31.12.14

The last day of the year is here, and am i pleased? I don't know, am i?
I feel a little numb after what I've been through throughout this year. Its been a year of mainly downs but a few ups - i went in a plane - that was an up!!
It all started on the 7th january when i had my results. Shock, horror. I wasn't expecting that. Cancer.
All the tests etc to stage/grade me, that was no fun at all, but i managed to have fun anyway! Me and Linda seem to have laughed our way through the year, despite all the shit going on.
One of my chemo nurses sent me a message the other day saying she misses mine and Lindas giggles.
I must say i preferred laughing to crying, which i did occasionally, usually when i was on a downer from the steroids, those naughty little life savers.
If you'd have asked me before diagnosis how i would be if i were told i had cancer, i would have said id be a drama queen. Ive let the drama club down badly!
I love the thought that I've let the nightmare make me a stronger person. Don't get me wrong, I've had my moments. But I'm quite proud of myself.
Ive loved how my imagination has run riot in my blog at times with regard my relationship with my haematologist, or future husband as i like to call him!!
But it has made me a little intolerant, or a little more than i already was! I get wound up by peoples stupidity, and I'm unable to let it go which does me more harm than the other person. They are usually unaware.
I can't bare self indulgent people, attention seekers, people that think its all about them! And theres quite a few of them about. I try to steer clear of them.
I must mention the wonderful UK Hodgkins Lymphoma group on Facebook.
I cannot sing their praises enough. They have helped tremendously. They've been so supportive having been through it, or still going through it. I have now become admin on the group and i feel honoured to do so, and i intend helping as many people as i can on there.
I won't mention the one person on there who sent me a photo of his kitchen kettle with the comment, 'They always take so long to boil, don't they?'
What i quickly realised was that his kettle was a shiny chrome one. One with a reflection.....!
I suggested he put a dressing gown on, but that wasn't part of his agenda!!
All part of the rich tapestry of life, i suppose.
Of course, I've been in remission since my 4th chemo in march/april time, but it didn't really register with me cos i never really accepted i had cancer in the first place. It was all a bit surreal.
So now I'm 5 and a half months post chemo, how am i feeling?
Mentally i feel good, although in the back of my mind is always that common niggle, 'will it come back?' But i don't let it get me down. I push it to the back of my mind.
Physically is a different story. I have a few problems as I've put in previous blogs. They don't seem to get any easier. Im hoping 2015 will help me lose the weight i put on, which in turn should make my joints less painful. But at the end of the day, I'm alive and kicking, although not kicking to hard cos it hurts.
Anyway, how am i celebrating the end to 'annus horibilis'?
Im working! A night duty tonight and tomorrow night, luckily a sleeping duty so not too much hardship. Im sure Jo, the lady I'm PA for, won't want to party till the early hours!
So, i better get my stuff ready to take to work. My laptop and my knitting, my bedding and my hot water bottle.
I will take this opportunity to wish all of my blog friends the most wonderful new year, and hope i get one too! I must remember to turn off the vibrate on my phone as well as the ringtone. I dont wanna be disturbed in my slumber whilst you all party the year away.
Happy new year.

