lucky.
Bring it on.
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