Looking forward to another lovely day today.
Everything feels positive to me today. I know i woke at 5am, but I'm feeling amazing!
I do have a mild steroid low, but so far, and lets hope it stays like this, its not too bad.
Im wondering what has changed my mindset?
Is it cos I've had a near catastrophic experience with my heart, which to be fair, is still not 'understood', but partially sorted?
Is it cos I'm on the 'home run' with regards the chemo?
Is it cos the fatigue is making me not give a sh*t about anything anymore?
Maybe its the light at the end of the tunnel?
All i know is, I'm looking forward to getting back on with where my life left off. A few tweaks along the way of course. To regain my fitness if i can, certainly lose some weight, hopefully stopping the steroids will make that an easier job than usual, to wash and iron all the clothes that i haven't been able to get into cos of the damned steroids, to clean the house (a job that has been ignored for 5 months other than the odd hoover and duster flick). Oh my god, the excitement that i feel knowing that soon i can return to life. Im so excited.
I don't know how long it will last, or why it happened, but the last couple of chemos have not been too bad.
I don't seem to have had such bad symptoms. I don't recall moaning about a tummy ache, or the drainpipe in the throat feeling. I didn't have a rigor. No nausea.
Ive not felt whizzo, but not felt dreadful either.
Long may it last.
So, to those negative people who told me at the beginning of my journey that i would get a 'build up' (of chemo and affects), things would get worse for me, id have very few good days. You were wrong! I can't imaging why you would say these things, but,
1) if you tell people they will feel bad, psychologically, they may well do,
2) if you have been affected like this in your experience, that sure don't mean everyone else will, and
3) you have no idea how i will feel during my chemo, nobody does till i get there, you are not an expert!
4) it puts a negative 'downer' on the start of the journey that really isn't helpful.
The main culprit, i also noticed, would put comments on the Hodgkins Lymphoma site and it would amaze me. A young person had commented that she may have to have a stem cell transplant and was worried about it. The 'culprit' replied. 'I had that done and its the worse thing you'll ever go through!'
Is it just me, or is that a crazy thing to tell someone?
I think maybe these type of people are after some kind of recognition of what they have been through. What a brave soldier they've been cos their experience was so bad. They have been brave soldiers, we all are, but its far nicer to tell a newbie 'these are my experiences, yours may well be different' than put the fear of god into him or her.
Im sorry. Im rambling!
Im gonna go and raid the kitchen. Its brekky time. I have a whole array of yoghurt type deserts in the fridge that Sam got me yesterday. Because I'm trying to eat healthily, and because dairy doesn't always do me any favours, Sam has brought me many many 'free from' style yogurts. Im dreading it!!!! And lets not forget the taste buds have gone AWOL.
Yep. As i suspected, zilch taste!
A visit to my friends house for a day of bleating, eating, and tweeting.
We bleated constantly. Im amazed how much we can talk, non stop.
The food was wonderful. We had rhubarb and raspberry tart with strawberries and yoghurt for afternoon tea. And then dinner was fillet steak, chips and salad, meringue, strawberries and cream. The steak just melted in the mouth.
The chef, who'd been awake since 4.30am, and had spent the day gardening, and entertaining me. I was given a few chores. Sweet pea picking, setting the table, cat stroking and helping with the liberation of 2 green finches that had become imprisoned in the fruit cage. I think i was the scarecrow!
The tweeting? Mary has a skill second to none! She knows her birds! She knows the birdsong too. So we had a walk to look for birds, and spent quite a while with the binos looking for nuthatches, swifts, house martins, and many other little treasures. Unfortunately the tawny owls weren't playing ball today, but we did see a buzzard.
All in all, a perfect day.
Now I'm home, and shattered, so I'm off to my pit.
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