26.12 14

They think its all over, and it is!
I can't say, 'all the effort and now its over and done with,' cos i didn't make much effort.
Actually thats not strictly true now i think about it. I probably made more effort than usual. Considering my situation, it was all a lot more effort.
I found it difficult shopping (something i have excelled in in the past), thank goodness for online shopping.
Wrapping of the presents was not a pretty sight. Names were written on in felt tip pen! I only had 8 tags in a pack of 4 rolls of wrapping paper!!!!
I found opening my presents fairly easy, except for the ones Sam gave me. He must have shares in sellotape going on the secure nature of each gift!
I did have a sore back because of an attempt to walk the dogs. I was at Chris's house and intended dog walking with him each day, but after my first one, i managed to get a blister on my heel and my back started to ache. The added worry, whilst walking as if id pooped myself, i was under much more of a threat of slipping in the mud which is rife in the nearby fields. So, blisters, and aches and pains, but after a mud bath, extremely soft skin from all the minerals (cow dung!)
We had a buffet on christmas eve. I was expecting help with it, but turns out i was not only the chef, but the waiter and the kitchen porter!
So much for take it easy, 'you're recovering from chemo'.
The prep for lunch wasn't my finest hour. I managed to make about 50 pigs in blankets and because of the standing, and all the activities before that caused the bad back and blister, the back issue was exacerbated. I took on the look of the witch in snow white and the 7 dwarfs, a hunched old hag! I had had offers of help for the kitchen prep, but when it came to it, one cried off feeling ill, and the other just disappeared leaving me to it, returning mid prep, and saying, 'i was gonna help you with that!' and disappearing again.
But its all over now!
I can't get excited about the new year cos I'm working. Imagine the wonga I'm gonna make!! Will make a very small dent in the 6 months of statutory sick pay!
Boxing day i left Chris's house. I came home and unpacked, did the washing and drying. Tidied up and opened parcels and letters that had arrived in my absence. Its hard work, this going away malarkey!
I settled back into being home. My little castle.
Saturday was a day of putting away the decorations. I do it every year. I put them up 1st december and then by christmas I've had enough of it all - my OCD sets in. Needless to say, my castle is tidy and glitter free.
I recall my ex, Ron, laughing at me many times during my 3-4 year sentence with him because of my need to put things in things! A box opened would reveal 4 smaller boxes with things maybe in alphabetical order, or even a more useful order. In order of popular usage, or colour maybe??? My organisation skills are second to none. That will be my OCD!
I have large plastic boxes with all my decorations in colour order!
My christmas tree is normally kept in a large cardboard box with 2 bits of heavy duty string holding it together. Im really not impressed with that so i have invested in a garden storage ottoman type storage box. Im so excited about it - boring OCD-ite that i am!
It should be here in the next few days and my bashed in tree box will be burnt and my new shit hot plastic tree cradler/protector will be installed in my slightly untidy garage!!! I feel a christmas garage OCD organising party coming on! I also feel the need to finish putting up pictures and stuff on the walls in my lounge and up my stairwell! Im gonna feel so sated!!!
Even writing about all this has made me feel less panicky!!
Im on a mission, and to be completely honest with you, its more exciting than christmas!!!

14.12.14

Oooh, another semi symmetrical date!
I'm here! Milano!
My feet hurt so I've been deposited in the bar. I'm sure I'll cope!
So let me tell you the story so far.
I left work at 6am on Friday after Manuela came in early for me.
Arrived home and loaded the car in the dark, and whoosh, we were on our way.
Arrived at Gatwick and was greeted by a fairly cheerful old man who was taking the car to park for me. Funnily he wanted to chat about people and fuel and mileage and he kept tapping his pen on Chris's VW Caravelle! So I ended the conversation as swiftly as I good whilst looking intently at the pen hoping old man would get it!
No, he didn't!
Without too much upset, we registered with the accessible team, who are about as accessible as a gate with a lock on it, but with less intelligence than the gate. Only 3 years ago, the said team nearly managed to miss our flight. I kept saying, 'the screen says we should be boarding.'
Her reply was, 'the planes not landed yet!'
Of course, it had landed and was boarding so we had to run!
This time was slightly different. The gate was published on screen at 10.50. The flight was at 11.40. Another jolly man came along and asked if we had our running shoes on as we had to dash!
Me and running shoes should never be in the same sentence!
Because there was a long walk (or run) to the boarding gate, about 6 miles it felt like, we had to power walk all the way, kicking other passengers out of the way on our mission.
You know those escalator style walkways, it amazes me the amount of people who just stop when they get off causing a domino effect. And for some, it's their choice to stand there and wait for someone, actually in the opening to the walkway!!! Wonders will never cease!
Anyway, we get through the X-ray machines and someone manhandles Chris, as is the norm, although he'd prefer a woman to a man!
We go to the front of the queue, no speedy boarding fee for us, and we are admonished by a stunningly gorgeous man for crossing the line! Not that we were told not to cross the line, and actually, the line was an imaginary line! Obviously got up to early this morning! He did backtrack a little and his accusing stroppy voice stopped and became a pleasant one. I don't know why, but I felt the need to tell him how gorgeous he was! Poor embarrassed red faced...... Pilot! He was our pilot.
He can press my buttons any day. He can rev my engine any day. He can enter the mile high club with me any day. He can take me to a high altitude any day. He can..... Ok I'll stop now!!
We land. The pilot kisses me goodbye tenderly, a girl can dream.
We are taken through customs like VIPs, ahead of everyone and we are passed from one helpful Italian to another, taken to the treno, yes treno is the Italian for train! How sweet. Treno!
What they didn't say was, there's a strike. No treno's.
We attempt the bus and hope a nice Italian man will help Chris up the steps on the bus.
Result. The driver does it. They wouldn't do that in the UK. He just threw Chris over his shoulder like a sack o' spuds.
A manic drive to Milan centre, and I mean manic. The Italians are crazy drivers. I've known them do stunts like, driving along a road on the edge of a mountain and remove their jumper over their heads!
I had kittens! Italian ones!  I'm still here to tell the tale though.
So an hour of eyes closed and praying!
Oh Milano, how I've missed you!
The passionate exchange of words, the gesticulating. You'd think they were fighting, but no. The last two words show it's just the way they are. Buon natale! (Merry Christmas)
The other odd thing.....Ciao!
It's hello and goodbye which, if you're not on the ball, can be quite confusing!
Pizza by the dozen eaten. The word 'scuzi' shouted at all the Italians who don't look where they're going and would end up wearing a wheelchair if I didn't shout it. Lake Como visited after shenanigans with the treno's! And this years extra excitement. Prosecco!!
Yes I have brought my new hobby to Milano. I'm having my fave tipple with each evening meal. What a rebel I am!
But my feet! Who has my real feet and has left me with this set made of play dough? And quite a deep red play dough too!
After a short time on my pins my feet throb and burn, my ankles swollen making me look like an OAP.
I even posted on the UK Lymphoma site and it seems others had the same problem. So, as expected, I am normal!
It's funny, if you have a symptom after chemo, you worry. As soon as another lymphoma sufferer says they had/have it too, it makes it ok!
So I'm sat here in the bar waiting for Chris and Chloe to return from the Armani shop before heading off for lunch!

