29.1.14

I didn't wanna do this!
This is my blog - someone going through the battle of fighting cancer. I wanted it to be positive and fun so that anyone else that finds themselves in the same situation as me would feel positive and see it can be ok.
I feel i would be doing a disservice to everyone if i didn't tell them about how I'm feeling today.
Shit! Excuse the french but thats how i feel.
Yesterday i felt rotten from the chemo, last night i slept better and woke feeling a bit more upbeat. I came home from work this morning and all was well. I walked the dogs, fed them. And then i cooked myself bacon, beans and scrambled eggs. Damn you hunger making steroids!!!
Sat and played games on my laptop before heading upstairs for a bath and hair wash before seeing me Linda. Then it hit me! What hit me exactly I'm not sure, but i cried, and i cried. I stopped and then started again. For no reason that i was aware of, it wasn't even about the war going on in my body.
I got in the bath and cried a bit more. The landline rang and someone left a message so i got out and went to investigate. It was the PET scan department booking in my scan after my 4th dose of chemo. 26th March. I'll only have 8 more doses after that!
Im ok now, i think. I went on the HL support site on FB and typed in 'is it normal to be tearful at this stage?' A barrage of responses came shooting in offering advice, sympathy, even a video of Lizzie singing 'These boots are made for kicking'. What a wonderful bunch of people. They're like snipers waiting to shoot any negativity away.
So what does this prove? It proves that no matter how strong I am, how positive I am, I am allowed to feel down, to cry. Im human. An if anyone reads this, and if anyone is going through a similar battle, its ok, and it is gonna happen. They don't all describe it as a roller coaster for nothing.
Im gonna go kick some ass now! Im gonna have lunch (have you noticed, food is mentioned quite often!), and then me Linda is round for a cup of tea and piece of cake. And I'm gonna fill my head with my usual positivity!
See ya later