1.1.15

Theres nothing worse than seeing friends on Facebook  having a fun time when you're not!
Before chemo i had quite a good social life, since chemo, nobody invites me any where! Isn't it weird how that happens? Maybe its cos they don't know what to say, where in reality, they don't need to say anything.
Luckily i booked work cos i knew i would be sat indoors twiddling my thumbs watching nothing good on TV.
Luckily by the time i finish work tomorrow morning, it will all be over and i can continue to be a misfit without the fear of a bank holiday party for my friends for a while. Don't get me wrong, i don't wish to ruin their fun, i just don't understand why I'm excluded these days.
I seem to be enveloped with fatigue at the mo. I do push myself to do chores that don't really need to be done, so I am trying.
I hoped to start swimming this week. I feel if i swim/exercise, things can only get better! My only worry is how much water will be left in the pool when i get out!!
And I'm worried as to whether i can get to the pool, let alone swim in it. Not because i don't know the directions, i must add, but cos of the fatigue.
Finances are a problem too. Ive been on 6 months of sick pay and I'm not happy to pay £4.40 for a swim, if all i can do is 10 minutes of splashing about!
Whinge whinge whinge!!!
This is turning into a very negative blog, which I'm surprised at. I finished chemo 5-6 months ago. I thought by now id be back to normal. Dr Jack told me id be back to normal by 3 months (i think). Linda told me today, he had said 6 weeks!!! He's is being sectioned as we speak!
I went for my doctors referral for exercise to the leisure centre today.
It cost me £10 to have my induction!!! I thought this referral was spotted to save me money!!
I stayed for a swim. It should cost £4.40 but with the referral, or the life saver/money saver as i like to sarcastically call it, i paid £2.60.
So 10 minutes in the pool, 6 lengths and I'm lighter. Not in pounds and ounces, pounds and pennies, £12.60's worth!
So if i continue with swimming, 3 times a week, it will cost me £31.20 for 4 weeks. £31.20 for 2 hours swimming, unless i find some strength to stay in there longer, which i hope to do.
But what i did find out.....if i pay £25 per month for a year, i can use the pool, gym (not bloody likely), and attend classes (for when i get some strength, motivation and inclination) whenever i like!
I feel really disappointed. The doctors referral is supposed to help people like me to return to health and fitness, with a concession cos we're special! In reality, you certainly get it cheaper if you do pay as you go, but there is a cheaper option but you have to sign up for a whole year of £25 pm.
Why did i ever think i would get something that was specially there to benefit me, and people like me?
So, 10 minutes of splashing about, and a beach walk with Linda and the doggies.
Drove to Mudeford and let the dogs out. Loki is a nightmare. He just runs off wherever he wants to. No amount of calling him makes any difference. He will be on the extendable lead next time. Ruby and Dottie 'play fought' all over the beach, almost tripping Linda and i up more than once. Ruby decided she was gonna yap at any other dog, and she did. Loki decided to do a poo, and not wishing to lower the tone with toilet talk, a bit was hanging from his little bumbum. Having no tissues on me, i used a receipt that was in the bottom of my bag. It didn't work, it just made a mess. I ended up in the sea holding onto my poor baby and rinsing his botty off.
Needless to say, it wasn't a nice relaxing walk, it was stressful.
We returned home for a coffee instead of the coffee shop on the beach. Next time i go for a dog walk to the beach, i will leave the dogs at home!
A bit of titivating of the hair, a smear of lippy, and a whiff of perfume and i was ready for my hot date, which i haven't mentioned yet.
Yes i have a hot date this evening with Jeremy. He seems quite humourous, and bright. He's balding =  virile. He does fund raising = kind. He wears glasses = vision problems and therefore may not notice i am fat and balding myself!
They say things come in threes.
1. trip to leisure centre was a disappointment.
2. beach walk with the dogs was a disappointment.
3. hot date was a disappointment.
He was very pleasant and interesting. But just not my type. Not that i have a type. I do tend to like haematologists though!
Lets hope tomorrow won't be a disappointment.