This is me relaxing in the hotel, this is my room rather than the bar. I felt a little conspicuous sat in the bar doing selfies!

Lunch was a casual affair - pizza if i remember rightly. Followed by hot chocolate and panettone at Savinis.

This is Chris, Chloe and Emilio, our friendly waiter who we've befriended on Facebook and who we see annually. He always greets us warmly and this time was no different. He's a real flirt! It was lovely to see him. He was extra attentive this year. He's obviously seen me bald at some stage!! Bless his heart.
Had a lovely time at Savinis. The lady on the bakery counter also remembers us from our yearly visits. She nearly dived on Chris when we arrived. Last year Chris bought a fair few pannettones for himself and gifts and she forgot to wrap them all, so when we got home, there were some missing. She's felt guilty all year, so she had the AWOL items ready for him.
We felt like VIP's there. We had most of the waiters attention. It was lovely.
Back to the hotel whilst Chris and Chloe carried on their shopping expedition. I managed to snap the tree in the Piazza on the way back to my hideout.

It was a beauty this year. There were lights on it that looked like they were dripping ice. Icicles, i suppose you'd say. Best one so far.
As i limped my way back to the hotel, i followed a middle aged couple and a young girl, obviously the daughter. They were walking slower than me, which i find hard to believe with my poorly feet. But strangely they were staying at the Hotel Brunelleschi too. I managed to overtake them and got to the reception before them to ask for key 512. The man from the couple, was behind me waiting for his key. As i got to the lift, the wife and daughter were there. They almost wouldn't let me in it. They were saving it for the dad. There was 4 lifts there and they were holding the lift, and preventing others using it. I pushed through and dad was then ready so we all squashed in. I noticed they got out at floor 4. I also noticed them open the door to the room near the lift, like my own but on the fifth floor, of course. Room 412. They were in the room below us.
I continued my ascent to the next floor, unlocked my door and entered. Unlike my normal habit of, boots off, coat off, wee and sit down, i decided on a new habit. Keep boots on and stamp about so as to annoy the people in the room below!!! Regardless of sore feet, i danced for hours - with my boots on!!!
More foot resting and ogling the Italian men that frequented the hotel bar! Until dinner of course.
We ambled the cobbled streets looking for a decent looking restaurant.
Found one!
Unfortunately it was a mistake. The food was very mediochre. It always happens. Our last meal in Milan is nearly always not that good. Luckily we had had our fill of scrummy stuff for the previous meals.
The end of our Milan trip was nigh.
We had had good food, good fun and laughter. Good times.
Our bed times consisted of us all being silly. Lots of silly laughter and general silliness which culminated in Chris falling through the gap between the 2 beds.

More silliness and more laughter.

The next morning we awoke to Chris complaining he felt rough. Unfortunately he kept that feeling for the whole day, vomiting at various stops along the way of our journey. On the bus to the airport, outside the departures, and on the plane. Which leads to another tale!

