16.2.14

Good Afternoon.
Its a beautiful day.
I have walked the doggies, and I've been to me Lindas for a cuppa tea. I love it that she thrusts bickies, choccy and other goodies on me when I'm round there. Ive been offered soup and cheese on toast today as well.
Ive also been offered roast chicken from Linzi and Simon today but I've given it a miss cos its week one. Week one is when I'm feeling wishy washy and no energy to do anything, so i declined. But so nice of them to offer.
The reason i went to me Lindas house was cos her little darling Kerrie was looking at my PET scan disc (the scan i had on the 22nd january) on her laptop. It wouldn't open on my Macbook.
Wow, it was amazing. I make out where the cancer is, but its there somewhere. I would put a pic on here but unfortunately i wasn't smiling when they took the snap! I didn't breath in either!
I had a bath and washed my hair when i got home. Why comment on that, i bet you're wondering? Well the last few days I've found my hair running for the hills, and i was worried about blocking the plug hole. But I've done it. Combed my hair very very well, removing any strays before i got in the bath, and there were plenty of strays! So the hair i have left is thinner and smelling sweetly of coconut. I hope i don't start to look like a coconut soon!
Now I'm chilling, again.
Its week two on tuesday and I'm surprised I'm feeling good already. Don't feel so wishy washy any more.
And my dinner is nearly ready - Saucisses de porc à la tomate.  Yes pork sausages with ketchup. Another one of my cravings.  Im easily pleased.

15.2.14

Just a quickie today cos Sams on his way back from the supermarket with lots of goodies that i may or may not fancy over the following week.
Ready salted crisps, curry ( was gonna make my own using a sauce and chicken and rice, but don't have the energy so it will be microwavable, sad isn't it?), ice cream, some popcorn of the sweet variety for during The Voice this evening, cheese, a cadburys creme egg,  and a white towelling turban so i don't have to tie my hair up (not a good idea if hair loss is imminent) when i get in the bath. This is the excitement of the day.
I have managed to walk the doggies today.  The reason i have omitted this chore a few times during the week is not cos of my health, but cos of the weather.
I am still feeling a little wishy washy but I'm hoping for a great improvement very soon.
I have noticed however a fair amount of hair on my lap after i have combed it in the mornings and sadly i can report my eyelashes look a little thin on the ground, or even on my face!
Oh just heard his car door.
Catch you later.

14.2.14

Happy Valentines Day!!

Not feeling the love today. I can't say i feel awful physically, although i have just taken headache pills, and my teeth and mouth seem to be aching. And worse still, i have a horrid taste in my mouth, that even a huge box of Valentines chocolates wouldn't help, if id been given some of course!
And even despite me taking extra precautions, the constipation has arrived wearing her best hat!
I have however, received a nice card from the boyfriend, and some flowers from Lyn and daffodillies from Linzi.
Lyn visited me this morning armed with flowers, antibacterial hand gel and some laxatives! Bless her. She enjoyed a cup of tea whilst i settled for a cup of boiling water cos tea just don't taste like tea anymore.
And poor Linzi is suffering from a nasty bug so has kept her distance, other than to leave a basket full of daffies.  That girls got a good heart. Get well soon Linzi.
The other exciting thing i have to mention today........
I have received the forms to attend a drivers awareness course! Yes I've been flashed. It was the day after my first chemo. I was driving to work in the evening and i was feeling nauseous and felt the need to get to work quickly! I was allegedly driving 36 in a 30mph zone.
Now i know its not a good idea to speed, but when you feel sick, its almost like a reflex that your foot goes down heavier on the gas.
You may wonder why I'm working if I'm feeling sick, let alone working after chemo. The reason is.... if i don't work i get statutory sick pay which is approx. £60 pw. Cancer and in debt,  i don't think so!!!
It says on the awareness course forms to state dates you cannot make the course. The space they left for the answer is no where big enough. One week in every fortnight I'm out of action, the following week i do 3 nights. I had to telephone to mention it and actually, to be fair, they were very helpful. Im not sure how they will react when i rock up with a bald head and vomit bowl tho!

