19.2.14

Part 2

He sent me a message after hours of waiting.

Hi jilly read all what you have written and again it makes me sad  that you said you love me, please dont say that, i dont think i want to ever love again, i know what your saying and it makes me feel worse not better.
I am sorry its turned out like this but i know its for the best i cant give you the things you want and need.
I hope your not feeling too bad after your treatment, but try and forget me I am not worth it, I am cold and unloving inside
I want my wife back and it isnt ever going to happen, and like i said to you before it isnt fair to you telling you how i feel about my wife
Dont fight for me I am not worth it

How sad. He's in a dreadful place and i feel for him, but theres nothing i can do to help him. I just hope he finds some peace. I would wait for him, but i don't think he'd ever come back to me, he would probably feel to guilty for letting me down. He doesn't feel that way now cos he's in his own little snake pit of depression. But when he comes out the other side, he'll have guilt. Poor poor man.

On the positive side......
I decided to go back on the dating website to take my mind off my pain. I thought no one is gonna want to date a baldie (I'm not yet, but it seems imminent).
The first person i saw was a man i chatted to last year. We messaged each other a few times but that was all.
He is in remission from a blood cancer!!! Snap.
Started chatting and meeting him for coffee tomorrow. Who knows what will happen from this, but I'm not thinking about that. It will be nice to have a coffee and chat.

Off to bed. I need my beauty sleep.