28.2.14
Guess who was singing along to the radio on the way to work last night? Yes me! Thats always a good sign.
Its like someone flicks a switch inside me. One minute yuk, the next minute, fo shizzle ma nizzle!
Don't get me wrong - I'm not about to run a marathon, but hallelujah I'm feeling better.
So work's over till tuesday morning.
I walked the pups which i really enjoyed, the sun was nearly out and the girls ran around like loonies.
A nice bath and washed the thinning hair! I don't think it will be long before i resort to shaving and wearing a wig. Its so weird to comb your hair and a load of it falls out. Im wondering what i can do with all the fallen hair? Maybe stuff a cushion? Or put it in the garden for the nesting birds? Or being the creative type that i am, maybe i can use it for scrapbooking, or weave it into a knitted hat?
Then a visit to Linda for a cuppa tea. I can't sing her praises enough. She fits me like a glove. She allows me to be what i am, feel how i feel. She was something special to me BC (before cancer), but now........ i can't describe how i feel about her. Im lost for words.
So cup of tea, piece of cake, but no appetite to eat it, and a chat and a giggle and i was worn out. So home for a rest.
I even managed to change the bedlinen, something I've wanted to do for a week but wasn't up to it.
So fresh bed, a fish cake and tomato sauce for lunch (i know, but its what i fancied!), and now time to relax.
The thing I've found with well meaning people, is that they want to tell me about all the people they know, or have known, who have had cancer and how they've died! Even gruesome details sometimes. I don't take offence, it makes me smile a little. Its thoughtless, thats all. But they do mean well. Why they would think just cos i have cancer i would enjoy being told of so and so's brain tumour that killed him, and his son, and a friend who suffered badly at 'the end'?
And those that have been through chemo find it good to 'tell me the truth'. Its like, 'this person has cancer, so she's strong and can cope with the sh*t I'm about to frighten her with'.
Don't spare my feelings! Don't take into consideration that everyone is different, and just cos they had a problem, doesn't mean i will have it. Ive been told by negative worrywarts, it will get worse each time, good days will become few, it will build up, i will have a sore mouth, i will lose my libido, i will lose my hair. I may suffer all of these things...... but i may not. It really doesn't help being told negative things. Its ok to be told, 'i suffered from this when i went through it,' but it is definitely not ok to be told, 'you will suffer from this.' Cos no one knows what each person will go through.
I find if you tell me something negative, i will worry about it and make myself feel ill, so when it happens, abracadabra, i suffer the negativity.
So people - traps shut. Ok?
Friday, 28 February 2014
Thursday, 27 February 2014
27.2.14
Not finding much humor today.
Im definitely on the up, and I'm sure tomorrow will be much better, but still feeling slightly nauseous, and exhausted.
Even worse, I've managed to put 4lbs on and I've hardly eaten anything!!
Thats the only consolation of being sick, you may have lost weight. And i put it on!!
Maybe tomorrow. Today i have managed to eat, 2 digestive biscuits (my early morning anti sickness routine), a banana, 2 teacakes with butter, an apple and a bag of ready salted crisps. And the crisps are about the only thing i could taste. I have dinner to have yet if i fancy anything.
My mouth feels numb and throbs, not painfully, but weirdly. Im hot and cold all day long. But at least I'm on the up.
By next week, i will be singing and dancing, eating normally, and wondering what all the fuss was about.
Thats all folks!
Not finding much humor today.
Im definitely on the up, and I'm sure tomorrow will be much better, but still feeling slightly nauseous, and exhausted.
Even worse, I've managed to put 4lbs on and I've hardly eaten anything!!
Thats the only consolation of being sick, you may have lost weight. And i put it on!!
Maybe tomorrow. Today i have managed to eat, 2 digestive biscuits (my early morning anti sickness routine), a banana, 2 teacakes with butter, an apple and a bag of ready salted crisps. And the crisps are about the only thing i could taste. I have dinner to have yet if i fancy anything.