A middle-aged Italian couple sat in from of us on the plane. She had bright red curly hair which Chris commented on looked really cool.

About 20 minutes before landing, Chris started to vomit. Mrs red head dived forward in her seat, scarf thrust in her face, whilst Chris urgled and gurgled and made quite revolting wretching noises. Not much to bring up as he'd not eaten anything.

After his recovery, Mrs red head still sat forward trying to surreptitiously look behind to make sure he'd stopped chucking up. Still with her scarf at her nostrils. She could have done with growing a pair of balls! She even asked the hostess if she could move seats, but there were no others - shame!!! So she continued to sit forward, petrified that Chris was gonna douse her in vomit. 

Realising her panic, Chris continued to  make wretching noises to wind her up!!! He's awful, such a naughty boy.

Anyway we managed to get home with him feeling nauseous but 'controlling' himself, something he's very good at.

Within 2 seconds of entering the house, he was sick again.

It was either a bug, a migraine, or that nasty restaurant - our last Milanese meal!

Im glad to report he's feeling better as of this morning and I'm sure it won't put him off returning next year to do it all again!

I cannot report on Mrs red head though. Probably still has her scarf surgically joined to her nose.

10.12.14

I like that date, 10 12 14. Does my OCD the power of good.
I feel duty bound to include a bit of Christmas festivity.
OH CHRISTMAS TREE, OH CHRISTMAS TREE....

Two different trips to Milan and 2 different Christmas trees. Last years tree wasn't as nice. It was still 'molto voluminoso' (very massive!), but it had huge red bows on it. I prefer the 2 trees above. It will be interesting to see what tree they have this year, as I will be there in 2 days. 

Yes the annual Christmassy visit to Milan is nigh.

The boarding passes are printed, passports ready, euros burning a hole in my purse and the thought of the most wonderful hot chocolate, milano stylee is making my mouth water. The promise of the most wonderful pizza and pasta for 3 days is making my tummy rumble.

We will be doing our usual Milanese routine. Arrive, and straight away sort out assistance at the train station to take us to Lake Como for the day. Usually beautiful blue skies outlining the snow topped mountains and the turquoise lake. Sometimes theres snow! Stupendo!

We usually amble round the christmas market stalls. Such a wonderful atmosphere.

Armani is visited!!!! Chris is an Armani freak. Even his dog is called Giorgio after the designer.

And Savinis......... a wonderful, upmarket, expensive, coffee shop. I feel i do it no justice calling it a coffee shop. Its so much more. They sell the best panettone. Chris always fills his hand luggage with panettone from Savinis.

And usually in the piazza del Duomo (in the photos above) there is a large stage and somebody, sometimes someone well known,  is performing. Natalie Cole was the first time, and the third time it was Burt Bacharach. It was one of the most magical times of my life. It was snowing and the atmosphere was amazing. He sang all of his hits. I say a little prayer, Alfie, Ill never fall in love again, Raindrops keep falling on my head, Magic moments, The look of love. His voice is going now, he's getting on a bit, but it was absolutely wonderful. Theres a video at the bottom of the blog. You can't see the snow on it, and you certainly can't feel the atmosphere, but it was special.

And the reason we go there every december, and stay in the same hotel??????

They all know Chris and welcome him so warmly. Kisses all round - not for me, just Chris, which is good, cos they're all old men!! Now if they were tasty italian men, that would be different!!!

Heres a photo of me in Savinis. It always shocks me to see me with hair.

I never thought id have this dilemma. I don't know what to do with my hair. Do i go blonde? Or stay darker? Do i stay with my pixie style? Or grow it longer again?

Heres the video of Burt. It makes me so emotional just watching the video. Im a wreck!

Anyway, i better go and pack. Im sure the next 36 hours are gonna go really quickly!!

