24.4.14

By now i should be feeling better! But I'm not. I don't understand it. Usually week 1 I'm rough and week 2 I'm better. This time its been the other way round. How strange!
Today I've cried. Well, this afternoon really. I think its the steroid 'low' cos theres no real reason for it, except for feeling sorry for myself. But i think i had the steroid 'low' the other day? Two steroid 'low' days? Things are really different this time.
Like i said before, just when you think you know where you are, it changes.
Im headachy still, and very mildly nauseous. Ive had enough at the mo. Im trying to think of ways that i can stop having chemo. But of course, theres no way. Except for a miracle.
'We read your scans wrong. You are a grade 1A so we can stop chemo now!'
How wonderful would that be.
I was told at the beginning that it had only just slightly spread so i was only going to have 3 cycles (6 doses). That would have been done now. All finished. But of course, it had spread more so i have to have 6 cycles.
How about if i promise to eat healthily, exercise, never eat chocolate, and be nice to people?
Could i stop chemo now?
I have to face facts. Ive got another 6 doses, another 11 weeks.
I should stop whinging and get on with it. After all, there are people worse off than me.
I see that brave young man Stephen Sutton is still fighting his fight. Puts me to shame.
On to something lighter.
I went to collect my car today. The alarm kept going off and they decided it was the boot latch causing the problem. And there were a few 'chips' needing painting, as agreed when i brought the car about 3 months ago.
I put a bit of pressure on them. I told them i was having chemo and only had a few days when i felt well enough to do my chores, or to enjoy my time and go out. Completely true, not a lie.
They've had the car since tuesday morning. Today is thursday and they probably would have kept it another day if i hadn't had put pressure on.
So i went to collect the car with Sam and his mate, Matt.
The boss was called as they handed me the keys.
'We haven't done the paint job! We didn't know exactly what you wanted painting! We think it may be the door edges?'
You'd have thought they would be in possession of a telephone in this day and age. Its a piece of equipment where you can 'call' the person concerned and ask them a question!
A miscommunication was blamed. Nigels name was mentioned! He hadn't written it in the notes, which I'm not surprised at.
I had a moan, Sam had a bigger moan.
So what they're gonna do, is collect the car next week from my home, paint the agreed areas, door edges and 'chips' at the back by the boot (getting more painted than i was expecting!), clean the car, put in some petrol (i hope they realise its a diesel engine!) and return it to my home.
Cant ask for better than that really.
Called round to see Linda for a quick cup of tea this afternoon. Sat in the garden in the sun with my hat on.
I grizzled and grizzled!
'I just wanna feel good again.'
She puts up with a lot from me. She has enough other problems without me dragging her down.
Then back home for Jenni's visit.
She showed me the article in the Echo of her 'haircut' for Cancer Research.
Grizzled a bit more!
So she laughed at me and took a photo of me in my silly hat.
I think i recovered from my steroid 'low' then.
Been a brave girl since. Watched Eastenders without crying!
I shall take myself off to bed now and hope the rats keep the noise down this evening.
So its goodnight from a happier, but very thirsty (why am i always thirsty at night time?) me.