My mouth feels numb and throbs, not painfully, but weirdly. Im hot and cold all day long. But at least I'm on the up.
By next week, i will be singing and dancing, eating normally, and wondering what all the fuss was about.
Thats all folks!
Wednesday, 26 February 2014
26.2.14
Hello from the sick bed.
Im spending the day lounging until its time for work tonight. Im actually feeling a lot better after chemo Number 3 came like a hurricane, flooding the fields and battering down my fence panels. If only it was as easy as to ring my insurance company and get them to fix the problem.
It all went very well at the time. I chatted with Dr Jack and told him about the cancer hotline issues that i had last time. He seemed rather annoyed by it to say the least. I hope that nurse gets reprimanded. Im strong enough to cope with her attitude, but theres a lot of people out there that wouldn't be able to. This is referring back to a previous blog around 11th or 12th feb.
Dr Jack listened to my chest and said he could hear some crackles so i have to have respiratory function tests done again. My white cells have recovered very well thanks to the Filgrastim injection.
Following my reaction last time, the rigor and vomiting, it seems i may be having a reaction to the bleomycin, one of the cocktail of drugs.
It wasn't long till after the bleomycin i started to feel tired.
A nice lady called Jenny came into my room and gave me a nice foot massage. Really enjoyed that. Had a nice ploughman's for lunch, me Linda ate my cheese and biscuits!
I really noticed a difference this time. I wasn't as much fun as usual. We normally have a giggle, but i didn't feel like it this time. Hope i feel better at the next one. I have 9 more to go yet!
Got home about 3.30 and i decided i was going straight to bed to sleep it off. The bleomycin had different ideas. I had the shakes, not as bad as last time, and i was sick, but only just. I had nausea. And my temp was bouncing around like a jumping bean. I rang Dr Jack and he agreed with me its just a reaction to the drug. He asked if id like to stop it!!! I thought he meant the chemo. I was thinking, 'Surely not?' But i think maybe he just meant that particular drug. Im sure we will discuss it more next time. Maybe have some steroids to help with recovery.
But today is another day.
Im feeling better and i know each day will be better.
Its nice knowing i have so many friends sending me messages, although i didn't have the energy to reply to them all last night.
And finding things like this on your doorstep when you get in from the hospital is really nice. Thanks Linzi. xxxxx
Anyway id better go and have a bath, wash that chemo out of my hair.
Hello from the sick bed.
Im spending the day lounging until its time for work tonight. Im actually feeling a lot better after chemo Number 3 came like a hurricane, flooding the fields and battering down my fence panels. If only it was as easy as to ring my insurance company and get them to fix the problem.
It all went very well at the time. I chatted with Dr Jack and told him about the cancer hotline issues that i had last time. He seemed rather annoyed by it to say the least. I hope that nurse gets reprimanded. Im strong enough to cope with her attitude, but theres a lot of people out there that wouldn't be able to. This is referring back to a previous blog around 11th or 12th feb.
Dr Jack listened to my chest and said he could hear some crackles so i have to have respiratory function tests done again. My white cells have recovered very well thanks to the Filgrastim injection.
Following my reaction last time, the rigor and vomiting, it seems i may be having a reaction to the bleomycin, one of the cocktail of drugs.
It wasn't long till after the bleomycin i started to feel tired.
A nice lady called Jenny came into my room and gave me a nice foot massage. Really enjoyed that. Had a nice ploughman's for lunch, me Linda ate my cheese and biscuits!
I really noticed a difference this time. I wasn't as much fun as usual. We normally have a giggle, but i didn't feel like it this time. Hope i feel better at the next one. I have 9 more to go yet!