13.2.14

Good afternoon from Mrs Intolerant.
Thats the thing I've really noticed since having this flipping lymphoma. Im so intolerant. I can't say i was 100% tolerant before, but I've got a darn sight worse.
For example, on the car radio. If the dj is rabbeting on about something, i feel the need to swap channels, and when they repeat the same thing over and over........ i could murder!
Oh and when you see people being interviewed on the TV and they laugh for no reason.......
'So how long have you lived on the flood plains?'
'I moved here about 5 years ago, hahahahahaha.'
Why laugh?
In fact I'm intolerant about loads of stuff at the mo. The Kleeneze man called for the catalogue that he put through my door last week. Ive lived here for 9 months. Ive never ordered anything, yet he still gives me a catalogue. Sam actually threw it in the bin earlier this week!
Well i was in bed, being intolerant towards some chavs on Jeremy Kyle, and the door bell went. I rushed down stairs, nearly tripping over the dogs and opened the door to Mr Kleeneze.
'Ive come for the catalogue.'
I think the look i gave him was enough. He backed off saying, 'thats fine' when i almost shouted, 'I have no idea.......'
I think he'll think twice about calling at Number 65 again.
And of course, the nations hate........
The phone rings. You pick it up. 'Have you been missold a PPI?'
And theres always the lunatics on the road. Do you know, the other night on my way to work, the safety conscious driver in front of me actually stopped at a traffic light whilst it was still green! I know you have to think ahead, but thats ridiculous.
I know i hadn't been diagnosed with lymphoma at the time, but the door bell went, i rushed downstairs, barefoot,  treading in a dog poo on the way (bless the little puppy), limped to the front door and opened it a crack so the dog couldn't escape, to find a suited gentleman standing there with a copy of the Watchtower in his hand.
He smiled warmly. 'Can i ask you? Is Jesus relevant today?'
As i held my festering foot aloft, i heard myself say, 'Really? Absolutely not.' And again, a look to wilt a dandelion. And I wanted to say, 'unless he has a packet of wet wipes!'
I think I'm more intolerant on my first week of treatment, the second i tend to chill out a bit and don't get too phased by situations.
So today how do i feel? Other than intolerant!
I feel tired and weary. I have no appetite. A horrid taste in my mouth all the time. And very slightly headachy.
I look forward to tomorrow with the chance of feeling brighter.
Speak to you soon.

12.2.14

Oh woe is me!
I had chemo number 2 yesterday. It went so well. Had roast chicken for lunch, lots of giggles with me Linda. A different nurse, Liz and she was equally as good as the last one. They're so helpful and make you feel so positive about it all. Wonderful people.

I finished the chemo at 1.30 and had to wait till 3 for my injection to stimulate my bone marrow to make more white cells as my count was low. So, we decided to walk into Poole to the health shop to get some special shampoo and conditioner. Apparently its best to have Ph balanced shampoo without harsh chemicals, and don't wash your hair so much, don't rub your hair or do anything stressful to it. I also bought some clothes etc and had a cup of tea and cakey in Marks and Spencers.

On the way back to the hospital i started to feel tired and realised i had maybe over done it a little. By the time i got back to the ward, i felt washed out. 

Had my jab and was ready for home. I did feel remarkably exhausted and was keen to get home and relax.

At home I refilled my hot water bottle, and sat on my chair with my blanky (how old am i?). Tv on the bakery programme. But i couldn't settle. I was shivering and shaking. I remember Liz telling me i was having hydrocortisone which stops the fluey feeling that one of the chemo drugs can give. It obviously wasn't working. 

I then realised i was feeling nauseous. More than anything, i don't like that feeling. I dashed to the loo and was really sick. Looks like the anti-emetic hadn't worked either. 

I thought id better ring the cancer hotline. This is specially for chemo patients if they have any worries at all. The nurses tell you this over and over so you know you always have some support.       I spoke to a nice male nurse, and gave him the whole story. Anyone who knows me, knows i can't just give a brief outline. I have to tell the whole story including the pattern on the curtains!!! He advised me to take 2 of the anti-emetic tablets and if i continued to vomit i could expect a visit from a district nurse who would give me a jab. 

