22.12.15

Ive had a funny tummy all weekend. The GP thinks i picked something up from hospital - nice.
At least i may lose some weight!
No, not a pound.
So, days pass by and i wait, and i wait.
I should hear soon, shouldn't I?
This is like waiting for Christmas!
So this morning the phone rang. It was my GP who id had a phone appointment with yesterday about my 'superbug experience', if thats what it is. Bliddy feels like it! She ordered a specimen! Thats gonna be fun getting that. I just asked if my results were in and she wasn't even aware i had an op cos i haven't delivered my hospital letter at the surgery yet!
So i explain, and i tell her of the treatment thats been discussed etc. She's a lovely lady. Im very lucky to have 2 very nice GP's. If we could just stop the locums who visit and give the oddest advice, like, 'just stop your heart tabs if you think they give you a bad back!' or, 'you are itchy in your axilla area cos you didn't dry yourself properly!' Little gems of wisdom.
Anyway, i digress. So no, she didn't have my results on monday.
But here she is phoning me tuesday morning???
'Im ringing to make sure you have a wonderful Christmas.'
Puzzled!!!
'I have your histology results!'
My mouth went dry and pulse quickened. Did she mean the specimen that i delivered that morning? Already?
'The 2 lymph glands removed were examined and seen to be reactive lymph nodes, no malignancy found......'
I can't completely remember my response.... but there were tears, there was an 'i don't believe it', a 'how', sheer disbelief, ecstasy (not the drug of course), realisation,  maybe a little dance.  'How did that happen, is there any doubt?' She can't answer those questions, she's just reading the report.
'You have a  wonderful Christmas now,' she said.
She phoned me specially to ensure i had a good festive season, how amazing is that?
I told her she's an absolute star and virtually told her i loved her!!
So i got off the phone and sobbed. I rang the boys, one of them sobbed, i won't say which one so he doesn't lose his street cred! I told about 4 people on FB, 2 in particular rang me in tears straight away. One was on her mini honeymoon!!! I telephoned a few people.
The problem i had with broadcasting it is this......
The GP 'read' the report. Dr Jack does more than 'read' it. He analyses it. I know he will look deeper, so i did just that.
'Is it because the biopsy wasn't good enough?'
Thats a common problem with diagnosing HL or so it seems.
'Was the surgeon right when he said, 'When the gland site has already been operated on the gland can be full of lymph fluid the second time round and not give a good result''?
So I've decided to wait until I've spoken to Dr Jack. How awful would it be to be singing and dancing for him to say, 'thats not necessarily a good result. We need to Watch and Wait.'
No doubt i will be watched and waited on, a further appointment with more bloods and maybe another PET scan.
But i am cautiously cock a hoop!
The last few months have been epic.
Cancer is a lonely place, despite family and the lovely comments I've received on my 'Who's the Boss' page on FB, and you know who you are. I thank you for the love I've been shown. Ive spent hours going over and over. I think i coped well. There was no depression or tears, just acceptance based on my symptoms and Dr Jacks experience. Its nice to be wrong now and again!
I can liken it to death row. Ive sat here in the confines of my prison (my head), just thinking about what I've done! Ive been fed slop, but thats just my cooking, I've had a few battles with people who told me i was being negative. My response, 'no I'm being realistic,' and I'm happy with the way i was. It was my self protection. To keep being told by people, 'i just know you'll be fine,' which was based on their wish for me to be fine rather than any statistics or experiences. Well, they were right, although i use that term loosely, i do however appreciate the reason for them saying it. For the ones who've run with me and believed me.....Losers!
Haha, i appreciate your belief in me, my body and my intelligence. You'll never believe me again tho!
Anyway, death row....
I have been taken from my cell, walked to the firing squad, a bag has been placed over my head (people have suggested that before, funnily!) i have stared my executioner in the eye, which is difficult when you have a bag over your head, and i have waited for the 'take aim...........' and at almost the last minute, the 'guvnor' has stepped in with a full pardon.

So this is what i wrote yesterday! I waited to speak to Dr Jack so i didn't tell everyone, 'I'm cured', followed by, 'no I'm not!'
Today i found out why that was a good idea.
Dr Jack rang and said the glands were very small, less than a centimetre and so not likely to be affected yet, if i do indeed have HL. He says were not out of the woods yet. He will see me in the near future and re scan and check bloods again. So I'm back on track for HL to be back and to have a stem cell transplant.
Funny thing is, the GP rang me to make my Christmas, if she hadn't rung me, i would still have been accepting/believing it was back and when he gave me the news this evening I wouldn't have been affected by it.
So im gonna crack open the Prosecco and get a little tiddly.
Merry Christmas everyone.