22.10.15

Hello I'm back from my holiday. It was lovely. So warm, with blue skies. A bit chilly in the pool but i splashed about most days whilst squealing with the cold. I was treated like a princess. Lots to eat and drink. Lots of excursions. Kevin and Marion are lovely people, so caring and thoughtful and generous and i could go on forever.
But I'm back now. Back to reality.
And so i wait........
I wait and i wait......
Waiting to hear something about the MDT meeting that was on friday.
Home on sunday, nothing monday, nothing tuesday.
Wednesday i rang Dr Jacks secretary. She's not had the referral she was waiting for!
I telephone the GP and they sent the referral on the 7th......... to the wrong hospital!
To cut a long story short, referral was received today.
Im not worried. Dr Jack said it was nothing, just enlarged glands. And my raised ESR is nothing particular, even tho its the highest its ever been recorded for me.
So just before i left home for work, Dr Jack rang. He asked about my holiday, we discussed Sangria and Prosecco, midges and my bitten to pieces ankles!
Then down to business.
The glands are small, too small to biopsy, but there are quite a few and they are newly enlarged! Worry.
They are in the similar area to my previous lymphoma.
Worry.
They are along my spine, and surrounding major blood vessels which makes it difficult to biopsy.
Worry.
So we're gonna wait 4 weeks or so for them to get bigger, then we're gonna CT scan me and whilst I'm in the scanner, the radiographer is gonna attempt a biopsy cos he/she can see where the needle is going as its gotta go through muscle etc (and probably a bit of fat too! although this news has made me lose my appetite and the diet is going well!)
Worry.
Although there is a chance by the time I'm scanned it could have cleared up and done one!
Wonder what the likelihood of that is? Wonder what the chance is that this 'blip' is nothing but a freaky moment?
Right now I'm fearing the worst. And I'm fearing a stem cell transplant after high intensity chemo to kill my immunity!
To say I'm scared is an understatement. Im watching Live at the Apollo and every so often i laugh at a funny bit....then i remember and feel sick again.
Luckily i have the Lymphoma Support group there to give me support and a few virtual hugs. And my boys and Chloe have been very sweet, even Chris, considering i told him the cells from the first born are usually the best match for a stem cell transplant! And then i have a few friends that are trying to keep me positive. And of course, Dr Jack.
So, onwards and upwards. I hope to god its all a storm in a teacup, but what will be, will be. Que sera sera. C'est la vie. Just one thing........please leave me with hair this time!!