6.11.14

Ive joined another Hodgkins lymphoma site on FB. Its a nationwide one, but mostly USA!! Its amazing the difference in the UK and USA site. Firstly there are far more people on the USA site which is as expected. But i notice a lot of them say the same thing regardless of the fact that 5 people before have already said it! I know why that happens! People want to have their say. They've all been through a tough time and they like to pass on their knowledge to help people.
They don't seem to respond to anything i write on there, which is different to the UK site. Maybe cos there are soooo many comments? There are so many of them and they are scattered over a huge country, unlike the UK site. Today tho, i have made friends with a nice lady who has, or should i say had, the same lymphoma as me. She was worried our type was more difficult to cure.  I don't know for sure, but I've not heard its more difficult.
Ive been thinking about the effect having cancer has had. Not the bit about it could come back or i may get a secondary cancer. The fact that its 'with me'. Whether its because its all fairly recent, it crosses my mind often. Not in a bad, frightened way. More of a 'wow, did that happen' way. Or 'what a flipping pain it is'! Reading comments on the UK and USA lymphoma site, I'm not alone. Its like an underlying black cloud, but not necessarily a black cloud. Just a cloud. Although some peoples clouds are positively jet black. Maybe its because when i stand up my ankles ache and i waddle like a duck for the first minute or so until i loosen up a bit. Or this cough. Sam keeps shouting 'silence' at me when i start to cough! As a joke i might add, but we all know how annoying it is when someone keeps coughing! Maybe thats what keeps it at the front of my mind. I can't get back to normal, no matter how hard i try. And i have a feeling my symptoms will come and go, maybe forever, i don't know. But my cough has disappeared a couple of times. My tender fingertips aren't always there, and neither is my sore feet when i wear shoes.
Maybe i should become a hippy or be like Anita Shaw who went bare footed. I could wear a bandanna and say cosmic a lot.
I should start smoking weed. It would be acceptable to cough a lot and it would be easily accessible with 'him next door' being a purveyor of the goods.
Isn't it funny the things you think of? Tonight at work I've been knitting myself a scarf. One of the needles caught the fibres, splitting it, and it reminded me of when i was in juniors school. I must have been about 10. The headmaster told a story in assembly of a man who unpicked the jumper that his wife had knitted for him. She had knitted it so well and never split the fibres so when he was stuck on top of a huge chimney when the ladder had fallen away, he was able to use the wool to lower himself to the ground safely!
The moral of the story being, do a good job and you will be rewarded.
Knowing my luck there would be a frost and due to me not having a jumper, i would die of hypothermia!