Got home about 3.30 and i decided i was going straight to bed to sleep it off. The bleomycin had different ideas. I had the shakes, not as bad as last time, and i was sick, but only just. I had nausea. And my temp was bouncing around like a jumping bean. I rang Dr Jack and he agreed with me its just a reaction to the drug. He asked if id like to stop it!!! I thought he meant the chemo. I was thinking, 'Surely not?' But i think maybe he just meant that particular drug. Im sure we will discuss it more next time. Maybe have some steroids to help with recovery.
But today is another day.
Im feeling better and i know each day will be better.
Its nice knowing i have so many friends sending me messages, although i didn't have the energy to reply to them all last night.
Anyway id better go and have a bath, wash that chemo out of my hair.
Monday, 24 February 2014
24.2.14
Hellooooo
Im back after a day away from my blog. No real reason except i was busy visiting my son and didn't get home till about 7pm and then i had to watch Dancing on Ice, or Dancing with Mice as i like to call it. I could actually take part in that but with a rat rather than a mouse.
Yes i can still hear them scratching about, and when i have the energy im gonna sort them out, good and proper.
Had a lovely time with Chris yesterday. We talked non stop - well to be fair, probably i talked non stop. We laughed about people who are idiots! There's a lot of them about, and certainly in Chris's world there are more than plenty. Mostly in the social services department who are hell bent on ruining his career. You'd have thought, if everyone else in Chris's life can see that he needs 24/7 carers, including professionals as well as friends and family, that social services could see it too. After all, they are the experts!!! If id have been drinking tea when i wrote that sentence, id have sprayed it back out again. They are the caring profession. Spray it again!!!
We had roast lamb and then banoffie pie. And then i drove home for a restful evening in front of the TV, with Ray Quinn in particular. I liked him when he was in X Factor, i liked him when he was in Dancing with Mice before, and i like him even more now. He seems like a nice man as well as being such a talented singer/dancer and now ice skater. He seems to skate effortlessly and he gives me goose bumps. Thats not something i can say about many men! Philip Schofield is another one tho! I really need to get off this subject and talk about something productive.
Well today was pre-chemo bloods. Me Linda accompanied me to the hospital and we saw the usual nurse who takes my blood. We always have a giggle with her, nice lady. And very good with a needle and syringe. Then we decided to go for coffee somewhere. Driving back towards home i did a detour and we drove to Sandbanks. Cafe Shore. Lovely atmosphere there. We ordered Eggs Benedict each and a black tea and cappuccino. £24!!! I didn't really pay much attention at the time, but i will be ringing them in a bit to see if that was correct. It was lovely tho.
Then we sat in the summer house with a cup of tea and the heater on and had a damned good chat.
Now i need to visit Mr Sainsburys to fill my cupboards with all the things that may, or may not take my fancy over the next few days following Number 3.
Im really starting to see a pattern here. Its all about the food.
The other exciting thing (other than Sainsburys), its Rock Choir tonight, with a little bit of Mr Blue Sky and How Deep is Your Love. Ill be seeing Jenni, i do have a nickname for her, but I've forgotten what it is!!! This chemo brain thing is not good! I love seeing Jenni, she always puts a smile on my face. And of course all the other girls and boys.
Now then, wheres the shopping bags? Chocky cake? Ice cream? Crisps? The list is endless.
Ta ra peeps.
Hellooooo
Im back after a day away from my blog. No real reason except i was busy visiting my son and didn't get home till about 7pm and then i had to watch Dancing on Ice, or Dancing with Mice as i like to call it. I could actually take part in that but with a rat rather than a mouse.
Yes i can still hear them scratching about, and when i have the energy im gonna sort them out, good and proper.
Had a lovely time with Chris yesterday. We talked non stop - well to be fair, probably i talked non stop. We laughed about people who are idiots! There's a lot of them about, and certainly in Chris's world there are more than plenty. Mostly in the social services department who are hell bent on ruining his career. You'd have thought, if everyone else in Chris's life can see that he needs 24/7 carers, including professionals as well as friends and family, that social services could see it too. After all, they are the experts!!! If id have been drinking tea when i wrote that sentence, id have sprayed it back out again. They are the caring profession. Spray it again!!!