After half an hour i started to feel better. I was even joking with my friend Mary (also a district nurse) when she phoned to ask how i was feeling.

Onwards and upwards. I started to feel a lot better, although still exhausted. The shivering had stopped. 

I decided i ought to take my temperature. If i have a temp, i have to phone the hotline and theres a possibility i would have to stay in hospital and have antibiotics. It was 37.5. I was advised to ring the hotline. Spoke to a nice nurse who said if it spiked to 38 to ring again and i would have to go in to the hospital to be treated.

Took it 15 mins later and it was 36.7. 10 mins later 37.5. The thermometer was bleeping and going, and i was feeling there was a problem with it. I noticed last time i used it it seemed to be inaccurate.  What should i do now? My thermometer seems to be broken. I need to get treatment if temp goes up. It seemed to me the logical thing was to call in to the hospital and get my temp taken so i could either be treated or go home to bed and buy a new thermometer the next day.

I rang the hotline and left a message telling her the 'whole' story, and waited for a reply. Nothing. Now i know they're busy, so i waited a while. The message on the hotline says if we don't get back to you, try again, and if we still don't get back to you, ring the ward. So i rang the hotline again and apologised for ringing again but wondered if i could come in and have my temperature taken. No reply. So i rang the ward and spoke to a lady who didn't seem to know what to suggest other than take your temp in half an hour. I pointed out, again, my thermometer is broken. She went off to speak to somebody else and came back to me. I can't remember exactly what she advised but i had an answer for it and she went off to ask advice again. Then the 'somebody' she was getting her advice from came on the line and said abruptly, 'Can i help you?' I told her my story and realised it was the nurse who advised me to ring when my temp reached 38. 

'I told you to ring when your temp was 38, 37.5 is fine.' 

I explained the broken thermometer. 

'Well buy a new one then!'

It was 10.30pm, where would i get one?

'They sell them everywhere. Even Tescos. We can't come to your house to take you temperature!'

I replied that i hadn't asked for that.

'We are a ward here and if i have to keep talking to you i can't be looking after my patients!' or words to that effect.

I replied, 'I'm aware of that, i used to be a nurse myself. I was just asking if maybe i should come in and have my temperature taken so i can either go to bed or be treated.'

'You don't want to come here unless absolutely necessary because we have bugs here!'

'So if my temp was 38, what would happen?'

'You'd have to come in to be treated. You're obviously panicking about this and getting yourself in a state!'

'No, I'm not panicking, or even upset, i just wondered whether i should have my temperature taken as I've been advised its dangerous to get an infection and not treat it! But don't worry, i will send my son out to buy a new thermometer and i will wait until it is 38. Im sorry you feel I'm wasting your time, but i was told i should ring this number if i had any queries.'

'Yes you should, but I've already given you advice and told you to wait till your temperature is 38.

Do you feel unwell?'

'Not so much now, although i do feel hot and flushed. Ive been sick and I've been very shivery, so much so that i was unable to dial the number on the phone when i rang in earlier.'

'Oh you've had a rigor? And you vomited? You never told me you had a rigor!'

To be fair, I've forgotten what I've told whom at that stage. But i know i told the male nurse when i first rang in. So it should be on my notes.

'Don't worry, I will go and buy a new thermometer, don't worry about it.' At this time i was frustrated, amazed at her treatment of me, surprised that she was thinking i wanted her to come to my house to take my temperature, and a whole load of other stuff going round my head. I was gobsmacked.

'No, no, no. I think you need to speak to a doctor!!!'

She then softened and became very pleasant and warm. She commented on my thermometer, 'Oh so you bought a posh digital one and it still doesn't work?' She was my buddy all of a sudden.

The doctor rang me at 12.15am.  He asked me what had been going on. My temp was stable at 37.5 so he said i should be ok and not to worry, but if i had any worries - yes you got it - RING THE HOTLINE! I told him i felt unable to do this and explained what had happened this evening. He said he was very upset to hear this and i am not a paranoid nuisance and i can ring the number whenever i like and not to let anyone make me feel like I'm wasting their time.

