6.3.14

I used to really enjoy my thursday night duty, cos when i woke in the morning, it was the start of the weekend for me. A time where i relaxed and saw my boyfriend, did some chores, maybe visited Chris, or other friends. Now its either a weekend of feeling not too good, or a weekend knowing I'm having my next chemo in a few days.
Its amazing how a few weeks have changed everything.
What i need to do now is to find the positivity that i had to start with. I was keen for number one, and number 2, but since 2 and 3 have caused me to be ill, i now have a feeling of impending doom.
But...... i don't need to do it if i don't want to, i can say, no more.
Thats not really an option tho, is it?
So i have to make the most of it.
I need to remind myself that i may feel grotty for a few days, and tired for a few more and then more of a recovery for a week, but its to return myself to health. To rid myself of the cancer.
I need to remind myself that some people are suffering far more than i am. And younger people too. They should be out with their friends, enjoying their youth, like i did.
And i need to remind myself that if i had lymphoma years ago, before CT scans and PET scans, my treatment would have been far worse. A laparotomy to remove my spleen, and a huge wedge biopsy of my liver. Then i would need to recover from the surgery before having chemo.
So...... im gonna try. If all the millions of other people can go through it, so can i.
And for number 4, i think ill be having more steroids to help me through it. Which the downside means i won't be able to sleep as well as i normally do, but i will be back to eating whatever looks like it has a lot of calories in it! Theres always a silver lining!
And in a few months, all being well, and fingers crossed, the chemo will be over, and i can start to get back to my normal self, whatever that was!
So i apologise if i repeat myself in the coming few blogs, but i need to remind myself of my newly found positivity.