We had roast lamb and then banoffie pie. And then i drove home for a restful evening in front of the TV, with Ray Quinn in particular. I liked him when he was in X Factor, i liked him when he was in Dancing with Mice before, and i like him even more now. He seems like a nice man as well as being such a talented singer/dancer and now ice skater. He seems to skate effortlessly and he gives me goose bumps. Thats not something i can say about many men! Philip Schofield is another one tho! I really need to get off this subject and talk about something productive.
Well today was pre-chemo bloods. Me Linda accompanied me to the hospital and we saw the usual nurse who takes my blood. We always have a giggle with her, nice lady. And very good with a needle and syringe. Then we decided to go for coffee somewhere. Driving back towards home i did a detour and we drove to Sandbanks. Cafe Shore. Lovely atmosphere there. We ordered Eggs Benedict each and a black tea and cappuccino. £24!!! I didn't really pay much attention at the time, but i will be ringing them in a bit to see if that was correct. It was lovely tho.
Then we sat in the summer house with a cup of tea and the heater on and had a damned good chat.
Now i need to visit Mr Sainsburys to fill my cupboards with all the things that may, or may not take my fancy over the next few days following Number 3.
Im really starting to see a pattern here. Its all about the food.
The other exciting thing (other than Sainsburys), its Rock Choir tonight, with a little bit of Mr Blue Sky and How Deep is Your Love. Ill be seeing Jenni, i do have a nickname for her, but I've forgotten what it is!!! This chemo brain thing is not good! I love seeing Jenni, she always puts a smile on my face. And of course all the other girls and boys.
Now then, wheres the shopping bags? Chocky cake? Ice cream? Crisps? The list is endless.
Ta ra peeps.
Saturday, 22 February 2014
22.2.14
Ive had a lovely day. Its my 'good' weekend before number 3.
I walked the dogs with Linzi today. It was nice walking in the sun and not the rain.
On the way back to the car tho, i found my reading glasses that i lost 2 weeks ago!!! How weird is that? Covered in mud, and god knows what else - it is a dog walking area. They have been sanitised now and are ready for use, even tho i bought 2 new pairs during the week to compensate for my loss.
Then home for some brekky and a long soak in the bath before being picked up by Louise for lunch at the Captains Club at Christchurch.
As we waited to be seated I was just explaining to Louise that i went to a wonderful wedding there last year, when the bride (on a hen do) walked past. There are always so many coincidences in my life - its quite spooky.
Sat down and ordered food, they were very slow with the order. But did a good bit of people watching while we waited, as well as a lot of chatting.
I managed to see a school friend who sent her love to me via another school friend that visited me last week. Haven't seen her for years. Another school friend who i can't remember the name of but i recognised him instantly. And then, oh my goodness, a man who i went on a date with last year whilst on my trail for Mr Right. I remember i quite liked him until i sent him a message on the website the following day asking how he was. He obviously didn't realise who i was and started telling me he'd only been on the site a few days and had not met anyone yet. He liked my profile and thought i sounded very interesting. I couldn't help but giggle to myself - yet another ar*e. He argued black was white when i told him i had met him the day before. He assured me he was playing games with me, but i was having none of it. He texted and texted me for ages after, but i just lost interest. It didn't help that he told me his wife had thrown him out of the marital home and he had no idea why. It turned out he had had an affair - although he didn't class it as an affair!
It was not a surprise to see he was there with his old mother and not his new lady. Or was it his new lady...........?
This evening has been spent quietly, relaxing with my girls, popcorn and Tom Jones (the Voice), and dipping in and out of dating websites.
Tomorrow i will be visiting the boy (Chris) and all of his dogs. I must remember to not wear my best gear. Roast lamb is being cooked in my honour.
Now I'm off to bed to count sheep, hopefully not the one i will be eating tomorrow!