Since then i slept really well and feel a lot better this morning. My temp is 36.7. And all is well with the world.

Im shocked by it all. I feel I've been let down by the hotline. I could have done without all of that rubbish.

All i wanted was my temperature taken!

10.2.14

Been to see my new friend Nigel today. Yes, the same gorgeous, dark skinned, hot, Nigel, with the very tight trousers showing off his beautifully firm thighs. You remember, the one who sold me a car the other day.
I had to have my bloods taken this morning ready for chemo tomorrow. Chemo number 2 of 12. So on the way back i arranged to collect my new car, FiFi.
My side kick, Linda, came along with me, as she's done all along through my examinations and treatments so far. We pulled up at the garage, both quiet and pensive as we awaited our appointment with Nigel. Why do i sigh every time i say, 'Nigel'?
We walked towards his desk, and as soon as he saw me, his face lit up. He has a smile that makes you feel like you are the only person in his life. Yes a very good salesman!!!
We sat opposite the desk as he carried on with the paperwork. Linda and I both sat quietly watching his full lips, his sparkling eyes. Occasionally he would get up from his desk. Both of our hearts raced.  I watched as he walked away. His thighs bulging in his tightly fitting trousers, Linda commenting on the size of his feet!!! And then he was back, smiling, eyes twinkling again.
The deal was done.
He walked me to the car and i gasped at her beauty. She's so pretty.
"Do you have your phone?" he purred at me. "Lets get into FiFi (yes, he called her FiFi!!!) and do some connecting!"
Oh my lord. Me in the drivers seat, Nigel in the passenger seat. He made comments about my lovely picture of the valentines day cookies i made on saturday. "They look gorgeous."
I wonder if i should make him some?
"There. We've bonded," he said as he gave me one of his smiles and looked into my eyes. "Do you think we should get married then?" I asked. "I think we should," he replied.
He showed me how to use the address book on my phone. "Is my number on there?" he twinkled.
He showed me what all the buttons and switches were for and asked if that was all ok?
"No" i replied. "I think you should stay with me!"
"In the back of the car for if you ever need me?"
Meanwhile, Linda was outside of the car, looking very envious.
He leant over and very gently brushed his full lips against my quivering lips.......
Actually that bit never happened, but it did in my head!!
He disappeared from my life and Linda and I drove out of the garage, homeward bound.
Ive told Linda he had his hand on my knee, she's gutted!!
Anyway, down to reality. Ive got Chemo number 2. It sounds a bit like a song and dance, Mambo number 5, but i can assure you there will be no singing or dancing tomorrow.
Tonight however, is RockChoir night. I can't wait. Ive missed 2 weeks. Tonight were singing Mr Blue Sky, which should be quite cheerful. I really can't wait.
Then bed ready for a full on day tomorrow of cannulas, steroids, anti-emetics, and poisons.
Let the cycle begin again!

9.2.14

Good sunny morning to you.
Still very windy, it blew a hoolie all night. But its not raining......at the moment anyway.
Decided this fine day to take the dogs for a walk before languishing in a hot bath. I found my mud splattered, dog walking clothes that id hidden in the wardrobe whilst the boyfriend was visiting, and stood in the patch of sunlight that shone through my window, enjoying the warmth on my skin. The sun reflected off the mirrored wardrobe doors giving me a double whammy of 'summer feeling'.
Oh holy mother of Mary! I hadn't noticed before now. A huge tarantula stood there in pink underwear, staring at me, open mouthed, shocked and disgusted. The hairs on her legs sticking out menacingly, like a cactus. The sun dancing on the hairs provocatively, shouting 'its summer, get your kit off!' Then i realised, this was no tarantula, it was me.
I have been told I'm not to have any hair removal treatments whilst having chemo. Ripping hairs out of my pores potentially leaves me open to bacteria which could make me ill whilst i have very few, if any, white cells to fight for me. My only option is to shave, or wait for the chemo to kick in and kill my hair follicles and hope they kill the ones on my legs, bikini line and underarm.
I could wait forever for the chemo to do its best on them, and shaving will leave me feeling like Desperate Dans chin. I think i shall leave well alone and wear leggings!