7.12.14

Ooh its getting closer. Not long now till Santa shimmies down my breast (chimney breast, that is) and gives me a night to remember (prezzies, i mean!).
To be fair, theres not much i need, other than a log burner, a Jag XK, a winning lottery ticket, and i don't mean for a fiver, and maybe a nice man. Ive got a feeling I'm gonna be disappointed.
Im really not too bothered if i don't get  my hearts desire.
I have an iPhone thats been fixed and is working properly now, so I'm not stressed about that. I have a new laptop, a Macbook Air, and it works brilliantly unlike the last one i had. Even from day one it was a nightmare. Obviously a friday afternoon model. And what was the other thing????
Oh yes, my health!
I have my boys, and i have my friends. And of course, i have my puppies.
And a special mention. I have Chloe Louise Laws!!!! There chloe, happy!!
Everyone wanted cakes. I decided to make some chocolate cupcakes. Always difficult baking in someone else's kitchen cos you don't know where everything is. But found the baking cupboard and the muffin tin. Found the scales.
I measured out all the ingredients, sieved the flour, dissolved the cocoa in boiling water. Added it all together and it said on the recipe, 'Fill the cake cases 2/3 full with the batter.'
Batter??? What batter? It was a thick pile of sticky stuff. Not how it was before. What i didn't realise was on the scales was grams, ounces and millilitres!!! Ive never seen scales with millilitres before! I was oblivious. Happily weighing out and beating stuff together. Need less to say it all ended up in the bin and i had to start the whole lot again.
It all worked out in the end and we spent the afternoon feeling sick from too much chocolate!!!
Followed by roast pork and crackling, so all too thirsty cos of all the salt!
I think i need to become a vegan! or a vegetable!
A few festivities this week. Dinner out with the choir ladies. We were forced into singing our rendition of 'Let it snow'. In front of the whole pub too! Of course, roses were thrown at us as a gesture of pleasure. I wish it had been Cadburys Roses! Although i think they may have hurt. Smacked in the eye by a flying toffee penny! That could be Quality Street, but i shan't worry about that.
The applause could be heard all the way to Wembley Stadium!
We weren't invited back tho!
Yesterday I met with me Julie for a coffee and mince pie at Haskins Garden Centre. The mince pies were so hard they could have been used to build some houses strong enough to withstand a mighty tornado!
The coffee was too strong. The hot chocolate was too sweet. But at Christmas we put up with all the crap, don't we!
Roast turkey for lunch at Stewarts Garden centre with Marion and Terry.
It was lovely ambling round the christmassy stuff. I was feeling quite festive.
Its beginning to look a lot like Christmas.......

29.11.14

Apart from Ruby my cockapoo being constipated to the point of bowel obstruction, and needing an enema and barium meal, its been a good day. Ruby has had her cannula removed!!! Im the one who has cannulas Ruby, not you. This blog is about me!!! Me me me!!!
I arrived at Chris's house after a fairly stressful journey. The traffic was amazingly good. The stress was me worrying about whether or not Ruby would chuck up on the way there.
She didn't, thank goodness, but Loki did on the back seat. Luckily, protection was in place! Or should i say Lokily!!!
I unpacked the car. So much stuff. My house must be empty cos I've brought most of it to Chris's!
I did however forget the 2 advent calendars! There'll be a lot of catching up when i do deliver them. Every cloud and all that.....
Chris's carer, Anna, plied me with tea as soon as i got in. She took Chris's dogs (all 5 of them) for a walk and took Dottie with her. Ruby is too needy to go with her. She'd rather stay with me! And Loki is too small to send out with 5 crazy, bounding, large dogs.
And Chris, Chloe and i went out to buy the Christmas tree.

And here it is, before and after. I'll let you work out which is which.
And to get in the festive mood, heres a picture of Snowball the reindeer.

He lives at the 'farm' where we got the tree, along with lots of other animals. It was lovely, although i was covered in mud.

Fun and frolics were had at Chris's. We had drinkies, roast lamb, we moved tortoises about (don't ask!). I met Liz and Martyn, which was lovely. 

A mad dash back home on monday ready for the Rock Choir concert. Oh what fun we had, as well as raising money for Citizens Advice Bureau. I sang a solo, All Over The World. 

This morning i had my first hair cut! Its only been trimmed in a few places. One side behind my ear was nearly 2 inches longer than the other side! Im amazed. I have a proper hair cut now, and only 5 months since my last chemo. This time next year, i'll be Rapunzel.

Today i have travelled the length and breadth of the country - well, to Southampton, the Apple Store. My phone has been very quiet, and i don't mean no ones ringing me! I can hardly hear anyone talking or anything at all actually. Turns out there was fluff in the earpiece mesh cover! Lucky they didn't charge me!

As a special treat to me, i bought a Mac Air. Yes I'm made of money! But i don't think i could cope if my MacBook died on me, and that looks imminent. 

It also means i have to visit Chris next weekend so he can set it up for me!