23.2.16

Its here, its here. Im feeling rather queer!
Its 6.55  and I'm sat in bed with a black coffee and I'm about to make another one cos I'm NBM at 7.15. Always the one to use my time wisely!
I have 2 hours until Lyn comes to collect me to take me to the hospital. What if i didn't answer the door to her? Bugger, she has a key. What if i hide under the bed? She will find me cos of the smell of fear that I'm giving off!
Yes, I'm pooping myself! The chemo is one thing, but the Hickman line (or Kickman line as i like to call it)  is something else. Ive heard some bad stories, but I've heard more ok stories so i should man up! Not forgetting i do have a valium tab i can pop half an hour before.
Actually, I'm fully aware my fear is unfounded. Its the fear of the unknown. Why does our brain do this to us?  I suppose its the fight or flight thing. Adrenaline is pumped round your body to ensure you have the balls to fight off the demon, or run. Maybe i should start running now. All the procedures I've ever had on my cancer journey have been ok so far.  On a scale of 1  - 10, 10 being hideous, and 1 being nothing to worry about, all of them have been below 3. The chemo  certainly had its moments when it hit 6 or 7, but then it may have been higher. I think its like child birth...you tend to forget how awful it was.
Ooh. I have 4 minutes to drink my coffee, but its too hot and i can't be bothered to get up and add some cold water! I'd rather scald my mouth!