Ive had a lovely day. Its my 'good' weekend before number 3.
I walked the dogs with Linzi today. It was nice walking in the sun and not the rain.
On the way back to the car tho, i found my reading glasses that i lost 2 weeks ago!!! How weird is that? Covered in mud, and god knows what else - it is a dog walking area. They have been sanitised now and are ready for use, even tho i bought 2 new pairs during the week to compensate for my loss.
Then home for some brekky and a long soak in the bath before being picked up by Louise for lunch at the Captains Club at Christchurch.
As we waited to be seated I was just explaining to Louise that i went to a wonderful wedding there last year, when the bride (on a hen do) walked past. There are always so many coincidences in my life - its quite spooky.
Sat down and ordered food, they were very slow with the order. But did a good bit of people watching while we waited, as well as a lot of chatting.
I managed to see a school friend who sent her love to me via another school friend that visited me last week. Haven't seen her for years. Another school friend who i can't remember the name of but i recognised him instantly. And then, oh my goodness, a man who i went on a date with last year whilst on my trail for Mr Right. I remember i quite liked him until i sent him a message on the website the following day asking how he was. He obviously didn't realise who i was and started telling me he'd only been on the site a few days and had not met anyone yet. He liked my profile and thought i sounded very interesting. I couldn't help but giggle to myself - yet another ar*e. He argued black was white when i told him i had met him the day before. He assured me he was playing games with me, but i was having none of it. He texted and texted me for ages after, but i just lost interest. It didn't help that he told me his wife had thrown him out of the marital home and he had no idea why. It turned out he had had an affair - although he didn't class it as an affair!
It was not a surprise to see he was there with his old mother and not his new lady. Or was it his new lady...........?
This evening has been spent quietly, relaxing with my girls, popcorn and Tom Jones (the Voice), and dipping in and out of dating websites.
Tomorrow i will be visiting the boy (Chris) and all of his dogs. I must remember to not wear my best gear. Roast lamb is being cooked in my honour.
Now I'm off to bed to count sheep, hopefully not the one i will be eating tomorrow!
Friday, 21 February 2014
21.2.14
Good evening.
Its nearly the weekend. Time to party!
Well i think thats exaggerating a bit but i have managed to fill the weekend with nice things prior to number 3.
I have a friend round tonight. Tomorrow I'm doing something with either Louise or Phil, not sure what and who yet. And then sunday roast lamb with Chris and Co.
So what excitement did i have today?
Marisa the Rat visited today. Yes I've been having problems with the rodent population. I had similar problems last year just after i moved in. The dear people i bought the house from decided it best not to tell me about the problem. I used to hear a rat the size of Nelly the Elephant running round the outside of my bedroom upstairs. He/she also wore hobnail boots. I don't like to kill anything but had no choice. Marisa came round and poisoned the dear little soul.
Maybe its karma. Maybe thats why I'm being poisoned every fortnight? Just a thought.
Well the stench in the kitchen was awful for about 3 weeks. It must have come down to the kitchen for a couple of panadol for its headache and was despatched under my floorboards.
Well again, i have visitors.
Marisa called round and had a check round the property and can't see where they could get in, so she's decided they're coming in from the drains!! A more costly exercise. It means a cctv camera being inserted into the drain to find any damage and then fix the problem. Could mean all the floors up. But should stop the patter of tiny feet, albeit tiny feet with Doc Martins.
I also decided it was high time i wash my hair today. It has started to drop like the leaves in autumn. At the moment its thinner than it was and possibly looking better. Usually i have fairly big hair, a bit like Justin Lee Collins. But i think by next weekend i may be wearing a wig. More Joan Collins and if she can do it, so can i!!!
Anyway, better try and make my curls behave a bit before friend arrives and takes pity on me.
Good evening.
Its nearly the weekend. Time to party!
Well i think thats exaggerating a bit but i have managed to fill the weekend with nice things prior to number 3.
I have a friend round tonight. Tomorrow I'm doing something with either Louise or Phil, not sure what and who yet. And then sunday roast lamb with Chris and Co.
So what excitement did i have today?
Marisa the Rat visited today. Yes I've been having problems with the rodent population. I had similar problems last year just after i moved in. The dear people i bought the house from decided it best not to tell me about the problem. I used to hear a rat the size of Nelly the Elephant running round the outside of my bedroom upstairs. He/she also wore hobnail boots. I don't like to kill anything but had no choice. Marisa came round and poisoned the dear little soul.
Maybe its karma. Maybe thats why I'm being poisoned every fortnight? Just a thought.
Well the stench in the kitchen was awful for about 3 weeks. It must have come down to the kitchen for a couple of panadol for its headache and was despatched under my floorboards.
Well again, i have visitors.
Marisa called round and had a check round the property and can't see where they could get in, so she's decided they're coming in from the drains!! A more costly exercise. It means a cctv camera being inserted into the drain to find any damage and then fix the problem. Could mean all the floors up. But should stop the patter of tiny feet, albeit tiny feet with Doc Martins.
I also decided it was high time i wash my hair today. It has started to drop like the leaves in autumn. At the moment its thinner than it was and possibly looking better. Usually i have fairly big hair, a bit like Justin Lee Collins. But i think by next weekend i may be wearing a wig. More Joan Collins and if she can do it, so can i!!!
Anyway, better try and make my curls behave a bit before friend arrives and takes pity on me.
Thursday, 20 February 2014
20.2.14
Hot date today!
Got myself dolled up - which means i didn't wash my hair cos if i wash it too much its more likely to fall out. A bit of slap. Best bib and tucker.
Met Jim and he's very nice. We chatted for nearly 2 hours with no awkward silences. It was nice to exchange chemo stories. Sounds like he had a horrid time with his chemo.
Its nice to be able to moult loads of stray hairs on my coat without a strange look. It seems feasible that he understands, being he's been through it himself.
Not sure when we'll get together again cos i have chemo next tuesday and I'm out of action for the following week, slumbering on the sofa with daytime TV, the remote control, a hot water bottle, a blanket and I'm thinking a bell would be good to ring for Sam if i need something. He'd love that!
Maybe the next week, all being well.
Now I'm back at work. My last night this week.
The weekend is jam packed with meals, company, outings, etc before number 3. I may even allow myself the luxury of washing the hair that I've managed to keep hold of.
Ive tried hard not to think of Pete (the boyfriend up til a couple of days ago), but can't help wondering how he's doing. I hate the thought that he's in pain and turmoil. And i do miss our twice daily conversations on Skype. But hey ho, its not to be.
Time to chill.
Hot date today!
Got myself dolled up - which means i didn't wash my hair cos if i wash it too much its more likely to fall out. A bit of slap. Best bib and tucker.
Met Jim and he's very nice. We chatted for nearly 2 hours with no awkward silences. It was nice to exchange chemo stories. Sounds like he had a horrid time with his chemo.
Its nice to be able to moult loads of stray hairs on my coat without a strange look. It seems feasible that he understands, being he's been through it himself.
Not sure when we'll get together again cos i have chemo next tuesday and I'm out of action for the following week, slumbering on the sofa with daytime TV, the remote control, a hot water bottle, a blanket and I'm thinking a bell would be good to ring for Sam if i need something. He'd love that!
Maybe the next week, all being well.
Now I'm back at work. My last night this week.
The weekend is jam packed with meals, company, outings, etc before number 3. I may even allow myself the luxury of washing the hair that I've managed to keep hold of.
Ive tried hard not to think of Pete (the boyfriend up til a couple of days ago), but can't help wondering how he's doing. I hate the thought that he's in pain and turmoil. And i do miss our twice daily conversations on Skype. But hey ho, its not to be.
Time to chill.
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